Go Vote

Tomorrow is election day across Ontario. Tomorrow we choose the leaders involved with our most personal municipal decisions over the next four years. Tomorrow, we citizens choose our mayors, councillors, and school board trustees. It is democracy in its purest form, yet it is a right that too many of us take for granted. In 2018, only 41% of Torontonians chose to exercise their franchise. That number was way down from the 2014 vote, which saw almost 55%. (In fairness, that was the year we turned out to turf The Fords.)

By all accounts, this mayoral election is a slam dunk, so says the media, which has pretty much abdicated its responsibility to hold the current office-holder to account for his record. John Tory hasn't held a single news conference during this election cycle, and he has only participated in a paltry two debates, both held on weekday afternoons. He has spent most of his time campaigning for friendly and vulnerable councillors who will continue to support his agenda. (Whatever that might be because he hasn't laid out a single new policy initiative, nor has he pointed to a single accomplishment after eight years in office.) That said, his most involved challenger is Gil Peñalosa, a city planner with zero political experience and a raft of great city-building ideas but no real thoughts on how to implement them. We Torontonians are poorer for the lack of a strong challenger to the mayor and a proper debate about our city, and it has allowed him to probably coast to an easy victory tomorrow.

This ridiculous coronation is our fault. We have allowed ourselves to buy into the idea that the man who saved the city from another disastrous term of Ford is indeed a good mayor and city manager. He is a decent man and was a decent manager during Covid, but his failures are everywhere, from overflowing garbage bins to a white elephant rebuild of the Gardiner. Simply put, John Tory is a terrible politician, but that isn't the point of this post. This post is designed to inform you of what you accept if you choose not to vote.

If you choose not to vote...

* You are saying that you are perfectly fine with the homeless situation in our city.

* You are comfortable with the state of our roads, transit, and parks. 

* You are ok with the lack of a strong Vision Zero plan to address the carnage on our roads that claims the lives of pedestrians and cyclists on a daily basis.

* You are fine with police abdicating their traffic enforcement role and allowing the police budget to balloon out of control.

* You think essential services like garbage bin collections, broken water fountains, shuttered public bathrooms, pothole repair, tree limb collection, and pruning are functioning at a high level.

* You are content with the shuttering of city programs because of staffing shortages and poor compensation.

* You are happy with the province turning the Ontario Place grounds into a luxury spa rather than increasing our downtown greenspace and not having a mayor express his opinion.

* You are perfectly content with a stormwater management plan that doesn't exist. 

* You thought that the clearing of snow from city roads and sidewalks during the mega storms last season was done efficiently.

These are just a few of the things that you are abdicating responsibility for if you skip voting tomorrow. 

I can't make you go out and vote. I can only hope that if this post moves you, you will rethink your apathy. 

Vote in whatever municipality you live tomorrow. Vote for your city. Vote for a better quality of life for everybody.

We are all in this together. 

 

My Brief Sojourn Back into Society

I stuck a pinkie toe into the life reintegration pool today.

As somebody who suffers from asthma and is therefore deemed "high-risk", I have managed to avoid indoor locations as much as possible over the past sixteen weeks.

Sixteen weeks. Sixteen fricking weeks. 

An entire season has disappeared into the ether while we have all been trying to learn what works, what's safe, and what is necessary. Some of us are braver than others and some are plainly just more reckless, but all of us are navigating through a new societal tsunami that will leave things changed forever. Don't kid yourselves. These are our new routines for the foreseeable future and possibly longer than that, whether we want them to be or not. Companies, businesses, and industries that don't adapt will most assuredly fail. People who see themselves as better than or more elite than their neighbours will be shunned. Never before in our history has the term "we are all in this together" been more truthful or apropos.

But we must live and we must do the necessary things to carry on and while I have been able to deal with essentials like groceries or medications online or with minimal contact, some things just demand an in-person visit, things like yearly medical tests at a hospital imaging clinic.

