Welcome to the Internet in 2025

Today, I told a complete stranger on Threads to mind their own damn business.

They passive-aggressively discussed how sad they were to see people still wearing masks in 2025. I passively aggressively suggested that my resolution for the new year was to mind my own damn business. And then, I aggressively, without a hint of passivity, blocked the miserable prick.

The Husband has a wonderful mantra, which he reminds me of often. You don't have to have an opinion about everything, and even if you do, you don't have to publicly express it. Yes, the irony of me and my forceful opinions being married to this man is not lost on me, but he does have a point. There are many times when expressing my opinion is not only cathartic but necessary in order to keep the world spinning on its axis. The Husband would be the first person to agree with me on this point. That said, as I get older, I better understand when it is and isn't ok to express those perspectives. I do it here, in this safe space I've created for myself, and I will, on occasion, share them with the world. All pronouncements that derive out of these scribblings (is it still scribbling if I am using a laptop?) are mine and mine alone. You, the reader, can either agree, disagree, or be totally agnostic. I really don't give a crap. But I will not...repeat...WILL NOT judge someone else's behaviour unless that person is: 

1. Engaging in self-harm

2. Readily harming, either physically or emotionally, another person or persons. (This includes unjust laws, rules, and made-up bullshit that can put someone in danger.)

3. Not competent to make rational decisions.

Politicians are not exempt from judgment because they willingly put themselves into the eye of public judgement and have it in their job descriptions to accept the feces along with the flowers. (Also, there is a special place in hell for the current management team of my beloved Blue Jays, but that is a rant for another day.)

When is it ok to express your opinion? Here is a quick user's guide to minding one's own business.

It is never ok to comment on or engage in gossip about a person's physical appearance. I don't care if they are celebrities or garbage collectors. Tattoos, piercings, weight gain, weight loss, clothing choices, hairstyles, or colour is none of your damn business. It doesn't matter if Oprah lost weight on Ozempic or if she wore her knees to the cartilage in the gym. It's her business. What is ok to comment on is if Oprah was trying to sell the public her Weight Watchers products while slimming down on GLP-1 drugs. That is as close to a scam as it gets. Her physical appearance? Mind your own damn business.

It is never ok to judge any person or couple for remaining childless. I shouldn't have to say this, but telling someone they will regret their own choices is staggeringly arrogant and intrusive. You have no idea why or how they came to those decisions. Mind your own damn business.

I am sick and tired of people telling me they know how a celebrity feels about anything or everything. These people have publicists and teams of people who craft their image. You know what they want you to know or what their enemies want you to know. Stop acting like you really understand Brad and Angelina's divorce or how the King feels about his wayward son and daughter-in-law. Mind your own damn business.

You can never know what a person is going through or what is happening in their lives. There is sickness, stress, children, financial worries, and family interactions that factor into everything. When you tell a person to stop wearing a mask because it offends your sensibilities, you are telling the cancer patient to play Russian roulette with their lives or the senior citizen to pass on diseases to their entire residence. Grow up and mind your own damn business.

A person's health situation is theirs alone to share. Mind your business.

It is always ok to call out misinformation and disinformation. No, the earth is not flat, no matter how many million-dollar basketball players say it is. Raw milk is dangerous for human consumption. Louis Pasteur was a genius. Covid is not over. Vaccines work, and measles and polio are terrible and deadly diseases. Jonas Salk was a genius, too. Abortion is healthcare, and health insurance is not healthcare. These are not opinions. These are facts. This IS minding your business. 

I have much more to say on this topic, and I have a feeling I will get the chance as 2025 unfolds before us. My Sister/Cousin asked me if I was going to have a New Year post, and I honestly told her that I doubted it. It only took one asshole this morning on the intertoobs to get me going. 

Happy 2025. Mind your own damn business, and don't make me come back here to tell you why you are doing it wrong. (See what I did there?) It's going to be a helluva year.

The Learning Curve of 2021

I went for an early morning walk today. I saw a lot more people running, walking, doing yoga, or tai-chi than I would on a typical day. I chalked it up to New Year's Resolutions and probable new personal commitments to exercise. I wonder just how many of those intrepid runners will still be at it come February? Because that's the thing about resolutions. They are usually doomed to fail unless one has a constitution of steel and a mind ready to bring on change. Most of us simply don't have either.

It is why I rarely start fresh on January 1st. Other than Betty White no longer walking this planet, what has really changed since yesterday? Change can only happen with true fidelity to the cause and real change comes from growth, experience, and education. I am a big believer in the power of knowledge and learning. And so it was, that I asked some friends to share with me one thing that they had learned throughout 2021. One thing. It could be a thing that led to something positive in their lives or it could be a realization that something toxic needed excising. One thing learned. It seems so simple when the question is asked but for some, it required a bit of soul-searching. I was impressed by the answers and the generosity with which they were shared. 

