Mrs. Green, In the Kitchen, With the Mugs Part 4

As I read back over this tale, I am acutely aware of the fact that this is most definitely a "first-world" experience. I am not in the least bit cavalier about how blessed and fortunate I am and I am certainly not trying to to be glib about anything described here. But this is my life and I am just trying to live it the best way I know how. It's just a bit of fun. That said, as we enter into the days of Chanukah this evening, I would like to suggest that each of us self-examine our lives and share a few our blessings with others. What that looks like is entirely up to you, but let's not forget that we live in a time and place of great inequality. Let's send some of what makes us fortunate into the world at large.

So...the mugs.

I really loved those mugs. I felt such a sisterhood with Oprah over a set of twenty-ounce ceramic mugs. I have never connected with Oprah over anything. After years of watching and later reading her Favourite Things issue and finding it laden with shit like asthma attack-inducing bath salts or oversized purses which I never carry, I finally found something that I really liked...and wanted...and was reasonably priced even without the View Your Deal discount that I lost with my procrastination. So I did what any reasonable person looking to buy herself a gift and who had access to Amazon Prime would do, I ordered the damn mugs for a expedited two-day delivery.

That's when I met Mrs. Green.

Amazon, as most people understand, merely acts as a third party weigh station for a myriad of companies. Think of it as an online general store. They carry a shitload of products and arrange for the deliveries, but they don't create the products. Individual companies are responsible for their wares. Soon after I made the click via Amazon Prime, I was contacted by Mrs. Green.

Mrs. Green is the agent for Yedi Housewares who are the makers of the mugs. Yes, she goes by the ubiquitous handle of Mrs. Green. There is no first name, just Mrs. Green. I have spent the last week trying to discern why somebody in business in 2018 would sign her letters as just Mrs. Green. Not Mrs. ??? Green, just Mrs. Green. Is she a former schoolteacher and needs to keep the Mrs. in her life? Is there still a Mr. Green that she wants to honour? Is her given name something stupid and embarrassing like Jean or Kelly or Stringbean? I found the signature odd. I mean. Who still does that?

Mrs. Lime? Green sent me a thank you note, via Amazon, for my purchase. She seemed mildly verklempt that I had thought enough of her mugs to actually purchase them and she promised me that she would take care of any problems should they arise.

Mrs. Snot? Green obviously had no idea who or what she was dealing with.

I handled Mrs.  Booger? Green's email the way I handled most emails from Amazon, I threw it into my trash file and forgot about it. I had an idea as to the delivery date and after they arrived, Mrs. Chartreuse? Green would be a glorious afterthought.

On Monday, I received a message from our security desk that I had a package. It was like I was at camp again and Mom had sent cookies. I raced downstairs with eager anticipation to this box.

(I have removed the shipping labels for internet consumption.)
Inside that, a perfectly intact box was this perfectly intact box surrounded by bubble wrap.

Inside that, a perfectly intact box was this styrofoam protective covering.

And underneath that...well...

Three out of six came broken. Packed in all of that non-biodegradable packing shit and they came in pieces. I mean...fucking shards!! The broken bits are actually inside of the mugs. They weren't displaced in their cozy individual slots. They were just fucking busted to bits.

Mrs. Avocado? Green...we have a huge problem.

My first thought was just to return them. You have to do some searching on Amazon's site to find their troubleshooting, but it is there and it is really easy. Amazon is happy to take back the item if...their box is intact, which it clearly is, I print off a shipping label, and return the package to a UPS outlet at Mailboxes Etc. by February 1/19. I would receive a full refund NO RETURN SHIPPING COST INCURRED! Have I mentioned how much I love Jeff Bezos? This is how customer service is done in 2018. 

I made my complaint via Amazon's grievance system, printed off the shipping label, and just for good measure, I attempted to send Mrs. Puke? Green a return email of her obsequious thank you note. What happened next....well...

The hopeful conclusion to this ridiculous but really mundane story tomorrow.

Same Dawn time. Same Dawn URL.

Chag Urim Sameach to all who observe. Please find a way to make somebody's life a bit easier this holiday season through either your time or your donations. We are all so very blessed.