It's Difficult to Be Human

Editor's Note: For the fifth consecutive year, Dawn and The Husband will be spending a few nights attending the Toronto International Film Festival, known to the locals as TIFF. While they can now proudly call themselves seasoned veterans at this madness, CoVid-19 has altered how films will be screened this year. While TIFF is offering in-person and drive-in experiences all over the downtown core, neither one of them is yet ready to sit in a theatre with other potential Delta vectors, even though every patron is masked and vaxxed. The roster, while not nearly as robust as in previous years, still offers some wonderful choices so they have increased their number of films to view to six.  Because they are old and, as previously stated congregating in a movie theatre is anathema in this still raging pandemic time, all films will be screened from the comfort of their living room complete with popcorn, a few homemade treats, and lights appropriately dimmed. The only phone calls that will be answered during the viewing of these world premieres are from Molly or Talia because grandchildren rule. TIFF still serves as a tremendous distraction from the world's ills and allows for some much-needed escapism during these tumultuous times. The next several posts will focus exclusively on TIFF and will offer very quick bullet point reviews for the movies seen. You've all been warned.

We found ourselves home on a dreary Sunday afternoon and decided to add a movie to our TIFF '21 repertoire. The beauty of this festival is that tickets remain on sale throughout the fortnight of screenings and single films can be scooped up on a whim. It is even easier with the digital additions, so yesterday we decided to watch one that I had previously wanted to purchase, The Humans.

Stephen Karam has taken his intimate and increasingly smothering 2014 Tony award-winning play and masterfully transformed it into something deliciously conceptual for the screen. It is a rare thing for a playwright to take on the role of screenwriter for film adaptations but it is even rarer still for a playwright to sit in the director's chair. Karam must have been a pure pain in the ass to the studios in his lobbying for the job. In the q and a after the screening, he talked about coming into the initial meetings armed with hundreds of photographs to outline and better conceptualize his vision. His foresight is a success as he transforms what was already a psychologically gut-punch of a family drama into something even more sinister and revelatory. His camera work that moves effortlessly from garbled cross-talking and narrow hallway shots to blackened closeups of the rotting walls of the stifling apartment, is a metaphor for the crumbling of the family we see before us. There is a sense of horror and dread that descends upon the audience as we can almost feel the pain that the characters are going through. A series of creaks, bangs, and blackouts coming from the ageing infrastructure only heightens our trepidation.

The cast is a stellar ensemble. Led by Tony winner Jane Houdyshell who reprises her award-winning role as the matriarch and the always undefinable Richard Jenkins as the anxiety-ridden father who is trying and failing miserably to hold his family together. The talent is unsurpassed. Beanie Feldstein is just a joy to watch practice her craft and a special shout-out has to be given to a wonderful Amy Schumer who absolutely shines in her first dramatic turn. Rounding out the cast are Steven Yeun and June Squibb. There are a lot of acting nominations in that sextet. A lesser group of actors could have made this piece feel stilted and junky but this group has obvious chemistry and it shows in the finished product. 

It takes a lot of guts to make a movie during a pandemic lockdown that is as claustrophobic as The Humans is and at times it is difficult to watch. There are definitely some slow parts and while I believe they are deliberate, this is not a movie for the casual movie-goer or the escapist. The Humans requires some deep thinking by the audience and that isn't always everybody's cup of Diet Coke. It is yet another film that required some deep marination after viewing and it took me some time to appreciate the majesty of the work. The Husband wasn't so sure and is still coming to terms with what he saw.

Dawn gives The Humans a YUP. The Husband isn't yet ready to decide but his ambivalence is more about the structure of the piece and not the acting or the subject matter. He is on the fence.