Some took the opportunity to have tangible and hands-on learning experiences.

"I have started to learn to paint in acrylics. A new hobby that can be done at home. I took a TDSB adult education course online to get started--an opportunity not usually available."~Janice S.

"I learned to use Squarespace to set up my new website. Definitely a learning curve."~Sandee S.

"After years of painting in acrylic, I am learning to paint in oil."~Karen P.

"I learned that I love plants, that 10K+ steps per day are great for the soul, and that a little TV is relaxing.~Kim A 

"I've learned how to use an industrial leather sewing machine. (I help my wife realize her creations.) Working on learning leather tooling and carving."~Scott M.

Last year in this space, I remarked how important new hobbies and ventures had become to me during the early days of the pandemic and that continued into 2021. Baking, cooking, and online classes have continued to stimulate my mind and feed both body and spirit. I am in awe of people with artistic abilities and can't wait to see the fruits of their labours. 

But...there was more. Friends who continued their educations in far more formal settings.

"I learned that you can go back to school after 50 and earn a new diploma."~Zoe S.

"I've learned that I can still rock the cap and gown."~Larry T.

"I've learned/got better at controlling my patients' diabetes with newer medications."~Ellen G.

I love my friends who understand and have committed to lifelong learning. We are better humans when we realize that we don't know everything and then open ourselves up to expanding the reservoirs of knowledge. 

There were happy posts that shared milestones...

"I learned, not surprisingly, that I love being a grandparent."~Kathy S.

And the painfully honest and understandably angry and fed-up posts...

"I never want to experience another pandemic."~Francine

I think that she speaks for 7+ billion of us. 

And then some dug deep within themselves and had no difficulty sharing self-actualizations and realizations. I appreciated how profoundly personal these were and was honoured that they felt comfortable enough to make them public. I think that I will remove names at this point because they aren't friends of the entire intertoobs. If you are my Facebook friend, you can read them for yourself.

"I learned that I cannot control life. I'm not even talking about my life, bigger than that. I am truly just a player in this thing, so I need to focus on enjoying and surviving, not on anticipating or predicting. That's just so big for my mental health journey."

"I learned a great many things, but most of all who really matters."

"Stress is not something someone hands you on a platter, you "serve" yourself. So, choose your stresses wisely!"

"I learned that I am stronger (emotionally and physically) than I thought I was."

"I learned that although I love my job/profession, I cannot work 7 more years until retirement. Life is short, so I am working on retiring in 3 years." (This came from a healthcare professional.)

"I am learning to always be true to myself. Life is too short to settle and/or to allow anyone to make me feel any less than what I am."

"I learned that I LOVE being a homebody. Shocked the hell out of me."

"I learned אם אין אני לי מי לי This is a quote from Rabbi Hillel in Pirkei Avot which translates to "If I am not for myself, who will be for me." (This is Dawn speaking now. The rest of the quote is instructive too as it reads, "And when I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?")

"Remember to tell people how much they mean to you because you might not get a second chance."

During a time of so much pain and suffering, people found ways of coping, learning personal truths, and coming out stronger. It hasn't been that way for everybody and so many are still struggling but I am giving standing ovations to those who are living authentically.

It wouldn't be fair to ask you all to share and for me to merely act as observer and stenographer. Here are a few things that I learned this year. Some are difficult to hear and the Canadian in me wants to apologize for them but...well...here goes.

I learned that in the name of actively listening to every voice we tend to give credence to stupid and dangerous ideas.

I learned that I only have so much bandwidth.

I learned that my exhaustion sometimes explodes at inopportune times and at the wrong people.

I learned that giving in to that exhaustion isn't selfish.

I learned that what is "normal" to me might not be "normal" to you.

I learned that as a society we have elected the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet to lead us. This is irrespective of party or political ideology. 

I learned that a long walk with a good book in my ear can be soothing.

I learned that watching the world through the eyes of children can be soul-cleansing, especially when those children are grandchildren.

I learned that while I can't control people or their stupid behaviour, I don't have to let them into my life. 

And here's the toughest of all...

I learned that cutting off toxic people, even if they are family or formally close friends, is a mental health imperative. 

I want to leave 2021 on a positive note and enter 2022 with hope and so, I will give you a few more from dear friends who are obviously far better people than am I.

"Be kind every day."~Naomi C.

"Being an empty-nester isn't as bad as I thought it would be"~Kim A

And...this...my favourite of all...was attached to Scott's comment above.

"I learned that I love my wife of 30 years more than I thought possible."

Me too, The Husband. More than I ever thought possible.

Onward and upward 2022. 

Let's go.

How Was 2020 For You?

New Year's resolutions are for suckers.

Seriously.

Let's examine the evidence, shall we? 