The hospital that I was booked at is one not near my home. I seriously considered driving uptown in order to avoid the potentially claustrophobic public transit but the city of Toronto has boxed in my neighbourhood with a morass of road closures, streetcar rail replacement, and bridge repairs. All at the same time. It simply didn't make sense to spend hours in my car, travelling through detours and "west to get east" alternatives when the TTC could get me there in a far more timely and less stressful fashion. And so, I pushed through my CoVID anxiety, packed my Purell and Wet Wipes, donned a mask, and headed for the subway.

Here are some basic and wholly anecdotal observations from a city still suffering from PTSD and in the very early stages of Phase 2 opening.

1. Most people on the TTC, both streetcars and subways, are masked up. That isn't to say it is universal, but it is certainly better than I expected. The full TTC mask bylaw doesn't go into effect until Thursday so I was expecting a lot of scofflaws. I was pleasantly surprised. There were a few 30-something dudes (all guys on my trip) who decided that they were above it all and who stink-eyed anybody who even so much as looked in their direction but all in all, it wasn't a bad trip north. The trains were fairly empty and everybody physically distanced. I'm not sure how that is going to work when the Bay Street Bros head back downtown but for now, it didn't suck. (Of course, I Purell' ed whenever I felt uncomfortable, so there is that.)

2. Hospitals are weird places these days. Other than access to the emergency department, visitors are all herded through a single entrance. I was met with a physically distanced line that led to a front desk behind plexiglass whereby I was questioned about my basic health and made to hand sanitize. (These people don't know me otherwise, they could have saved on the squirt.) I was directed to the elevators (no stair climbing allowed) and on to imaging. Everything in the hospital is now clearly a one-way street. God help the poor bastard who doubles back. The screeches from nurses and cleaning staff can be deafening.

3. After another physically distanced line, (We really need to stop calling it social distancing. There is nothing social about it) I was greeted by another masked manager behind glass. She sanitized a piece of foam rubber, slipped it through the opening in the glass and asked me to place my health card on it. She then did her thing on the computer, re-sanitized the foam, and slid my card back to me.

4. I was directed to a segregated waiting area whereby I sat alone until I was called for my tests. This is not the hospital experience I remembered from just last year. I found myself longing for the commiseration with other patients and the forlorn looks that said "I understand. Don't worry. We'll get through it together." But, there was nobody.

5. Just when I thought that human connection was impossibly lost forever, I was greeted by the loveliest ultrasound technician in the history of ultrasound technicians. I am convinced of it. Mary is warm, caring, talkative, and so in tune with the isolation that her patients are feeling. A former radiologist from India, (she was never able to get her medical license reinstated in Canada due to a lack of internships and that is a miserable shame for anybody who might have had her as their physician) she not only handled my tests with care and professionalism but she knew that I was craving a chat from somebody who wasn't yelling at me to mind my distance. By the time it was all over, she had offered to fix up Older Son with any number of lovely young women, asked me if there were any available units in our building for sale because she is looking to buy a place downtown for her kids, showed me photos of her family, and gave me her email address so that I could keep her updated on my life. I swear that I am not making any of this up. The post-it is still in my pocket. Mary reminded me why I love this city and why I believe that even though there will be more changes to come, some undoubtedly difficult, we all just want the best for each other.

6. I headed back home, still fully masked and still fully physically distanced. As I disembarked the subway at St. Andrew, I spotted the TTC employees handing out free masks for all riders. It's coming, people. Get used to it. If this asthmatic could spend four hours in a mask without removing it, some entitled Dude-Bro from Etobicoke can certainly handle it for an hour.

7. I was going to hop a streetcar home but it is just so lovely outside I decided to walk. My encounter with Mary switched on my positivity gene. I did notice that the fare collectors on the streetcar are back. Can anybody explain to me why their uniforms look like they are ready for Kent State circa 1970? I mean, they carry fucking billy clubs. They are FARE enforcement officers, not suiting up for Fallujah. Honestly, they need to dial this shit back a hundred notches. But...I wasn't about to let them ruin my mood so I walked. It was invigorating. Little by little, my neighbourhood is coming back to life.