It's TIFF Time, Once Again

Editor's Note: For the fifth consecutive year, Dawn and The Husband will be spending a few nights attending the Toronto International Film Festival, known to the locals as TIFF. While they can now proudly call themselves seasoned veterans at this madness, CoVid-19 has altered how films will be screened this year. While TIFF is offering in-person and drive-in experiences all over the downtown core, neither one of them is yet ready to sit in a theatre with other potential Delta vectors, even though every patron is masked and vaxxed. The roster, while not nearly as robust as in previous years, still offers some wonderful choices so they have increased their number of films to view to six.  Because they are old and, as previously stated congregating in a movie theatre is anathema in this still raging pandemic time, all films will be screened from the comfort of their living room complete with popcorn, a few homemade treats, and lights appropriately dimmed. The only phone calls that will be answered during the viewing of these world premieres are from Molly or Talia because grandchildren rule. TIFF still serves as a tremendous distraction from the world's ills and allows for some much-needed escapism during these tumultuous times. The next several posts will focus exclusively on TIFF and will offer very quick bullet point reviews for the movies seen. You've all been warned.

One of the reasons that I love TIFF so much, is because of the opportunity to see a film in its pristine state. The critics haven't yet gotten a hold of it and haven't ruined my viewing experience with their opinions and spoilers. For the most part, the movies at TIFF haven't yet been "internetted". So it was with great excitement that we sat down last night to watch the latest offering from one of my all-time favourite directors, Jane Campion. The Power of the Dog seems at first glance, easy enough to understand. The story of two rancher brothers working the land in 1925 Montana is a story that we think we have seen many times before. But, there is a prickliness and uneasiness that attacks the viewer from the very beginning, like we know something is going to happen but we are never sure what or when it might occur. The sparseness with which Campion treats Thomas Savage's 1967 novel almost knocked me over and I was laid bare by the harshness of the continual toxic masculinity that would have surely been muted in the hands of a less skillful director. The raging undercurrent of sexual suppression seems like the perfect complement to Campion's earlier work in The Piano and the two movies almost seem like bookends.

The cast and the acting are stellar. Benedict Cumberbatch is haunting as the miserable and bullying Phil. His name will surely be mentioned come awards season. Jesse Plemons, Kirsten Dunst, and newcomer Kodi Smit McPhee are all stellar and play their roles sensitively and heroically. The chemistry between the grizzled and angry Phil and the sensitive, brainy McPhee is obvious from the beginning. They circle each other like boxers in a ring, waiting for the other to strike first. There were a few slow moments in this cerebral Western-noir but after stewing about it for almost 24-hours, I realize that the quiet moments were emotional setups for what was to come.

Jane Campion hasn't been in the director's chair for a feature film in almost a decade. (She did helm the tv miniseries Top of the Lake which I highly recommend.) The wait has been worth it as The Power of the Dog is a fine film that requires the audience to do some marinating after viewing. I wish that there had been a q and a session after the screening because I still have so many questions still unanswered. The Power of the Dog is a Netflix film and will be available to stream in December. I urge you to stay away from the critics and spoilers until then and decide for yourselves. The ending is worth the two hours.

Dawn and The Husband give The Power of the Dog two hearty YUPS. 

My First Letter to Talia

My dearest Talia,

I started writing these letters shortly after Molly was born. I wanted to record my feelings of joy, excitement, pain, sorrow, trepidation, and mostly the immense pride that I felt watching my grandchild make her way into the world. The letters evolved into birthday missives that I plan on continuing for as long as I am able. I realized that as much as I was writing these for her, I was also writing them for me. I wanted her to have a tangible record of what her grandmother was feeling, hoping, and praying for during a specific moment in time that coincided with her growing up. You can call it my slightly self-centred gift to my granddaughter. It is really easy to get caught up and bogged down in the little things that happen every day. I wanted to zoom out a bit and focus on the big picture of what I feel is important and how that might impact the lives of my children and grandchildren.