How far into this wasteland of 2020 did you get before you abandoned your resolution to live a cleaner, fitter, anxiety-free, and healthier life? When did the stress eating start and your couch potato lifestyle grow exponentially?

January? February? Marchtember?

Nope, I will not engage in empty promises that will most certainly go unrealized. Instead, I will offer up a few of the things I never thought I'd get to experience but actually did occur during this past year that was the living embodiment of the seventh circle of hell. Ready?

I played with a seal pup when he decided that my shoes were way better than the toys in the ocean. Honestly, this was the best thing about 2020. Before the world shut down, we travelled to the Galápagos Islands in January. It seems like a lifetime ago but it is without a doubt the most exciting place I have ever visited. This little guy was only part of the magic. 

I personally sanitized a hotel room in South Carolina. When we decided to race north from the Southern Home in March because there was a very real possibility that the borders were going to close, we had no idea what this virus was or how it was transmitted. We decided that we would pack food for the trip so that we could minimize our contacts but we knew that we were going to have to spend at least one night in a hotel. Doomsday prepper that I am, I packed spray bottles filled with diluted bleach, rubber gloves, hand sanitizer, and sanitizer wipes so that I could de-Covid the room. I wouldn't let The Husband touch anything until I was done-not the tv remotes, light switches, or toilet handle. Nothing. You really need to think back to those early days of Covid when we were all wiping down our groceries or unpacking them in the garage, to understand how it must have felt to be me travelling north. The irony? All things microbiologically considered, it was probably the cleanest hotel room we have ever stayed in.

I learned how not to kill a sourdough starter and to bake some of the most delicious bread that has ever come out of an oven. Ok, this is a bit of hyperbole but it was certainly some of the most delicious bread to come out of my oven. I have to give credit to my Sister/Cousin's only XX for this one. (We kind of share her.) She is a master bread baker and during the early days of Covid, she sent me some dried starter. She nurtured me and massaged my battered ego from afar when things weren't going so well, and she was quick with praise even when the results were less than optimum. As the prophet Joel wrote, "The old shall dream dreams and the youth shall see visions." I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. The crazy thing is, that before the lockdown, I would never have had the time nor the patience necessary to dedicate to the many days necessary for sourdough bread making. Now, I can't imagine not doing it. It really is a zen experience. "Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”~Unknown.

Sourdough English Muffins

Sourdough Babka

Sourdough boule

Sourdough focaccia

I made Ina Garten's brownies. I promised myself that I would never do anything this foolish but The Husband's birthday was coming up and we were finally going to spend some quality time outdoors with our kids. Brownies seemed like the perfect decadent treat. Have you ever looked at this freaking ridiculous recipe? It calls for a full pound of butter, over two pounds of chocolate, and six eggs. The concoction made enough brownies for three birthday celebrations and even after divvying them up amongst the offspring, there were over a dozen in the freezer for weeks. The chocolate alone was enough to induce a diabetic coma. Delicious? Absolutely. Dangerous? Hell, yes.

Which leads me to exercise. After all the carbs and sugar of the bread and brownies, keeping up with my workouts became a moral imperative. Walking is good but I need more. We are fortunate that we have a treadmill and weights in our home, so we were unaffected when the gyms shut down. Even the gym in our building is still on lockdown after almost nine months. In August, my treadmill, which is close to fourteen years old, needed repair. The part was on order and given the limitations of the pandemic, would take close to a month to arrive. The Husband suggested that to keep up with my cardio, I should run the stairs in our building. We live in an old factory building that was converted into lofts, so the stairs in the fire exits are quite high and the rise is quite deep. I have short legs and asthma. My first attempt at the stairs lasted all of ten minutes. I was sucking wind and dripping like Rudy Guiliani's hair dye. Six days later, I tried again. Why six days? Well, it took that long for the pain to subside and to be able to move my legs without screaming. Since then, I have increased my time on the stairs to close to thirty-five minutes and it is now a regular part of my workout rotation. I still hate it but I am afraid to stop doing it and reignite the leg spasms. Pain-avoidance is a great motivator.

I've taken to day-drinking. Friends and family know that I am not much of an imbiber but these are desperate times and they call for new habits. A glass of chilled chardonnay is just the ticket to unwinding after a tough day of doing absolutely nothing. I sent The Husband to the Wine Rack next door to purchase a couple of bottles of something light and white. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole thing. Alcohol consumption is still very rare for me but I'm finding that I don't hate the occasional glass. Any more than that and I am down for the count. There is a story floating around about me not knowing my left from my right after a couple of glasses of sangria. Lies! Don't trust unreliable sources. When I went to replenish my stock, the lovely guy at the Wine Rack pointed at the refrigerator and asked if I wouldn't prefer an already chilled bottle because of course, I was planning on drinking it immediately upon returning home. The man knows his business.

There was an episode with edibles which I shall not discuss here. Just know that it was chocolate and that is all I'm admitting. The rest is like Fight Club. What's the first rule of Fight Club?