I refuse to argue with anybody about masks. They work. It is obvious from the data. If you can't manage to help me out by wearing one, I have little use for you. Not wearing one isn't some resistance political statement but rather, it is a display of your ignorance. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it's don't engage the stupid.

I wouldn't say that I feel entirely comfortable yet. I'm still avoiding the grocery store and other high traffic areas but if today taught me anything it is that some necessary things are manageable and I won't live in fear of them any longer. I won't be in a restaurant any time soon but a Starbucks is not out of the question. Masked, pre-ordered, and picked up at the door. Mary made me feel like I can do it.

Happy Canada Day. 

My Top Ten Toronto Sporting Moments of the Decade

The decade is coming to a merciful end and believe it or not, that means people have a deep-seated compulsion to create lists.

I marvel at these best of/worst of lists mostly because I honestly can't remember a single movie or television show that I watched back in 2010 that would provide any relevancy to anybody today. I can't even remember what I watched last week so why would I pretend to find hidden understanding and share some perceptive insight into what I thought about The Leftovers, Fleabag, or Killing Eve, shows I watched several years ago but can't recall enough details about to make a list worthwhile. So, an end of decade list of TV shows or movies was dismissed by me out of hand.

I did, however, give some thought to the best of Toronto sports experiences of this past decade. There are several reasons for my compiling this list.

1. Toronto is traditionally a really sucky place to be a sports fan. We spend more time than almost any other city in North America yelling "Wait until next year", and frankly it gets old fast. But, this decade has been different and offered not just hope, but extended periods of actual ebullience. I felt it was time, as a long-suffering Toronto sports fan, to offer up some real remembrance of the thrill of victory rather than of the agony of defeat.

2. Sports bring people of all types together in a common pursuit. Over the last ten years, Toronto has seen the rise of collective cheering locales like Maple Leaf Square and Jurassic Park; places where dedicated and devoted fans can come together and cheer or commiserate with total strangers. Even regular-season games have become community events like no other, and they have brought a diverse city together for something tremendously positive.

3. There has been so much shit in these teen years of the twenty-first century that a bit of reliving the good and exciting can't be a bad thing.

And so, without further delay, I offer up Toronto's Best Sporting Moments of the Past Decade.

10. The Toronto Raptors hire Masai Ujiri (2014) I should say they re-hired him as he had previously been employed by the team as a backroom employee but after a stint with the Denver Nuggets, the Raptors brought him back to be their general manager and now president. His steady hand and clever signings and trades have made the Raptors....well....we will get to that soon. Basketball has become a city-wide phenomenon in a traditional hockey town and most of that is due to Ujiri, his youth outreach, involvement with the community, and basketball acumen. Suffice it to say, that without Ujiri, 2019 doesn't happen for the purple dinos.

9. The Toronto Maple Leafs hire Brendan Shanahan (2014) It was almost as if MLSE had an epiphany in 2014 and realized that losing really does suck so let's bring on the experts to run the joint. Hall of Famer Shanahan finally returned home to run a miserable Leafs team that was going nowhere under Brian Burke. He had a plan, a Shanaplan, to lift the Buds out of obscurity and return them to prominence. He re-engaged with the fans, the alumni, and the city. He finally retired the appropriate sweaters and brought back the history. He spoke straight to the fans when he promised pain before glory and the city has, for the most part, bought into it. No Cups yet but a little luck of the Irish didn't hurt him when he won the draft lottery and was able to select...