Talia, it is now your turn to receive your very first letter from Bubby on your one-week birthday. I will admit that I wasn't quite ready to write this post. I thought that I'd have a few more weeks. You were obviously very anxious to make your world debut. The rapidity and punctuality with which you made your entrance made me hopeful for the future. Sometimes, just showing up on time is half the battle with much of what we have to deal with in our lives. We show others how much we care about them, their time, their efforts, and their experiences when we are prompt. It is a sign of great respect to be timely. You taught us all a great lesson this week. We have been living in an era where the passage of time seems to have lost its relevance. You reminded me that it still matters.

We are living in the most uncertain period of my lifetime. You are being born into a world that is currently being ravaged by disease, a climate apocalypse, and an acute lack of intellectualism. There is simply no communal trust in expertise anymore. Everybody is an authority on everything. A logical and unheated conversation about practically anything is almost impossible these days. We have untethered ourselves as a world community from a central and agreeable set of facts. We have spent the past eighteen months bathing in our own emotional wastelands and have forgotten how to interact with one another outside of a few meaningless posts on social media. Everybody is exhausted and so many are angry. It would be easy to just give up and pretend that nihilism rules. But, I refuse to do that. I will go down swinging working for and in defense of a productive and healthy future for you. You and your sister matter so much to me that the idea of conceding defeat to a bunch of intellectually corrupted twatwaffles is anathema. Education matters. Integrity matters. A strong moral code matters. Science matters. Collective responsibility matters. Family matters. The world is very messed up right now but when I look at you, I see hope. I think about what you can accomplish. You have the potential to see and create the next century. As long as I have the ability, I will move heaven and earth to defeat those forces that want to make that path difficult for you to traverse. There will always be people who want to delay and obstruct progress. There will always be people that care more for their own power and bank accounts than they do for society at large. I look at you and I offer you a solemn vow that I will do what I can to move these people out of the way so that you and your generation can fulfill the promise of better days. I swear that I will make you proud.

The name you carry is one of strength. I wish you could have known your great-grandmother Temmy. We lost her less than a year ago and I know that she would have loved you with all of her heart. She was proud, stubborn to a fault, difficult at times, and one of the strongest women I have ever met. She didn't have an easy life. Her physical challenges and her emotional baggage could be exhausting at times but she never ever gave up. She was a fighter until the very end. She desperately loved her family and she supported all of our decisions unfailingly, even if she didn't agree with them. This past year has been very difficult on your Zaidy. Losing her in the middle of the pandemic without a proper ability to grieve has been unbelievably miserable. You are her direct legacy. Always wear your name with pride and know that the person from whom it comes was a true Eyshet Chail, a woman of immense valour. 

I need you to know that your parents are two of the finest people I know. I realize that I speak from a place of extreme bias but I'm pretty sure that many others would agree with me. They care so much about so many and are doing whatever they can to make your's and your sister's lives easy, comfortable, and safe. I wanted to give them this shout-out because I am not certain as to when you might read this and I know that there will be times ahead when you will vehemently disagree, argue, and test their limits. You need to know that they love you unconditionally and that they will never stop communicating with you even if they are angry. It is the first rule of family. Never stop talking even when they make you crazy. And if you ever just need someone else to listen to you or a shoulder to cry on in times of difficulty, you can know with certainty that I will be that person. I can't promise that I will always agree with you but I will always hear you out. Beware. I am an opinionated bitch but we tough women need to stick together.

You have the great good fortune of having a ready-made best friend here waiting for you. Molly is so excited that you've finally arrived. She has broken in your parents for you and has made these initial days and months a bit easier by equipping them with the needed parenting skills. If you two play your cards right, she will be your playmate, confidant, co-conspirator, comrade-in-arms, and a sidekick for the rest of your lives. A sibling is the person who knows you from childhood through adolescence to adulthood. They are the ones who know you best throughout your entire life. No parent, friend, or spouse can ever know you as intimately or deeply as a sibling. Be there for her and she will reciprocate in kind.

Here are a few early lessons that are moral imperatives. 

