Me And The Marvel Universe

I am not a superhero movie fan at all.

I have seen the odd Superman flick (Christopher Reeves was a beautiful man) and will cop to loving Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man but, mostly, I find them stupid and loud. That said, I did raise two boys to men who love this shit, so one could say that I am definitely Marvel/DC adjacent. I have seen a few of these flicks that have over-saturated the movie market for the last decade but I do struggle with the connections, histories, and origin stories. Also, I get my Chris-es mixed up. Hemsworth, Evans, Pratt, Pine...they're all in this mess somewhere. Was there some edict handed down by Hollywood studios that you can't front a superhero movie unless your name is Chris? And to make matters worse, Chris Evans plays one role in The Fantastic 4 and a totally different one in Captain America. There are three incarnations of Spider-Man, two of The Fantastic 4 and two of The Incredible Hulk. Don't even get me started on Superman and Batman. It is also important to mention that The Husband HATES this stuff with a passion that is hot and deep, so watching any of these films has to be a solo activity. 

But, I'm bored and tired of baking things, so I thought that a new viewing hobby might pass the time a bit quicker. The term "quicker" is relative here.

I was in conversation with Younger Son last week and I asked him to explain a bit of the mythology that comes from the Marvel Universe. After some back and forth, it became obvious that in order to be able to fully engage in this bullshit, I needed to watch these films in some semblance of order. Younger Son, a self-described and extremely proud geek, sent me a Marvel list along with his Disney+ subscription. Since we are still technically in lockdown, I've started to make my way through this morass of "entertainment". I am four films into his list and am stunned that I can probably reduce each film to a description/review of fifteen words or less. So, that's what I'm going to do. After every film viewed, I will post a fifteen-word or less synopsis of it both here and on my Facebook page.  (Give me a follow if you want to read them.) 

A few initial impressions after my first quartet. 

1. These movies are ridiculously loud but only for the special effects and music. The dialogue isn't. I am forever adjusting the volume so that I can hear the lines. At one point during Thor, I realized that the dialogue really wasn't all that important. 

2. These movies are also incredibly dark. There are entire scenes when I have to sit within inches of the screen in order to discern the action.

3. I am amazed at the number of A-list actors that signed on for these flicks. The money and exposure are really that good. I have counted six Oscar winners amongst my first four films and several more nominees. Marvel is a very lucrative gig for an actor.

4. The interconnections and planning of these films are kind of brilliant. 

5. I love the Stan Lee cameos. It is a bit like searching for Hitchcock. I haven't made my way to any of the movies made after his death. I'm going to miss him.

Ok...Here goes. Dawn's Marvel Movie Reviews in fifteen words or less.

1. Iron Man (2008)

Tony Stark is a colossal asshole. Gwyneth Paltrow's career has gone to goop.

2. The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Bruce Banner's morose. Lou Ferrigno's apparently the only person who can voice Hulk. Hulk Smash.

3. Iron Man 2 (2010)

 Terrence Howard out, Don Cheadle in. I wasn't fooled.

4.  Thor (2011)

The cutest Chris is Hemsworth. Lots of frozen monsters.

5. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Favourite so far. Evans is the erudite Chris. Tucci and Nazis.

6. The Avengers (2012)

Getting the band together. Loki a man of mischief. Hulk's always angry. Loved it!

7. Iron Man 3 (2013)

Demons. Sir Ben's a red herring actor. Tony/Pepper save each other. Meh.

8. Thor: The Dark World (2013)

This film defines why the genre is hated. Hot Thor. Idris, hotter. Loathed it.

9. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) 

Cap's my favourite Avenger. Moral. Redford homage to Condor. Natasha's character rounded. Fun flick.

10. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) 

Space movies not my jam. Pratt's the fun Chris. Raccoon > squirrel. Really enjoyable.

11. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2105)

Lots of explosions. Lots of heart. I prefer stand-alone films. Hawkeye gets a story.

12. Ant-Man (2015)

Marvel's caper movie. I love caper movies. I love Paul Rudd. Totally charming.

13. Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Too many characters and stories. Cap's still my favourite. The moral compass. Wakanda forever.

14. Dr. Strange (2016)

Marvel's Kung Fu. Mystic religiousism. Great cast. The Avengers needed faith and belief.

15. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 (2017)

Guardians fan. Music's a character. Kurt's a great villain. Father/Son dynamic is great.

16. Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

3rd incarnation of Spidey. Teenager funster version. Avenger learns on the job. Charming. 

17. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Taika Watiti makes everything fun. Cate Blanchett is a great villain. I loved it!

18. Black Panther (2018)

Chadwick was a star. My favourite so far. Wakanda Forever.

19. Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

I prefer stand-alone films. Too many stories. Humourous but too disjointed. Thanos is meh.

20. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Paul Rudd is still charming. Pretty standard fare. Two hours of escapism is good.

21. Captain Marvel (2019)

First female-fronted film. Bad-ass Brie. Annette and Jude are excellent villains.

22. Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Really stupid. Blows up everything. Sacrifice and idiocy. I prefer stand-alone films.

23. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Holland is charming. Zendaya is dark. Gyllenhall is a sexy villain. Blows shit up.

Check back in this space at your leisure. I will keep updating.

To Molly: As She Turns 3

Good Golly, Miss Molly,

Look at you, my Big Girl! 

Here you are today, three and so full of piss and vinegar, it is almost impossible to contain. Your mother calls you her "threen-ager." I kind of love that. It perfectly encapsulates the animating life force that is so strong within you. Some might call you stubborn but I prefer to see you as persistent and independent. Hold onto these traits, dear one. The world is not always kind to women who pursue their own paths but the strength of conviction you possess will change a lot of minds. Keep dancing like you don't care who is watching, keep singing with a full heart and full voice, and keep pushing limits, even when it might get you into a bit of trouble. 

This past year hasn't been easy and with any luck at all, the biggest blessing to come out of this worldwide misery is that you won't remember most of it. I credit much of that to the normalcy that your parents tried desperately to maintain in your everyday life. There has been a lot of sadness and stress in the world this year but your small corner of it has been mercifully less messed up than most. Even though this is your second birthday of the pandemic and family gatherings are still restricted, I have no doubt that the celebration will be exciting and fun because Mom and Dad will make it so. There are so many people that wish they could be with you today but circumstances being as they are means that Zoom and FaceTime now act as poor but necessary substitutes for in-person visits. It pains me that you have become such an expert FaceTimer but while I hate that the computer is often in our way, I thank God for its presence during these horrific lockdowns and separations. I can't even imagine what our lives would have been like this year without it. You have also been blessed with a wonderful preschool that has followed all Covid protocols and has, thus far, remained open throughout the entire year. You love going there and have made so many friends. It is unfortunate that you can't yet have playdates outside of school but watching you socialize with kids your own age and learning so much from such wonderfully caring teachers has been a special part of this year. I love seeing the excitement on your face when you run to the school door.

There are things that I desperately wish you never had to know about. Learning how to wear a mask is not a lesson I would have ever thought someone would have had to teach you. Having two Covid birthdays really sucks. Online learning for the last half of your first year in preschool was less than optimum, as was being forced inside for months at a time. I know that Mom and Dad were concerned about how all of this new normal might affect you but, to their immense credit, it seems to have had minimal effect. Watching you blow past us on your scooter last week made me realize that no matter how fragile we think kids are, you guys always surprise us with your learning abilities and resilience. 

It is easy to think about all of the things that we have missed this year, listing them would take two of these letters, but I am trying to be more focused on what we've been able to do together. We have lit Shabbat candles as an extended family every single week since this madness began and when travel became impossible, we invited Grandma and Grandpa to join us from Ohio. Watching you search the Zoom screen for your Uncle Daniel while totally ignoring the rest of us, has been a weekly joke. (I think he is secretly slipping you chocolate on the weekends.) Knowing that you are learning the blessings at school and trying to replicate them at home is lovely for this Jewish Bubby to witness. I hold onto the together times with a jealous ferocity, even though most have been online, because I refuse to sacrifice any of it to this misery. I can't wait for hugs, parties, reading, sleepovers, holidays, cooking lessons, jumping in puddles, sing-a-thons, snuggles,  treasure hunts, and movies to resume. I will never again take any of it for granted and I will cherish every single moment we spend together.