I had a conversation with my two-year-old granddaughter via FaceTime while one of us was on the potty. I will leave it to you, dear reader, to figure out who. That said, can we all just say a small prayer of gratitude for video calls of all types this year? Without Zoom, Skype, FaceTime and Messenger I'm not certain that any of us could have maintained even a semblance of sanity.

I learned how to use Instacart. It isn't my favourite way of grocery shopping but it is better than being in crowds. There were a few glitches, like the time I ordered a single garlic bulb and received thirteen. For the most part, the delivery people have been amazing and lovely. I have over-tipped them because I am so grateful for what they are doing and I have given every single one of them a 5-star rating, even when they didn't really deserve it. These people have helped hold our city together. I would hug them all if allowed. 

This is a lot of garlic.

I watched far too much television and read far too few books. Concentration wasn't a strong suit this year. I am trying to get back into reading but it is definitely a challenge. Pandemic brain is affecting us all differently. The Husband and I realized that we don't watch any network television programs regularly. Netflix, Prime, Apple+, and Disney+ (thanks to Younger Son) have been our viewing habits in 2020. Oh...and The Big Bang Theory reruns. I can't explain why but those ridiculous nerds and their annoying laugh track have kept me entertained, even after dozens of repeated watchings.

We decided to refresh our living space. After four years here, we embarked upon a modest renovation. Of course, we couldn't go anywhere while the contractors were here, so The Husband and I holed up in the small second bedroom for three weeks while they painted. The day after they finished, our humidifier sprung a leak and ruined the ceiling in the front hall. How very 2020 is that? 2021 will begin with more structural repair and even more painting.

We have done jigsaw puzzles (they are not nearly as much fun without my mom beside me) and I have played my guitar, although not nearly as much as I'd like. I learned to work with royal icing and decorated cookies for Chanukah. I've yelled on Twitter, celebrated on Facebook, and played a lot of games of Words with Friends. We have walked the empty neighbourhoods in our area and have distressed over the scores of For Rent signs. And now, as winter has come and we are once again locked down, it is difficult to look ahead to the coming year without a huge dose of cynicism. I am not rosy-eyed in my predictions. There will be a vaccine for all of us, and we should be immensely grateful for the astounding advancement of science, but it won't come soon and I suspect that another Pesach seder will be held online without loved ones and that many more of us will experience a Covid birthday as I did yesterday. 

2020 has been brutal for so many of us. I look back on what I have written and I know that I have been amongst the most fortunate. I didn't have to work in an overrun hospital or deliver groceries. I was spared the horror of having loved ones in a long-term care facility and I didn't have to try to do my job with bored children at home, desperate for friends and school. My family is not separated by the border closure and I don't live alone. My employment didn't disappear because of the forever lingering pandemic. But, 2020 has taught me that nothing is certain and we aren't promised anything. I will take the lessons of 2020 and move into the new year with a renewed love and appreciation for my friends and family. I will resolve nothing, expect nothing, and cherish it all.

Bring it, 2021.

Another Trip Around the Sun Part Finale

And finally...

I hope that this holy week of my birthday finds you all in good spirits and health. If you have spent the time immersed with food, family, and festivities, I hope that you all are still speaking to one another and that your crazy Conservative, DoFo-supporting uncle has been dispatched to the tiny closet under the stairs. If you have been travelling, I hope that there has been no motion sickness and that the sun gods have been shining upon you. If you have found yourself at work, I hope it has been a quiet week and that you have found new uses for the copy machine. And if you have just been Netflixing at home, I hope you have found something great that you are willing to share with me.

Here is the final part of my list. Again, here is a reminder of the rules. This is not a resolution list. Those are for suckers. If you want to gain weight, make a new year's resolution to diet. These are merely a few of the things that I have learned this year and hope to carry forward. If you like them, feel free to adopt them as your own. I don't even require a hat-tip. If not, simply pretend that you found my journal in a bedroom drawer and are glued to it to see if I reveal any sex advice. If you would like to peruse parts 1, 2, or 3 of this list, click on the links.

