I hope that this holy week of my birthday finds you all in good spirits and health. If you have spent the time immersed with food, family, and festivities, I hope that you all are still speaking to one another and that your crazy Conservative, DoFo-supporting uncle has been dispatched to the tiny closet under the stairs. If you have been travelling, I hope that there has been no motion sickness and that the sun gods have been shining upon you. If you have found yourself at work, I hope it has been a quiet week and that you have found new uses for the copy machine. And if you have just been Netflixing at home, I hope you have found something great that you are willing to share with me.
Here is the final part of my list. Again, here is a reminder of the rules. This is not a resolution list. Those are for suckers. If you want to gain weight, make a new year's resolution to diet. These are merely a few of the things that I have learned this year and hope to carry forward. If you like them, feel free to adopt them as your own. I don't even require a hat-tip. If not, simply pretend that you found my journal in a bedroom drawer and are glued to it to see if I reveal any sex advice. If you would like to peruse parts 1, 2, or 3 of this list, click on the links.
- A few minutes of quiet solitude every day is renewing. I bought a pair of socks this summer that read "Go Away. I'm Introverting." These socks have quickly taken their place amongst my most favourite articles of clothing. There has been much written about the differing needs of those who identify as extroverts versus those who believe they are introverts. Introverts are rarely shy but instead require some measure of solace and quiet to recharge their batteries. We find large groups and extensive noise exhausting after a while. We really need those "alone" periods to think, plan, and to be better people. Finding a few minutes a day to recharge has been essential for my continued mental health. I am a better person for others when I can adequately equip myself with self-care. Take a long shower or maybe a cup of tea with the newspaper or a book. I like doing the New York Times crossword puzzle and I often retreat to this space as a goto place when I am "introverting". Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.
- Read a book. It sounds simple but fewer and fewer of us are actually reading books. We prefer fast reads on social media or synopses of articles. We have acquired a collective attention deficit disorder and it is affecting our intelligence and knowledge base. Reading is fundamental to expanding our horizons outside of parochial bubbles. I realized that I had been reading less this year and that epiphany ground me into the dust. I have picked up the pace again not just because I love and missed it but because I didn't even realize that it had happened. If you have a great book that I should read, pass it on. We are travelling early in the new year and I need to load up my Kindle.
- Be kind. It takes absolutely no energy and you lose nothing to just be kind. Kindness can take many forms. It can be acknowledging the people who work for or with you with a smile and a conversation that doesn't involve their duties. It can be as simple as saying thank you to the young man at the supermarket who took your cart back for you. It can be as fundamental as sharing your space, letting somebody else cut in line in front of you, being there for a friend in distress, or just listening. I mentioned before that I am angry a lot these days but that doesn't mean that I can't be kind and polite to those around me. Try being kind. It costs nothing.
- I'll do me and you can do you. I hate camping. If somebody asked me to describe my idea of hell, it would be spending eternity stuck in a tent with squirrels gnawing at my toes. I have friends who revel in their yearly camping trips but who wouldn't be caught dead in Florida. I get it. Apples and oranges. Here's my deal. I promise not to rag on your camping trips if you stop ragging on my South Florida oasis. The same goes for my vegetarianism, my Jewish observance, my involvement in progressive causes, or my need to vent my spleen in this space. Eat your meat, be an atheist, attend the Munk Debates, or be a wood nymph living in the forest. Your life, not mine. Judgement comes from my personal conversation with the Divine Spirit. Judgemental gets you a place on my shitlist. (and yes...I realize the irony of my being judgemental about being judgemental. Cut me some slack this one time.)
- Accept that which I cannot change. Twelve-step programs have this one right. I cannot close my eyes and wish I were thirty again. I'm not sure I'd even want to but I can't be young again so why pretend. Time is an unrelenting and unstoppable force that catches us all eventually. The measure of a human spirit isn't found in how I look but rather how I feel and what I do with what has been bequeathed to me. So, as I enter into another year I will breathe deeply, accept some of the frustrations and limitations of my age and enjoy all of the benefits that it now affords me.
On Saturday, I will be 56 and fabulous. I'm not hiding from the number nor am I pretending that the downward side of my fifties isn't a bit frightening. I will screw up in many colossal ways this year. Of this, I have no doubt. Hopefully, I will learn more from those mistakes and will find a new treasure trove of things to boast about next year.
And maybe...just maybe...we will celebrate a Stanley Cup victory down Yonge Street in June. You are all invited to my place for the party.
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