There are changes coming to your family this year. I know that some of them might seem jarring at first but all of it is great. You will be moving to a new home with wonderful new space and outdoor play areas. No worries. Mom, Dad, and Gus get to come too and so many people who love you will come to visit very soon. Change is the mechanism for growth and even though it might seem a bit scary, in August you will welcome a sibling. There is no relationship in a person's life that is as long lasting nor as intuitive as that of siblings. A sibling knows you from cradle to grave. If you play your cards right, she will be your best friend forever. She won't be the same as you and she might not like everything you like to do but she will love you unconditionally from her first breath and will depend on you to help guide her early on. She might play with your toys when you don't want her to or she might wear clothes that you have long since grown out of. There will be times when she will make you really angry. When the anger subsides, always forgive. Never stop talking to each other and understand your differences. A bit of jealousy is normal but the love you will feel for her will overtake it. Go with that emotion. It is stronger and should win out. It is a big responsibility but also a great gift. Be gentle, understanding, supportive, and non-judgemental. It will take some time to develop the relationship but it is my dearest hope that it will be deep-rooted and enduring. Honestly, the idea of you as a big sister tickles and thrills me all at the same time.

There is a lot going on right now. It is a lot to digest for most grown-ups, let alone a girl of three. You keep being you and the outside stuff will hopefully take care of itself. If the world becomes a bit too much for you to handle every now and then, Zoom chat with Bubby and we'll sing, dance, or read together. And very soon, we will do it ALL in person. 

Happy Birthday, my heart. 

May it be fun, exciting, filled with balloons, cake and lots of treats.

Love you to the moon and back again.

Love,

Bubby

 

A Few Things That I Will Never Again Take For Granted

It was at this time, almost exactly a year ago, that I began my personal CoVid panic.

We were still at The Southern Home with the expectation that we would have another month or so in the sun. We were aware of the awfulness emanating from China and Italy and we were justifiably horrified, but we pushed all thoughts of a pandemic to the farthest recesses of our minds. It simply couldn't happen here, could it? Certainly not in the most sophisticated and medically competent regions on the planet. 

That Friday evening, a full year ago today, we had an outdoor Shabbat barbeque with some friends. It was then that I suggested that this new disease seemed different from other viruses that we had lived through in recent years. Unlike AIDS or Ebola, this sickness seemed closer and more casually infectious. Even to us Torontonians who had lived through the SARS epidemic, this new ailment seemed so very foreign and external. I was chided for my overreaction and gently ribbed about my default panic response. It is true, I do tend to skew towards anxiety and trepidation but this time it felt different.

A few days later, as the images from overseas rose to the top of every newscast and website, we had a patio lunch at a South Florida restaurant in order to wish a bon voyage to a dear couple leaving for a 90-day cruise. It was the last time I ate in a restaurant and the last time I had a meal with anybody other than my immediate family. That same afternoon, I had a long conversation with my brother back home in Toronto and we agreed it was time to get my parents home. There was talk of border closings and flight cancellations and we needed to be proactive. I immediately went to their place, booked them flights to come home three days later, and went to pack. The Husband and I left South Florida the next day and the world was forever changed. 

There has been a lot written about the people we have lost and the things that have forever been altered. Every single person on the planet has had to find their own way to slog through a shitload of misery. But as we enter into year two of this craziness, I have been giving some serious thought to things that really matter but I previously took for granted. 

1. Hugs. I know that everyone isn't a hugger and some people are averse to serious hugging but human contact is fundamental to our well-being. When you can't have a hug, you really want one. I really want one...or many.

2. Smiles. Masks cover-up smiles. Smiles from strangers at the grocery store or from a small child at a playground. We have learned to recognize smiling eyes. It will be great to see great big toothy smiles again.

3. Walking. Who would have thought that it would take quarantine and stay-at-home orders for people to start walking again? Even in the most suburban and car-friendly locations, pedestrianism is the new driving. Let's hope it continues.

4. Dinners with friends and family. I am not much of a restaurant-goer but I do miss the socialization of dinners with people I love. There were a few of those in the summer with our immediate family bubble but they once again disappeared into the ether when we reentered lockdown in November. When this is all over, I will try and say yes to every single invitation and host more than my share of events. I don't want to miss any more good times with loved ones.

5. A really good pair of socks. With all the walking and exercise we've been getting, a good pair of sturdy and water-resistant socks is essential. I have often stated how much I hate socks. I was wrong. Socks matter. I bought some great ones recently and I can't tell you how much they've changed my life.