• A few minutes of quiet solitude every day is renewing. I bought a pair of socks this summer that read "Go Away. I'm Introverting." These socks have quickly taken their place amongst my most favourite articles of clothing. There has been much written about the differing needs of those who identify as extroverts versus those who believe they are introverts. Introverts are rarely shy but instead require some measure of solace and quiet to recharge their batteries. We find large groups and extensive noise exhausting after a while. We really need those "alone" periods to think, plan, and to be better people. Finding a few minutes a day to recharge has been essential for my continued mental health. I am a better person for others when I can adequately equip myself with self-care. Take a long shower or maybe a cup of tea with the newspaper or a book. I like doing the New York Times crossword puzzle and I often retreat to this space as a goto place when I am "introverting". Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.
• Read a book. It sounds simple but fewer and fewer of us are actually reading books. We prefer fast reads on social media or synopses of articles. We have acquired a collective attention deficit disorder and it is affecting our intelligence and knowledge base. Reading is fundamental to expanding our horizons outside of parochial bubbles. I realized that I had been reading less this year and that epiphany ground me into the dust. I have picked up the pace again not just because I love and missed it but because I didn't even realize that it had happened. If you have a great book that I should read, pass it on. We are travelling early in the new year and I need to load up my Kindle.
• Be kind. It takes absolutely no energy and you lose nothing to just be kind. Kindness can take many forms. It can be acknowledging the people who work for or with you with a smile and a conversation that doesn't involve their duties. It can be as simple as saying thank you to the young man at the supermarket who took your cart back for you. It can be as fundamental as sharing your space, letting somebody else cut in line in front of you, being there for a friend in distress, or just listening. I mentioned before that I am angry a lot these days but that doesn't mean that I can't be kind and polite to those around me. Try being kind. It costs nothing.
• I'll do me and you can do you. I hate camping. If somebody asked me to describe my idea of hell, it would be spending eternity stuck in a tent with squirrels gnawing at my toes. I have friends who revel in their yearly camping trips but who wouldn't be caught dead in Florida. I get it. Apples and oranges. Here's my deal. I promise not to rag on your camping trips if you stop ragging on my South Florida oasis. The same goes for my vegetarianism, my Jewish observance, my involvement in progressive causes, or my need to vent my spleen in this space. Eat your meat, be an atheist, attend the Munk Debates, or be a wood nymph living in the forest. Your life, not mine. Judgement comes from my personal conversation with the Divine Spirit. Judgemental gets you a place on my shitlist. (and yes...I realize the irony of my being judgemental about being judgemental. Cut me some slack this one time.)
• Accept that which I cannot change. Twelve-step programs have this one right. I cannot close my eyes and wish I were thirty again. I'm not sure I'd even want to but I can't be young again so why pretend. Time is an unrelenting and unstoppable force that catches us all eventually. The measure of a human spirit isn't found in how I look but rather how I feel and what I do with what has been bequeathed to me. So, as I enter into another year I will breathe deeply, accept some of the frustrations and limitations of my age and enjoy all of the benefits that it now affords me. 

On Saturday, I will be 56 and fabulous. I'm not hiding from the number nor am I pretending that the downward side of my fifties isn't a bit frightening. I will screw up in many colossal ways this year. Of this, I have no doubt. Hopefully, I will learn more from those mistakes and will find a new treasure trove of things to boast about next year. 

And maybe...just maybe...we will celebrate a Stanley Cup victory down Yonge Street in June. You are all invited to my place for the party.

Another Trip Around the Sun Part 3

Happy Vacation, Santa. You've earned your tan lines and a few margaritas. Hasta luego, dude.

And so, my list continues. This is what birthdays tend to do to me. They make me pensive. Again, here are the ground rules. This is decidedly not a New Year's resolution list. It is a list of things I've learned throughout this year and will continue to take to heart and action. Maybe there is somebody out there who agrees with some or all of it. In that case, I've done a public service. If not, consider it an open journal entry, a window into my messed up psyche. If you are interested in Parts 1 and 2 of this inventory, click on the links.