1. Never dismiss any kind of music without thoroughly listening to it. That said, autotuning is for the lazy musician.

2. Always dance like you don't care who is watching.

3. Eat for fun and nutrition. One without the other really sucks.

4. Be comfortable in your clothing. 

5. Treat the earth with care.

6. Be a rule follower and a rule breaker and understand the difference. 

7. Love animals.

8. Add colour to everything.

These first few months and years will be exciting. We will discover all that you are and will learn about who you are meant to become. I will attempt to curb my judgemental tendencies and give you the space you need to grow and develop organically. You are blessed with terrific role models. Ask them for advice, watch what they do, and then formulate your own decisions. Mistakes are ok. Just remember to be empathetic, sympathetic, attentive, curious, and just stubborn enough, but with the ability to admit fault when needed. I have never felt such peace as when I looked upon your face for the first time. For the first time in almost two years, I have hope again. I won't ever take that for granted.

In Judaism, we believe in L'dor Vador, that in every generation we must teach our children and carry on our heritage and faith. Never be ashamed of who you are. We are a resilient people.

I love you to the moon and back, Talia. May this first year bring us only good things. 

Kein y'hi ratzon. May this be God's will.

Love, 

Bubby

Me And The Marvel Universe

I am not a superhero movie fan at all.

I have seen the odd Superman flick (Christopher Reeves was a beautiful man) and will cop to loving Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man but, mostly, I find them stupid and loud. That said, I did raise two boys to men who love this shit, so one could say that I am definitely Marvel/DC adjacent. I have seen a few of these flicks that have over-saturated the movie market for the last decade but I do struggle with the connections, histories, and origin stories. Also, I get my Chris-es mixed up. Hemsworth, Evans, Pratt, Pine...they're all in this mess somewhere. Was there some edict handed down by Hollywood studios that you can't front a superhero movie unless your name is Chris? And to make matters worse, Chris Evans plays one role in The Fantastic 4 and a totally different one in Captain America. There are three incarnations of Spider-Man, two of The Fantastic 4 and two of The Incredible Hulk. Don't even get me started on Superman and Batman. It is also important to mention that The Husband HATES this stuff with a passion that is hot and deep, so watching any of these films has to be a solo activity. 

But, I'm bored and tired of baking things, so I thought that a new viewing hobby might pass the time a bit quicker. The term "quicker" is relative here.

I was in conversation with Younger Son last week and I asked him to explain a bit of the mythology that comes from the Marvel Universe. After some back and forth, it became obvious that in order to be able to fully engage in this bullshit, I needed to watch these films in some semblance of order. Younger Son, a self-described and extremely proud geek, sent me a Marvel list along with his Disney+ subscription. Since we are still technically in lockdown, I've started to make my way through this morass of "entertainment". I am four films into his list and am stunned that I can probably reduce each film to a description/review of fifteen words or less. So, that's what I'm going to do. After every film viewed, I will post a fifteen-word or less synopsis of it both here and on my Facebook page.  (Give me a follow if you want to read them.) 

A few initial impressions after my first quartet. 

1. These movies are ridiculously loud but only for the special effects and music. The dialogue isn't. I am forever adjusting the volume so that I can hear the lines. At one point during Thor, I realized that the dialogue really wasn't all that important. 

2. These movies are also incredibly dark. There are entire scenes when I have to sit within inches of the screen in order to discern the action.

3. I am amazed at the number of A-list actors that signed on for these flicks. The money and exposure are really that good. I have counted six Oscar winners amongst my first four films and several more nominees. Marvel is a very lucrative gig for an actor.

4. The interconnections and planning of these films are kind of brilliant. 

5. I love the Stan Lee cameos. It is a bit like searching for Hitchcock. I haven't made my way to any of the movies made after his death. I'm going to miss him.

Ok...Here goes. Dawn's Marvel Movie Reviews in fifteen words or less.