6. Hobbies. The breadth and depth of new hobbies have been inspiring. I've seen people take up cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, jigsaw puzzles, jogging, photography, gardening, bread-making, cycling, birding, and the list just keeps on growing. In the absence of group activities, hobbies that take you away from your everyday work, are so very important. They challenge the mind and keep the body engaged. Acquiring new hobbies is an underrated benefit of this pandemic.

7. Group Singing. Yes, I have been a part of those pre-recorded Zoom choirs and yes, it does fill a certain void, but there is absolutely nothing that compares with a group of people singing together. There is simply no way to do this in real-time across the internet and it sucks. Singing with people induces endorphins and brings disparate groups of people together. I desperately want to sing with people in the same space again. 

8. Birthdays. I have never been a huge birthday person. It happens every year and I tend to move on but this year has made me realize that every birthday and anniversary is worth celebrating. Some of us are moving closer to a second Covid birthday. How crappy is that? I had a conversation recently with my Other Dad and he told me that he wants to host a huge birthday party when this is all over. Everybody gets a cake. Everybody gets balloons. We've all earned it.

9. Phone Calls. I am a terrible phone friend. I prefer texting and emailing. I simply don't chat well and the phone demands it, but the pandemic has made the contact of the human voice necessary. It doesn't have to be every day or even every week but phone calls or Zoom visits have been an important part of my continued good mental health. 

10. Jewish Ritual. Pre-pandemic, I never thought twice about the rituals on which I was raised. Funeral attendance, shiva visits, rejoicing with bride and groom, caring for the sick, communal prayer, Passover seders, Shabbat candle-lightings, have all been altered or abandoned this year. It has been soul-crushing. The idea of a second Pesach with an online seder is sad beyond belief but I am more determined than ever to make it work. I hope others feel the same because without that connection to our rituals we have become Jewish shells with no substance. 

There is a glimmer of light on the horizon and there is a real chance that some of the things we've lost will come back in the next few months but I will never again take them for granted. I am interested in what things really matter to you that you previously took for granted. Please add them to the comment section or hit me up on Facebook. 

Shabbat Shalom to all who observe.

I Lost A Friend Yesterday

 I lost a friend yesterday to this miserable plague.

She had several decades on me but could absolutely outlift me on the weight machines in the gym. She worked out with a trainer several times a week, walked with purpose, was full of piss and vinegar, made friends wherever she went and was smart as a whip. She was the vice-president of our condo board down in Florida and was the type of person who never let any problem go unsolved. I don't recall ever seeing her sit still and I don't recall her ever saying no to me when I needed a favour. She was just that kind of person. But while she was my friend and a very good one at that, she was my mother's best friend. Outside of family, she was the one person who had a real impact on my mother these past few years and I credit her with pure love for lifting my mom out of the abyss following my aunt's death. To watch my mother grieve another best friend is crushing beyond anything you can possibly imagine and to make it worse, I can't be with her in person right now as we are still in lockdown. When I offered to go to her yesterday when we got the news, she was emphatic in her "no". "I can't lose anybody else to this disease", she said. "Stay home now so that we can hug safely soon." I lost my composure and had to hang up.

We Jews are told that it is a mitzvah to comfort the mourners. In this time of pandemic, there is simply no easy way to do that without violating quarantine. I can't sit with Mom on the couch and hold her while she cries. I can't hug her. I can cry with her over Facetime or Zoom and I can deliver some meals but we all know that human contact is vital when trying to help someone navigate grief and right now, it simply cannot be. When my mother-in-law died in November, I did everything I could to help The Husband find a palatable path through shiva and shloshim. We arranged Zoom shiva visits and meals and believe me, he appreciated every single phone call, text, and virtual visit, but the lack of in-person human contact was stifling. He still hasn't seen his brothers since the funeral and it pains him every single day. There are just some things that the online world cannot appropriately duplicate. 