• Find new artforms that challenge your biases. I've had several conversations lately about the genius that is Hamilton. The brilliant musical will finally be making its way to Toronto in 2020 and far too many people I know have said that they will take a pass, not because it is a costly ticket or because they would like to avoid the rush for seats but because, and this is direct quote, "We don't like hip-hop." The ignorance and close-mindedness of this philosophy stun me. Without getting too far into the weeds as to why I think this particular show not only raises the bar for musical theatre but moves it forward permanently, I am struck by the obtuseness of refusing to venture outside of one's comfort zone. Art, in all its constructions, is designed to make you think and to feel. Sometimes those emotions are familiar and easy and sometimes they are uncomfortable and difficult. If you avoid that which makes you uneasy, you are missing the best that art has to offer. I've attended several plays, movies, and concerts this year that challenged my biases. Some I loved (Riot at Luminato) and some I'm still searching for the answers (Vox Lux) but I have never once regretted the experience. Push yourself to be uncomfortable. It's how we grow.
• Read past the headlines. One of the things that we all need to learn how to be better at is evaluating the massive amounts of information thrown at us every day. Newspaper and media headline writers have become derelict in their jobs because those small captions rarely provide the nuance that exists within the stories themselves. When a headline screams "Sex-ed consult website flooded by 'certain groups' who may have skewed results: Ford" (an actual headline on a story from cbc.ca) it is wholly deceptive. Sure, the premier said this and yes, CBC is directly quoting him in the headline but it is also true that he is spouting nonsense with absolutely no data or facts to back up his outrageous claim. The body of the story makes that clear but if you only read the headline, you would think that there was a conspiracy out there to damage the sex-ed website with false comments. Actually, the opposite is true but now the narrative is controlled by a lie and it is very difficult to put the lie back into the jar. If however, CBC had written a headline like Without offering any evidence, Premier Ford says sex-ed consult website flooded by 'certain groups' who may have skewed results, the truth is now properly framed. Because I don't see the news media learning these lessons quickly, (Daniel Dale in the Toronto Star is a huge exception to this rule. After 4 years of covering Rob Ford and now two with Trump, he can and does give masterclasses about how the media is framing these lying pricks.) I feel it has become incumbent on all of us to spend a bit more time and read the whole story. And please don't share it on social media if you haven't. We must all take responsibility for the ignorance that is festering out there.
• Write down family recipes and share them. Our memories are all tied up in food. I have wonderful memories of baking with my aunt while she taught me how to make her rugalach. I have the recipe and I have made them many times since she died but it just isn't the same. That doesn't mean I will ever stop making them or sharing the recipe. Those recipes are a part of who we are. A friend was gracious enough this year to share her mom's (z"l) coffee cake recipe. I had never eaten it before and I knew that it took a lot for her to share it. I'm certain that no matter how delicious it was when I made it, and it was delicious, it couldn't possibly have tasted as good as when her mom baked it for her all those years ago. The graciousness and generosity it took for her to share it with me did not go unnoticed. I have heard tales of cooks and bakers who will share their family recipes, only to leave out a special or secret ingredient so as to sabotage the newbie. I'm not sure I understand the hostility or selfishness that goes into this kind of behaviour. We should relish our histories and share those stories and memories with the next generation. Thanks go out to my friend for introducing me to her mom through her cake.
• Become a fan of something or somebody new. Fandom, when it isn't creepy or stalkerish, is a great way of broadening our horizons. It is also a way of sharing and sending new talent out into the world. This year I became a fan of John Legend (late to the game, I know), his wife Chrissy Teigen (one of the best follows there is on Twitter), Quinn Cummings (the former child star and now a very funny author), TV critic and Pulitzer Prize-winning essayist Emily Nussbaum, and a young up and coming third baseman for the Blue Jays (maybe by May 1) named Vlad. Have some fun. Be a fan.
• Move from doing to being. We often get so wrapped in the details that we forget the big picture. I know that I do. I have been intently trying to be in the moment as it happens rather than running from task to task. This year it really hit home during our trip to Dublin. We had a list of "must-see" places on our list. We were doing the tourist thing but our time was limited. On our first evening, we climbed into an Uber and our driver, discovering that we were from Toronto, asked if we had seen the Famine Memorial directly across from the Immigrant Museum. We said we hadn't but wondered why he thought that we should. He explained that the corresponding statues were on display in a Toronto park down by the lake. We were stunned. We never knew this art installation even existed at home. He gave us an entire history of the piece, how Canada became involved, and why it was so important to the Irish people. That half hour drive through Dublin was the most present I felt during our entire stay there. Of course, we made time the next day to seek out the statues and then The Husband and I went searching for them again at home. We sometimes lose sight of the depth when we only hit the highlights. Be. And then....Do.

There will be a few more of these before my calendar turns over for another year. Again...Merry Christmas to those who observe and a happy day off for the rest of us. 

Another Trip Around the Sun Part 2

It's been a long time since I celebrated a birthday at The Northern Home. We've been journeying south to this particular location since I was pregnant with Older Son and to other venues across South Florida with my parents for years before that. My end of December birthday hasn't felt like a typical Canadian winter observance for years and, given my loathing of all things snow and ice, I am supremely grateful. This time of list-building and taking stock reminds me to never be complacent as to how truly blessed I am.

On with my list of things that I have learned this year. A reminder. This is not a list of resolutions but rather a few things that I have discovered have mattered a great deal to me. Part 1 of this inventory can be found by clicking on the link.