1. Iron Man (2008)

Tony Stark is a colossal asshole. Gwyneth Paltrow's career has gone to goop.

2. The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Bruce Banner's morose. Lou Ferrigno's apparently the only person who can voice Hulk. Hulk Smash.

3. Iron Man 2 (2010)

 Terrence Howard out, Don Cheadle in. I wasn't fooled.

4.  Thor (2011)

The cutest Chris is Hemsworth. Lots of frozen monsters.

5. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Favourite so far. Evans is the erudite Chris. Tucci and Nazis.

6. The Avengers (2012)

Getting the band together. Loki a man of mischief. Hulk's always angry. Loved it!

7. Iron Man 3 (2013)

Demons. Sir Ben's a red herring actor. Tony/Pepper save each other. Meh.

8. Thor: The Dark World (2013)

This film defines why the genre is hated. Hot Thor. Idris, hotter. Loathed it.

9. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) 

Cap's my favourite Avenger. Moral. Redford homage to Condor. Natasha's character rounded. Fun flick.

10. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) 

Space movies not my jam. Pratt's the fun Chris. Raccoon > squirrel. Really enjoyable.

11. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2105)

Lots of explosions. Lots of heart. I prefer stand-alone films. Hawkeye gets a story.

12. Ant-Man (2015)

Marvel's caper movie. I love caper movies. I love Paul Rudd. Totally charming.

13. Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Too many characters and stories. Cap's still my favourite. The moral compass. Wakanda forever.

14. Dr. Strange (2016)

Marvel's Kung Fu. Mystic religiousism. Great cast. The Avengers needed faith and belief.

15. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 (2017)

Guardians fan. Music's a character. Kurt's a great villain. Father/Son dynamic is great.

16. Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

3rd incarnation of Spidey. Teenager funster version. Avenger learns on the job. Charming. 

17. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Taika Watiti makes everything fun. Cate Blanchett is a great villain. I loved it!

18. Black Panther (2018)

Chadwick was a star. My favourite so far. Wakanda Forever.

19. Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

I prefer stand-alone films. Too many stories. Humourous but too disjointed. Thanos is meh.

20. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Paul Rudd is still charming. Pretty standard fare. Two hours of escapism is good.

21. Captain Marvel (2019)

First female-fronted film. Bad-ass Brie. Annette and Jude are excellent villains.

22. Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Really stupid. Blows up everything. Sacrifice and idiocy. I prefer stand-alone films.

23. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Holland is charming. Zendaya is dark. Gyllenhall is a sexy villain. Blows shit up.

Check back in this space at your leisure. I will keep updating.

To Molly: As She Turns 3

Good Golly, Miss Molly,

Look at you, my Big Girl! 

Here you are today, three and so full of piss and vinegar, it is almost impossible to contain. Your mother calls you her "threen-ager." I kind of love that. It perfectly encapsulates the animating life force that is so strong within you. Some might call you stubborn but I prefer to see you as persistent and independent. Hold onto these traits, dear one. The world is not always kind to women who pursue their own paths but the strength of conviction you possess will change a lot of minds. Keep dancing like you don't care who is watching, keep singing with a full heart and full voice, and keep pushing limits, even when it might get you into a bit of trouble. 

This past year hasn't been easy and with any luck at all, the biggest blessing to come out of this worldwide misery is that you won't remember most of it. I credit much of that to the normalcy that your parents tried desperately to maintain in your everyday life. There has been a lot of sadness and stress in the world this year but your small corner of it has been mercifully less messed up than most. Even though this is your second birthday of the pandemic and family gatherings are still restricted, I have no doubt that the celebration will be exciting and fun because Mom and Dad will make it so. There are so many people that wish they could be with you today but circumstances being as they are means that Zoom and FaceTime now act as poor but necessary substitutes for in-person visits. It pains me that you have become such an expert FaceTimer but while I hate that the computer is often in our way, I thank God for its presence during these horrific lockdowns and separations. I can't even imagine what our lives would have been like this year without it. You have also been blessed with a wonderful preschool that has followed all Covid protocols and has, thus far, remained open throughout the entire year. You love going there and have made so many friends. It is unfortunate that you can't yet have playdates outside of school but watching you socialize with kids your own age and learning so much from such wonderfully caring teachers has been a special part of this year. I love seeing the excitement on your face when you run to the school door.