8. The Toronto Maple Leafs select Auston Matthews (2016) In the history of the draft, the Leafs had only one other first overall pick, Wendell Clark. The ability to select a powerful centre and goal-scoring savant has accelerated the Shanaplan by several years. The Leafs made the playoffs in Matthews' rookie season and the city went wild. He isn't there yet, but the man can flat out play and his presence, along with those of the flying kids Mitchell Marner, William Nylander, and goalie Frederic Andersen have made the Leafs contenders. Their defence is still suspect and they take too many periods off, but these kids can play. It also didn't hurt that the growth of the younguns led to...

7. The Toronto Maple Leafs sign free agent John Tavares (2018) It is very rare that a player of Tavares' calibre becomes a free agent in the prime of their career. It is even rarer that a Toronto boy wants to come home and play for the Leafs, so when Tavares signed in the summer of 2018, the city was incredulous. In his first season for the Blue and White, he scored 47 goals and became the stabilizing force in the dressing room they needed. It wasn't a surprise when he was named team captain this fall. It would be delirium and bedlam in the city if Tavares ever gets to hoist Lord Stanley wearing the Leaf on his chest.

6. The Toronto FC wins the MLS Championship (2017) I am not much of a soccer fan but I am gradually learning the game. The fanbase in our city is robust and devoted. Thousands show up for every game at BMO field and they went absolutely apeshit when they won the championship. The Toronto Argos won two Grey Cups in this decade and could only wish they had half of the people show up to their games as does FC.

5. The Toronto Blue Jays trade for Josh Donaldson (2014) This was a good old-fashioned baseball trade. The Jays traded Brett Lawrie, Kendall Graveman, Sean Nolin, and Franklin Barreto to the Oakland A's for the power-hitting third baseman. Donaldson slotted seamlessly into the number two spot in the lineup, ahead of Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion and created magic. He promised the rain and he brought it. The Jays added a few more pieces at mid-season that propelled them to the AL East title (Troy Tulowitzki, anyone?) but it was the acquisition of Donaldson that was the catalyst. His 2015 season won him the league MVP and his four years in Toronto are amongst the best in team history.

4. Bianca Andreescu wins the United States Open (2019) Ok, technically she is from Thornhill via Mississagua but we will claim her anyway. The nineteen-year-old phenom has had a year to remember. She not only beat the legendary Serena Williams to claim her first grand slam title but she also won two other important titles this year, including the Canadian Open. She is the first Canadian to win her home country tournament in fifty years. She has risen to number four in the rankings, the highest ever for a Canadian tennis player of either sex and she just won the Lou Marsh Trophy (Canadian athlete of the year) unanimously. Not bad for a girl not yet out of her teens.

3. The Toronto Raptors trade for Kawhi Leonard (2018) This trade was franchise-defining. Not only did the Raptors not know if the Kawhi they were trading for was fully healthy but they traded the face of their team, DeMar DeRozen, to get him. They also knew that they were probably getting a "one and done" season out of their newly acquired superstar but took the risk and hoped for a big payoff. Masai Ujiri had balls of steel to make that trade and it was the biggest deal of the decade for any Toronto sports franchise.

2. This (2015)



I went back and forth for an hour trying to decide between this iconic moment and number one but what clinched it for me was that this led to the Jays moving on to the ALCS and they ultimately lost that series to Kansas City. That said, you have to remember what happened just before Bautista hit this bomb. There was that weird-ass play in the top of the inning where Russell Martin messed up. With two outs in the seventh inning and the game tied at 2, Rangers second baseman Rougned Odor led off third. Texas right fielder Shin-Soo Choo, a left-handed hitter, faced Toronto reliever, Aaron Sanchez. Choo took a 1-2 fastball for a ball and, as baseball’s new speed-up-the-game rules mandate, stayed in the batter’s box. Harmless stuff. Choo did, however, tilt his bat and his hands back over the plate just as Martin lobbed the ball back to Sanchez. Martin’s toss hit Choo’s bat. It squirted toward third base. Odor came home with the go-ahead run. The game was delayed for twenty minutes while the umpires tried to sort out the mess. The Dome went nuts when Odor was awarded home, so Bautista's 3-run shot was clutch and has to be framed in the context of the mess that happened before. It would have been my number one until this happened.