• Don't buy or fall for technology that annoys you. There is so much garbage out there, believe me when I say that we don't need half of it. I mean, why does my toothbrush require Bluetooth? I still don't know but it has it. The worst has been my new microwave and oven here at The Southern Home. The timers on both beep three times with a ten-second pause and then a subsequent three times. And it keeps repeating until you do what it is commanding you to do like the fucking Queen. My oven is a nagging bitch. Seriously. It's like it's talking to me. "Get your lazy ass up right now and get the asparagus out of the oven before I call someone to haul you out of that chair with a crane and report you to the ghost of Julia Child." I don't need technology to remind me of Jewish mothers. I've got enough of those in my life. Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, not more aggravating. If it does the latter, ditch it.
• Find smart people who disagree with you. One of the best things I did this year was to start to seek out and read conservative opinion writers who are brilliant. I started to do this in an attempt to better understand the other side of the political spectrum but what I found was some cogent intellectual debate. Most times I will still disagree with their ideas but I can better articulate my point of view if I know theirs. That is not to say that there is any excuse for nor is there any room on my reading list for sycophants or asslickers but people like Michael Gerson, Jennifer Rubin, Max Boot, Andrew Coyne, Paul Wells, offer a window into centrism and conservatism that is smart and thoughtful. I am still firmly planted on the other side for a whole host of reasons but there is a considerate discussion to be had that can exist without labels or epithets. **A codicil to this list-point is that this will NEVER include the propaganda that emanates from Fox News, Ontario News Now, The Toronto Sun, or anything or anybody who has ever been associated with Ezra Levant. These sources are dangerous to democracy and have learned their lessons at the feet of Joseph Goebbels.
• You can't teach stupid and I no longer tolerate stupid. I have zero fucks left to give for unmitigated ignorance. The world is NOT flat. I can't believe that we have to say this in 2018-19. The moon landings? Not a hoax. Vaccines? Vital and the best of scientific discovery. Childhood diseases? Bad. The flu? It kills hundreds of thousands of people every year. Really?? What is wrong with people. You don't get to pretend that hundreds of years of scientific work and discoveries are wrong because you decide that you don't like needles. Unless you have an MD, a Ph.D. in some scientific field, or are a researcher, get the fuck out of my life. If you think that going back to a world where the bible taught the best lessons to your children about sex, birth control, homosexuality, mental illness, or drug use, stay the fuck out of my mentions. If you come back at me with studies from Joe's school of homeopathy to further your argument, I am done with you. Not everything is debateable. Scientific discovery is not always perfect nor is it always altruistic but it is usually proven. Smarten up.
• Take pictures and make sure that you are in them. I have attended far too many shivas and funerals this year where the most recent photo of the deceased is thirty-years-old. Like many women my age, I hate the way I look in pictures but I have actively put myself into more this year. It is important. I want Molly to have photos with her Bubby. I want to revel in the length and success of my marriage and our visual yearly progression. We have earned those laugh lines. I want a visual record of the lovely times spent together with family and friends. So yes, I will continue to be that person with the camera that annoys the shit out of my kids at Seders or outings to the park. I will even take a few more of myself. But never with a selfie stick. That is technology run amok. 
• Friend my family and family my friends. One of the great joys of my life is being able to claim friendship with both my immediate family and my extended one. I actually like spending time with these maddening, goofy, opinionated people. Our times together aren't nearly as often as I would like them to be, but they are important and cherished. I am also blessed to have friends who have become family. Knowing that there are people in my life who have my back and will support me no matter what is anything but a trivial matter. I know that there are people in all of our lives who bring toxicity. I have come to the realization that life is far too short for me to engage with these lost souls. I'm sticking with those who love me without the drama.
• Stop engaging with trolls. Life is far too short to dive into online rabbit holes that serve no purpose other than ego-stroking. I am done with the comments section of any newspaper or media post. I also will not copy and paste your posts, engage with your uneducated online race-baiting memes, share the inspirational quotes that you didn't create yourself, or join your brother-in-law's Facebook group that advocates for the return to basic Canadian values. I have better things to do with my time.
• Look for God in unusual places. Just because I believe in science does not mean I am an atheist. Being a religious person is becoming increasingly difficult is an atheistic world. This year I have looked for and I have found The Divine Spirit in sunsets, a baby's giggles, a new Canadian's excited face while being honoured at the ballgame, rainbows, and a friend's healing. Where I will find it next is an ever unfolding mystery.

That's all for today. Wishing all who observe a Very Merry Christmas. For those who don't, enjoy your secular day off. 

Another Trip Around the Sun

Let's play a game. How many seasonal cliches can I pack into one run-on sentence?

Tis the season to rest ye merry gentlemen so that the fat, jolly old elf won't put you on the naughty list and leave lumps of coal in your stocking on a silent night before the most wonderful time of the year.

I'm pretty sure I could do better but that's really not all that bad for thirty seconds of typing. The point that I am trying to make is that Christmas is everywhere and so ubiquitous that even those of us who don't partake can't help but be assimilated into much of the hype. And we are all reluctantly pulled into the tinsel-laden year-end orbit of retrospection and resolution.

We Jews do our stock-taking at Yom Kippur. We look at the mistakes we have made and promise to not repeat them, knowing that we are flawed beings and will be back next year to once again beg for forgiveness. The secular year-end is more of a time of list-making. This time of year is filled with lists. Grocery lists. Gift lists. There are those who search for the best of or the worst of. There are lists of those whom we have lost and some of the gains we have made. There are lists for good news stories and important stories.