We will gather remotely for a funeral early next week and I am certain that there will be an opportunity for a Zoom shiva visit but I am just so very sad and so very angry. I am grieving the loss of my friend and also the loss of the norms that would help us get through this difficult time. I am angry because I believe that her death was entirely avoidable. There is no way to ascertain how she contracted Covid or why she suffered and died while her 91-year-old husband had a very mild case. Florida is pretty much a hot mess right now and the state's governor has been a Covid asshole. I am writing this piece not because I want you to offer thoughts and prayers. If you have made it this far into the post, I know that your heart is good and your intentions are pure. I am writing it to plead with you all to do what is necessary for a little longer. We here in Canada cannot count on mass vaccinations any time soon so we have to maintain public health measures even if we are all fatigued. If you are considering going out for anything other than necessities when the province lifts the lockdown order next week, I beg you to reconsider. If you think that getting that haircut or having that coffee date with friends is vital, think again. Wear a mask. Wear two! Stay out of congregant indoor settings and if you can stay home for your work, please do. Minimize your contacts as much as possible. Please be wise and stay safe.

I lost a friend yesterday to Covid. We will never have that long-promised bagel and coffee I owed her for helping out my cousins in December. She wasn't merely a number in the pandemic counts. She was a dear person who will be missed by all who knew her. Think of her the next time you complain about wearing your mask or your isolation.

Zichrona Livracha. May her memory always be a blessing.

How Was 2020 For You?

New Year's resolutions are for suckers.

Seriously.

Let's examine the evidence, shall we? 

How far into this wasteland of 2020 did you get before you abandoned your resolution to live a cleaner, fitter, anxiety-free, and healthier life? When did the stress eating start and your couch potato lifestyle grow exponentially?

January? February? Marchtember?

Nope, I will not engage in empty promises that will most certainly go unrealized. Instead, I will offer up a few of the things I never thought I'd get to experience but actually did occur during this past year that was the living embodiment of the seventh circle of hell. Ready?

I played with a seal pup when he decided that my shoes were way better than the toys in the ocean. Honestly, this was the best thing about 2020. Before the world shut down, we travelled to the Galápagos Islands in January. It seems like a lifetime ago but it is without a doubt the most exciting place I have ever visited. This little guy was only part of the magic. 

I personally sanitized a hotel room in South Carolina. When we decided to race north from the Southern Home in March because there was a very real possibility that the borders were going to close, we had no idea what this virus was or how it was transmitted. We decided that we would pack food for the trip so that we could minimize our contacts but we knew that we were going to have to spend at least one night in a hotel. Doomsday prepper that I am, I packed spray bottles filled with diluted bleach, rubber gloves, hand sanitizer, and sanitizer wipes so that I could de-Covid the room. I wouldn't let The Husband touch anything until I was done-not the tv remotes, light switches, or toilet handle. Nothing. You really need to think back to those early days of Covid when we were all wiping down our groceries or unpacking them in the garage, to understand how it must have felt to be me travelling north. The irony? All things microbiologically considered, it was probably the cleanest hotel room we have ever stayed in.

I learned how not to kill a sourdough starter and to bake some of the most delicious bread that has ever come out of an oven. Ok, this is a bit of hyperbole but it was certainly some of the most delicious bread to come out of my oven. I have to give credit to my Sister/Cousin's only XX for this one. (We kind of share her.) She is a master bread baker and during the early days of Covid, she sent me some dried starter. She nurtured me and massaged my battered ego from afar when things weren't going so well, and she was quick with praise even when the results were less than optimum. As the prophet Joel wrote, "The old shall dream dreams and the youth shall see visions." I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. The crazy thing is, that before the lockdown, I would never have had the time nor the patience necessary to dedicate to the many days necessary for sourdough bread making. Now, I can't imagine not doing it. It really is a zen experience. "Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”~Unknown.

Sourdough English Muffins

Sourdough Babka

Sourdough boule

Sourdough focaccia

I made Ina Garten's brownies. I promised myself that I would never do anything this foolish but The Husband's birthday was coming up and we were finally going to spend some quality time outdoors with our kids. Brownies seemed like the perfect decadent treat. Have you ever looked at this freaking ridiculous recipe? It calls for a full pound of butter, over two pounds of chocolate, and six eggs. The concoction made enough brownies for three birthday celebrations and even after divvying them up amongst the offspring, there were over a dozen in the freezer for weeks. The chocolate alone was enough to induce a diabetic coma. Delicious? Absolutely. Dangerous? Hell, yes.