There are things that I desperately wish you never had to know about. Learning how to wear a mask is not a lesson I would have ever thought someone would have had to teach you. Having two Covid birthdays really sucks. Online learning for the last half of your first year in preschool was less than optimum, as was being forced inside for months at a time. I know that Mom and Dad were concerned about how all of this new normal might affect you but, to their immense credit, it seems to have had minimal effect. Watching you blow past us on your scooter last week made me realize that no matter how fragile we think kids are, you guys always surprise us with your learning abilities and resilience. 

It is easy to think about all of the things that we have missed this year, listing them would take two of these letters, but I am trying to be more focused on what we've been able to do together. We have lit Shabbat candles as an extended family every single week since this madness began and when travel became impossible, we invited Grandma and Grandpa to join us from Ohio. Watching you search the Zoom screen for your Uncle Daniel while totally ignoring the rest of us, has been a weekly joke. (I think he is secretly slipping you chocolate on the weekends.) Knowing that you are learning the blessings at school and trying to replicate them at home is lovely for this Jewish Bubby to witness. I hold onto the together times with a jealous ferocity, even though most have been online, because I refuse to sacrifice any of it to this misery. I can't wait for hugs, parties, reading, sleepovers, holidays, cooking lessons, jumping in puddles, sing-a-thons, snuggles,  treasure hunts, and movies to resume. I will never again take any of it for granted and I will cherish every single moment we spend together.

There are changes coming to your family this year. I know that some of them might seem jarring at first but all of it is great. You will be moving to a new home with wonderful new space and outdoor play areas. No worries. Mom, Dad, and Gus get to come too and so many people who love you will come to visit very soon. Change is the mechanism for growth and even though it might seem a bit scary, in August you will welcome a sibling. There is no relationship in a person's life that is as long lasting nor as intuitive as that of siblings. A sibling knows you from cradle to grave. If you play your cards right, she will be your best friend forever. She won't be the same as you and she might not like everything you like to do but she will love you unconditionally from her first breath and will depend on you to help guide her early on. She might play with your toys when you don't want her to or she might wear clothes that you have long since grown out of. There will be times when she will make you really angry. When the anger subsides, always forgive. Never stop talking to each other and understand your differences. A bit of jealousy is normal but the love you will feel for her will overtake it. Go with that emotion. It is stronger and should win out. It is a big responsibility but also a great gift. Be gentle, understanding, supportive, and non-judgemental. It will take some time to develop the relationship but it is my dearest hope that it will be deep-rooted and enduring. Honestly, the idea of you as a big sister tickles and thrills me all at the same time.

There is a lot going on right now. It is a lot to digest for most grown-ups, let alone a girl of three. You keep being you and the outside stuff will hopefully take care of itself. If the world becomes a bit too much for you to handle every now and then, Zoom chat with Bubby and we'll sing, dance, or read together. And very soon, we will do it ALL in person. 

Happy Birthday, my heart. 

May it be fun, exciting, filled with balloons, cake and lots of treats.

Love you to the moon and back again.

Love,

Bubby

 

A Few Things That I Will Never Again Take For Granted

It was at this time, almost exactly a year ago, that I began my personal CoVid panic.

We were still at The Southern Home with the expectation that we would have another month or so in the sun. We were aware of the awfulness emanating from China and Italy and we were justifiably horrified, but we pushed all thoughts of a pandemic to the farthest recesses of our minds. It simply couldn't happen here, could it? Certainly not in the most sophisticated and medically competent regions on the planet. 