For me, the year-end represents an acknowledgement of another trip around the sun. Having a birthday during the Christmas/New Year week can often feel like an afterthought. (I mean, who the hell wants to shop for a birthday gift at Christmas?) It has never bothered me given that Christmas isn't a part of my celebratory cycle and it always meant that I was off school but as I have aged there is no doubt that a certain amount of self-analysis has crept into this week. This year is no exception. Since this space is all about self-examination and frankly, vanity, I thought that I might take a few minutes a day for the next several leading up to my birthday to elucidate some of the things that I have learned this year. This is not a resolution list. It is simply a few things that I have discovered carry great weight for me and maybe somebody reading this might say, "Yup. That works for me too."

• Have a grandchild. I realize that this is not in anybody's control but it is, without a doubt, the only thing that really mattered this year. Aside from the obvious instantaneous joy and unconditional love that is Molly, becoming a grandparent reminded me of my place in the line and pushed me forward by a step. It would have been easy to simply wallow in the agedness of it all.  I chose instead to look at the face of that miraculous little girl and think of the possibilities still to come. I will work as hard as I can to make the world a better place for her to live in. L'dor vador. From generation to generation we will protect this chain.
• Embrace your righteous anger. I am so very tired of people telling me to calm down or to modulate my tone. I am righteously and viscerally angry at so many things right now and I believe I have a right to feel that way. This anger has pushed me outside of my comfort zone and has led me to channel it toward actively working to fix those perceived inequalities. I marched for the very first time this year with survivors of gun violence. I voted for a party that would never before have been a possibility for me because it was the only way to help curb the avarice of a dangerous actor. I donated to individual candidates municipally to help rid council of an avowed racist. I joined a progressive group to keep pushing forward an important agenda. These were admittedly baby-steps in the huge world of activism but I will no longer be silenced by a governing minority trying to quash the collective will of the people. In the words of Paddy Chayefsky "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
• Do something new to help the environment. I am not blind to the macro issues of climate change but we can all change our habits to help. It doesn't have to be big. Eat one less meat meal a week. Shun plastic bags. Lower your thermostat a bit in the winter and raise it a bit in the summer. For me, it was less driving. Moving downtown was an easy impetus for taking public transit but now I search for ways to do it. I have become a TTC maven and I am actively working to figure out the York Region Transit as well. I have never really enjoyed driving all that much and I will admit that public transit in Toronto has its challenges that will be made all the more miserable when Premier DoFo follows through on his upload of the subways, but the erosion of our environment is the one great, crushing issue of our time and it will not be solved by hiding our heads in the sand or pretending that it doesn't exist. It is the prime social, economic, political, religious, and scientific issue and affects every single person on the planet. Do something in your space to help.
• Walk more. It is the single most important thing I have done to improve my health. I walk to buy groceries. I walk to the drugstore. I walk to entertainment venues. I try and walk at least 5km each and every day. It doesn't have to be sweat-inducing, although that exercise is important too, you need to move. Our bodies weren't made to be immobile. Move the joints. Get your heart pumping. Not only that, you meet some really interesting people when you get out into your neighbourhoods and out of your cars.
• Notice people. As a pedestrian, I have almost been hit by cars several times this year. It has made me a better driver (when I do drive) and a more active observer of my surroundings. I have learned to better appreciate the server in the restaurant or the check out person at the grocery. I have given space to the cyclist who is just trying to get to work or the parent attempting to maneuver the stroller while holding the hand of a toddler. More critically, I have made sure that the homeless people that populate my area are hydrated in the summer and fed in the cold. I have looked at their faces and I have seen my own privilege. I will not pretend that their suffering doesn't exist.
• Call out racism and bigotry. I do this now even when it is uncomfortable and even when it comes from those I like or love. Hatred is pervasive and when we ignore it, it becomes normative. If you are spouting this crap, you will not get a pass from me.
• Stop wearing clothes that hurt. This year, I have abandoned high-heels forever and have forsaken shapewear and pantyhose. I have seen my future and it involves flats, jeans, and body rolls. I have a recurring nightmare that involves me getting stuck in my Spanx with nobody around to cut me out. Her obituary read, she died of Spanx-induced suffocation. Nope. Comfort can be stylish.
• Subscribe to a newspaper. Or two. Or three. My children think that the fact that I still receive a newspaper is a sign of my old age. I get where they are coming from and there is an argument to be made from an environmental perspective but I am not advocating actually receiving a paper. I am suggesting that you pay for your news, especially locally. Journalism is under assault and in real threat of disappearing. If you refuse to go behind a paywall and help fund the crucial work these dedicated and disappearing professionals are doing every day, you are contributing to the "fake news" era. Journalists are our check on the institutions of power. I urge you all to stop getting your news from social media sites and spend a few bucks a year on a newspaper.

I'll have more tomorrow. Happy Festivus and for those entering into holiday celebrations, may they be lovely and healthy. Merry Christmas.