Which leads me to exercise. After all the carbs and sugar of the bread and brownies, keeping up with my workouts became a moral imperative. Walking is good but I need more. We are fortunate that we have a treadmill and weights in our home, so we were unaffected when the gyms shut down. Even the gym in our building is still on lockdown after almost nine months. In August, my treadmill, which is close to fourteen years old, needed repair. The part was on order and given the limitations of the pandemic, would take close to a month to arrive. The Husband suggested that to keep up with my cardio, I should run the stairs in our building. We live in an old factory building that was converted into lofts, so the stairs in the fire exits are quite high and the rise is quite deep. I have short legs and asthma. My first attempt at the stairs lasted all of ten minutes. I was sucking wind and dripping like Rudy Guiliani's hair dye. Six days later, I tried again. Why six days? Well, it took that long for the pain to subside and to be able to move my legs without screaming. Since then, I have increased my time on the stairs to close to thirty-five minutes and it is now a regular part of my workout rotation. I still hate it but I am afraid to stop doing it and reignite the leg spasms. Pain-avoidance is a great motivator.

I've taken to day-drinking. Friends and family know that I am not much of an imbiber but these are desperate times and they call for new habits. A glass of chilled chardonnay is just the ticket to unwinding after a tough day of doing absolutely nothing. I sent The Husband to the Wine Rack next door to purchase a couple of bottles of something light and white. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole thing. Alcohol consumption is still very rare for me but I'm finding that I don't hate the occasional glass. Any more than that and I am down for the count. There is a story floating around about me not knowing my left from my right after a couple of glasses of sangria. Lies! Don't trust unreliable sources. When I went to replenish my stock, the lovely guy at the Wine Rack pointed at the refrigerator and asked if I wouldn't prefer an already chilled bottle because of course, I was planning on drinking it immediately upon returning home. The man knows his business.

There was an episode with edibles which I shall not discuss here. Just know that it was chocolate and that is all I'm admitting. The rest is like Fight Club. What's the first rule of Fight Club?

I had a conversation with my two-year-old granddaughter via FaceTime while one of us was on the potty. I will leave it to you, dear reader, to figure out who. That said, can we all just say a small prayer of gratitude for video calls of all types this year? Without Zoom, Skype, FaceTime and Messenger I'm not certain that any of us could have maintained even a semblance of sanity.

I learned how to use Instacart. It isn't my favourite way of grocery shopping but it is better than being in crowds. There were a few glitches, like the time I ordered a single garlic bulb and received thirteen. For the most part, the delivery people have been amazing and lovely. I have over-tipped them because I am so grateful for what they are doing and I have given every single one of them a 5-star rating, even when they didn't really deserve it. These people have helped hold our city together. I would hug them all if allowed. 

This is a lot of garlic.

I watched far too much television and read far too few books. Concentration wasn't a strong suit this year. I am trying to get back into reading but it is definitely a challenge. Pandemic brain is affecting us all differently. The Husband and I realized that we don't watch any network television programs regularly. Netflix, Prime, Apple+, and Disney+ (thanks to Younger Son) have been our viewing habits in 2020. Oh...and The Big Bang Theory reruns. I can't explain why but those ridiculous nerds and their annoying laugh track have kept me entertained, even after dozens of repeated watchings.

We decided to refresh our living space. After four years here, we embarked upon a modest renovation. Of course, we couldn't go anywhere while the contractors were here, so The Husband and I holed up in the small second bedroom for three weeks while they painted. The day after they finished, our humidifier sprung a leak and ruined the ceiling in the front hall. How very 2020 is that? 2021 will begin with more structural repair and even more painting.

We have done jigsaw puzzles (they are not nearly as much fun without my mom beside me) and I have played my guitar, although not nearly as much as I'd like. I learned to work with royal icing and decorated cookies for Chanukah. I've yelled on Twitter, celebrated on Facebook, and played a lot of games of Words with Friends. We have walked the empty neighbourhoods in our area and have distressed over the scores of For Rent signs. And now, as winter has come and we are once again locked down, it is difficult to look ahead to the coming year without a huge dose of cynicism. I am not rosy-eyed in my predictions. There will be a vaccine for all of us, and we should be immensely grateful for the astounding advancement of science, but it won't come soon and I suspect that another Pesach seder will be held online without loved ones and that many more of us will experience a Covid birthday as I did yesterday. 

2020 has been brutal for so many of us. I look back on what I have written and I know that I have been amongst the most fortunate. I didn't have to work in an overrun hospital or deliver groceries. I was spared the horror of having loved ones in a long-term care facility and I didn't have to try to do my job with bored children at home, desperate for friends and school. My family is not separated by the border closure and I don't live alone. My employment didn't disappear because of the forever lingering pandemic. But, 2020 has taught me that nothing is certain and we aren't promised anything. I will take the lessons of 2020 and move into the new year with a renewed love and appreciation for my friends and family. I will resolve nothing, expect nothing, and cherish it all.