That Friday evening, a full year ago today, we had an outdoor Shabbat barbeque with some friends. It was then that I suggested that this new disease seemed different from other viruses that we had lived through in recent years. Unlike AIDS or Ebola, this sickness seemed closer and more casually infectious. Even to us Torontonians who had lived through the SARS epidemic, this new ailment seemed so very foreign and external. I was chided for my overreaction and gently ribbed about my default panic response. It is true, I do tend to skew towards anxiety and trepidation but this time it felt different.

A few days later, as the images from overseas rose to the top of every newscast and website, we had a patio lunch at a South Florida restaurant in order to wish a bon voyage to a dear couple leaving for a 90-day cruise. It was the last time I ate in a restaurant and the last time I had a meal with anybody other than my immediate family. That same afternoon, I had a long conversation with my brother back home in Toronto and we agreed it was time to get my parents home. There was talk of border closings and flight cancellations and we needed to be proactive. I immediately went to their place, booked them flights to come home three days later, and went to pack. The Husband and I left South Florida the next day and the world was forever changed. 

There has been a lot written about the people we have lost and the things that have forever been altered. Every single person on the planet has had to find their own way to slog through a shitload of misery. But as we enter into year two of this craziness, I have been giving some serious thought to things that really matter but I previously took for granted. 

1. Hugs. I know that everyone isn't a hugger and some people are averse to serious hugging but human contact is fundamental to our well-being. When you can't have a hug, you really want one. I really want one...or many.

2. Smiles. Masks cover-up smiles. Smiles from strangers at the grocery store or from a small child at a playground. We have learned to recognize smiling eyes. It will be great to see great big toothy smiles again.

3. Walking. Who would have thought that it would take quarantine and stay-at-home orders for people to start walking again? Even in the most suburban and car-friendly locations, pedestrianism is the new driving. Let's hope it continues.

4. Dinners with friends and family. I am not much of a restaurant-goer but I do miss the socialization of dinners with people I love. There were a few of those in the summer with our immediate family bubble but they once again disappeared into the ether when we reentered lockdown in November. When this is all over, I will try and say yes to every single invitation and host more than my share of events. I don't want to miss any more good times with loved ones.

5. A really good pair of socks. With all the walking and exercise we've been getting, a good pair of sturdy and water-resistant socks is essential. I have often stated how much I hate socks. I was wrong. Socks matter. I bought some great ones recently and I can't tell you how much they've changed my life.

6. Hobbies. The breadth and depth of new hobbies have been inspiring. I've seen people take up cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, jigsaw puzzles, jogging, photography, gardening, bread-making, cycling, birding, and the list just keeps on growing. In the absence of group activities, hobbies that take you away from your everyday work, are so very important. They challenge the mind and keep the body engaged. Acquiring new hobbies is an underrated benefit of this pandemic.

7. Group Singing. Yes, I have been a part of those pre-recorded Zoom choirs and yes, it does fill a certain void, but there is absolutely nothing that compares with a group of people singing together. There is simply no way to do this in real-time across the internet and it sucks. Singing with people induces endorphins and brings disparate groups of people together. I desperately want to sing with people in the same space again. 

8. Birthdays. I have never been a huge birthday person. It happens every year and I tend to move on but this year has made me realize that every birthday and anniversary is worth celebrating. Some of us are moving closer to a second Covid birthday. How crappy is that? I had a conversation recently with my Other Dad and he told me that he wants to host a huge birthday party when this is all over. Everybody gets a cake. Everybody gets balloons. We've all earned it.

9. Phone Calls. I am a terrible phone friend. I prefer texting and emailing. I simply don't chat well and the phone demands it, but the pandemic has made the contact of the human voice necessary. It doesn't have to be every day or even every week but phone calls or Zoom visits have been an important part of my continued good mental health. 