Bring it, 2021.

A Chanukah Rip-Off

I am usually loathed to call out businesses for bad behaviour on social media. I much prefer to settle conflicts amicably between the parties without having to resort to a public flogging. When we can work together to remedy a problem, it serves us well going forward and everybody wins. But, there are times when the business practices and behaviour are just so loathsome that they need to be exposed for the crookedness that they are. This is one of those times. The story is below but if you want the TL;DR version, here it is: My Zaidy's Bakery at Bathurst and Steeles ripped off a group of teenagers who were doing a Chanukah fundraiser. 

Here's the story.

My Zaidy's Bakery in Thornhill is the go-to place to purchase sufganiyot for Chanukah. They are simply the best and there is no denying the exceptional quality of their product. Every Jew I know who lives in the North Jewish Ghetto gets their sufganiyot from My Zaidy's. They have been written up in local papers and have consistently topped blog sites for the absolute excellence of their filled donuts. I say this as somebody who doesn't particularly like donuts or sufganiyot but even I can recognize virtuosity when I see it.

My daughter-in-law is a director of youth and family programming at a local synagogue. The teens with whom she works planned to do a fundraiser this Chanukah to raise a few dollars to renovate their badly outdated youth lounge. The kids were putting together Chanukah-themed baskets filled with all sorts of goodies, to be delivered to houses across the city this weekend. The kids pre-sold the baskets with the promise of many treats, including sufganiyot. My daughter-in-law first spoke to My Zaidy's back in November about bulk pricing for the donuts. She was quoted a price of $1.60/per donut and was told that she could place her order up until two days before pickup. The deadline for purchasing the baskets was this past Monday and it was then and only then, that my daughter-in-law could place the order for the donuts because she needed firm numbers. She had a Facebook Messenger conversation with somebody who works at My Zaidy's on Monday, during which the price of $1.60/per donut was affirmed. The person that she spoke with told her that this was their best price and that the deadline for putting in the large order of 43 half dozen boxes (258 sufganiyot in total) was the following day, Tuesday, otherwise, the donuts wouldn't be ready for Friday to put them in the baskets. She even double-checked on Monday evening that it was ok to place the order on Tuesday morning. The entire conversation is time-stamped and recorded in writing on Messenger.

She called the next day, Tuesday to place the order and was told that she was now too late to order and the woman acted as if the entire conversation the previous day hadn't occurred. When my daughter-in-law showed them the recorded conversation, they acted like they were doing her a favour, were incredibly rude to her, and hiked the price to $2.25/per donut. They claimed that they had no recollection of the previous conversation about the price, EVEN when confronted with the evidence from Messenger. They made an excuse that the new cost was now because they had to box the pastries. Were they expecting her to carry 258 donuts out to her car in her hands? As she was under time pressure and without other options for promised sufganiyot to be included in the baskets, she agreed to the extra cost even though it was going to gut the profits the kids were hoping to make for their project. She placed the order to be picked up Friday morning. Concerned about the entire affair, she put in a follow-up call on Thursday afternoon to confirm the order and the pick-up for the following day. She was told that all was good and not to worry.

Yesterday, she trekked up to Thornhill to retrieve the donuts. They told her that they "forgot" about the order and that they didn't have them. She was absolutely furious. It is her guess that they sold the donuts out from under her and expected her to just deal with it. You need to know My Son's B'shert to understand that she wasn't having any of that bullshit. She demanded her order. The owner asked her to come back on Saturday evening to retrieve the order but since the basket deliveries were happening on Saturday afternoon, that solution was a non-starter. They asked her to return later in the afternoon and they promised her the original price of $1.60/per to make up for the hassle. She was incredibly upset about having to make the trip twice and, when she made that known, the person at the bakery asked her where she lived. She told him and he responded, "That's not a Jewish area. Did your goy boyfriend make you move there?"

Now she was being ripped-off and insulted?

She returned to the bakery just before Shabbat. At that time, the manager told her that there was no way could they honour the $1.60/per piece that was just re-promised her in the morning, and that she would have to pay the extra costs after all. He tried to make it up with extra donuts but she was insistent that the money was far more important. It was for the kids and their fundraiser. He even started loading the extra donuts into her car even though she told him that her numbers were fixed and that she had nowhere to give out the extras. He said that the extra boxes would make up for the money he owed her. When she explained that this was akin to stealing from kids, he told her that he would make a donation but that she would have to come back next week after Chanukah to collect it. She isn't holding her breath and certainly doesn't expect him to make good on the "promise".

According to their Facebook page reviews, this isn't the first time My Zaidy's Bakery has screwed around with pre-ordered and pre-paid customers. That kind of behaviour simply isn't cool.

I understand that everybody is suffering right now and that small businesses are bearing an unfair load but that is no excuse for bad business practices or behaviour. My daughter-in-law went out of her way to patronize small local businesses for this project to help them out in this time of struggle. She was met with nothing but kindness from most of the local merchants she dealt with, many of whom donated for the cause out of their meagre profits, and for that she and her youth group are most grateful. At no time did she expect or even ask My Zaidy's to donate the donuts, rather she expected them to just honour their commitment. 

Those who read this space regularly know that I rarely name names. I prefer the subtleness of anonymity but there are times when it is necessary to call a gonif a gonif. This story irritated me beyond belief and I will be reticent to patronize My Zaidy's Bakery in the future because of it. Good sufganiyot simply aren't worth sacrificing my moral code.

Chag Urim Sameach

 I love Chanukah.

It isn't the most important holiday on our calendar by any stretch of the Jewish imagination but it is definitely my favourite and, in my opinion, the most fun.

I suppose that we could argue that Purim is also loads of fun and I do agree that putting little kids in costumes and letting them loose to scream like banshees definitely ranks high on the enjoyment meter, but Purim is more of the "drink until you can't remember that there is a holiday" sort of fun. Chanukah is a more "lovely and sophisticated, let's gather with friends and family" great time. There is no specific Chanukah religious service where we join in the synagogue, so Chanukah is that one time during the year when being together really and truly is the celebration.

And then came Covid...

Every year for the past dozen or so, my mom and I have hosted a Chanukah party at our Southern home. We cook and we bake and we pay attention to small Chanukah-related details. One year, I even learned how to make sufganiyot. This year, that get-together has obviously been put on ice as we are lighting our own Chanukiot from our own and separate Toronto addresses. We aren't pretending that we can put aside the Covid restrictions for the sake of the holiday and be together for even a short amount of time to celebrate. But while I am mourning the loss of our traditions, I am taking comfort in the fact that by forgoing them this year, we are keeping each other safe and there is the promise of holiday celebrations yet to come. 

I don't want to sound bitter or angry but I must admit to seething just a bit when I hear of people who observe other holidays pretending that Covid is on hiatus during those occasions. My family hasn't had a holiday together since March and most of them were far more religiously significant than Chanukah. We have done Zoom seders on Pesach and weekly Shabbat candle lightings. We watched YouTube Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur synagogue services on our computers and have held interactive Torah study sessions online. My community has joined with others across Canada for all-night study on Shavuot and Selichot and will do so again this Saturday during Chanukah. My husband sat shiva for his mother alone in our condo without the comfort of in-person visits with family and friends so, please spare me the lament that you can't possibly do Christmas with only the people that you live with.

I get it. We are all tired and sad. There is so much that we have lost this year. There is no normalcy. I should be with my mom making cookies in Florida and my granddaughter should be with her other grandparents celebrating the holidays in the Midwest. It really sucks. But, we can get through it if we remember that we need each other to sacrifice right now in order to literally survive. 

So, this Chanukah, my Chanukiot are set up in the window here in downtown Toronto ready to have their annual Hillel/Shammai candle debate. We are ordering our latkes from a local cafe in order to help out their business during the city's second lockdown. I baked and decorated (!!) Chanukah cookies. Gifts have been dropped off for Molly and a few surprises will hopefully be coming via delivery for my grown-up kids. (Baruch Ha-Shem!) I will Zoom with my synagogue family over the next few days for candle-lighting and my actual family more often than I care to mention. We celebrate alone this year so that we can all gather in person next Chanukah. Please, everyone, do the same. 

Chag Urim Sameach. May the candles illuminate the darkness we are all experiencing and may we all find health and peace.