10. Jewish Ritual. Pre-pandemic, I never thought twice about the rituals on which I was raised. Funeral attendance, shiva visits, rejoicing with bride and groom, caring for the sick, communal prayer, Passover seders, Shabbat candle-lightings, have all been altered or abandoned this year. It has been soul-crushing. The idea of a second Pesach with an online seder is sad beyond belief but I am more determined than ever to make it work. I hope others feel the same because without that connection to our rituals we have become Jewish shells with no substance. 

There is a glimmer of light on the horizon and there is a real chance that some of the things we've lost will come back in the next few months but I will never again take them for granted. I am interested in what things really matter to you that you previously took for granted. Please add them to the comment section or hit me up on Facebook. 

Shabbat Shalom to all who observe.

I Lost A Friend Yesterday

 I lost a friend yesterday to this miserable plague.

She had several decades on me but could absolutely outlift me on the weight machines in the gym. She worked out with a trainer several times a week, walked with purpose, was full of piss and vinegar, made friends wherever she went and was smart as a whip. She was the vice-president of our condo board down in Florida and was the type of person who never let any problem go unsolved. I don't recall ever seeing her sit still and I don't recall her ever saying no to me when I needed a favour. She was just that kind of person. But while she was my friend and a very good one at that, she was my mother's best friend. Outside of family, she was the one person who had a real impact on my mother these past few years and I credit her with pure love for lifting my mom out of the abyss following my aunt's death. To watch my mother grieve another best friend is crushing beyond anything you can possibly imagine and to make it worse, I can't be with her in person right now as we are still in lockdown. When I offered to go to her yesterday when we got the news, she was emphatic in her "no". "I can't lose anybody else to this disease", she said. "Stay home now so that we can hug safely soon." I lost my composure and had to hang up.

We Jews are told that it is a mitzvah to comfort the mourners. In this time of pandemic, there is simply no easy way to do that without violating quarantine. I can't sit with Mom on the couch and hold her while she cries. I can't hug her. I can cry with her over Facetime or Zoom and I can deliver some meals but we all know that human contact is vital when trying to help someone navigate grief and right now, it simply cannot be. When my mother-in-law died in November, I did everything I could to help The Husband find a palatable path through shiva and shloshim. We arranged Zoom shiva visits and meals and believe me, he appreciated every single phone call, text, and virtual visit, but the lack of in-person human contact was stifling. He still hasn't seen his brothers since the funeral and it pains him every single day. There are just some things that the online world cannot appropriately duplicate. 

We will gather remotely for a funeral early next week and I am certain that there will be an opportunity for a Zoom shiva visit but I am just so very sad and so very angry. I am grieving the loss of my friend and also the loss of the norms that would help us get through this difficult time. I am angry because I believe that her death was entirely avoidable. There is no way to ascertain how she contracted Covid or why she suffered and died while her 91-year-old husband had a very mild case. Florida is pretty much a hot mess right now and the state's governor has been a Covid asshole. I am writing this piece not because I want you to offer thoughts and prayers. If you have made it this far into the post, I know that your heart is good and your intentions are pure. I am writing it to plead with you all to do what is necessary for a little longer. We here in Canada cannot count on mass vaccinations any time soon so we have to maintain public health measures even if we are all fatigued. If you are considering going out for anything other than necessities when the province lifts the lockdown order next week, I beg you to reconsider. If you think that getting that haircut or having that coffee date with friends is vital, think again. Wear a mask. Wear two! Stay out of congregant indoor settings and if you can stay home for your work, please do. Minimize your contacts as much as possible. Please be wise and stay safe.

I lost a friend yesterday to Covid. We will never have that long-promised bagel and coffee I owed her for helping out my cousins in December. She wasn't merely a number in the pandemic counts. She was a dear person who will be missed by all who knew her. Think of her the next time you complain about wearing your mask or your isolation.

Zichrona Livracha. May her memory always be a blessing.