1. This (2019)



This was the most unbelievable shot I have ever seen. That it was game seven in the second round and wasn't even what won them their championship, speaks volumes as to how important it was. Murals are still up around the city depicting it. The Raptors winning the first major sports championship in Toronto in twenty-six years was the icing on a delicious sporting decade. The city came out by the millions to fete their heroes. (I know. I was in the middle of the parade throng.)  There were few hard feelings when Kawhi bolted back to L.A. to play for his hometown Clippers. He did as promised. He made our city feel whole again for a brief moment in time.

This photo will go down in Toronto sporting lore for all time. This is how we show our love up north. (Photo by Frank Gunn of Associated Press)

Happy new sporting decade, Toronto. Let's hope it's even half as exciting as the last one.

Drive Carefully. You Might Be Saving My Life.

I nearly became a statistic on Toronto roads today.

It isn't the first time that I've almost been eviscerated by a car while following all of the rules as a pedestrian and I'm certain that it won't be the last, but I am so tired of feeling like walking chum to the swirling sharks of combustion engines, I thought that maybe if I vented my spleen, it might help those of you who drive on a daily basis better understand those of us who walk or cycle.

It was a miserable day in the city today. The weather was just brutal and depending on where you were, you were subjected to either torrential rains, a mixture of wet flurries, or full on white stuff falling from the sky in an ugly prelude to winter. I loathe this kind of weather but I was happily babysitting today and as such, needed to use public transit in order to make my way north. The final part of the journey involves a one-kilometre walk from the subway station to Younger Son's and His B'shert's home. I noted on my walk, in the miserable rain, that there was construction happening directly in front of Fairview Mall on Sheppard Avenue going westbound. There was a police officer stationed in front of the mall trying to divert traffic around the mess but cars were backed up all the way east to Victoria Park. The detour added a few minutes to my walk that felt like hours because of the weather. I hoped that perhaps the increased traffic would be gone before I made my return trip.

I was so very wrong.

As I left this afternoon, the cars were piled up three lanes deep and barely moving. The weather had gotten even worse throughout the day, adding whipping winds to the mixture from hell. I knew that I had to cross Sheppard in order to complete the construction-induced detour, so at the off-ramp from the DVP, I pressed the button to make the crossing.

Here's where things got dicey.

Drivers were in no mood to play nice. Cars exiting the Don Valley were immediately funneled into the line of three lanes being squeezed into two. Cars heading west on Sheppard had already endured many more minutes than they should have in a jam and were piling into the intersection with no cares about blocking both the DVP cars and those trying to make left-hand turns from the adjacent street. When the light turned green for me to cross, it was like playing real-life Frogger. As I started to move, two drivers decided to block me out, one tapping me on the leg with his bumper and another angrily flipping me the bird as I tried desperately to make it to the south side of the street. Technically, I got hit by a car today. Yes, I am fine and no I have no injuries other than a damaged psyche.

I want it understood that I crossed at a properly marked crosswalk, on a green/walk signal, and the countdown on the signal hadn't yet begun. I wasn't on my phone, I didn't have earphones in, I could see everything in all directions, and I wasn't even carrying an umbrella that could have impeded my vision.

THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!! 

This incident was the fault of drivers who were aggravated, anxious, probably late, and miserable because of the weather.

And therein lies my lesson.

I hear from drivers all the time about stupid pedestrians and selfish bikers. Some of the time, those descriptions are true. But the fact still remains that the person operating the two-tonne vehicle is usually the problem and almost always at fault. There is a selfish mentality of righteous ownership that comes over drivers about the roads. We who drive, often forget that we must share the public space with those who don't have the same kind of power. Cars are big and dynamic and in the wrong hands, they can be weapons. Thirty-four pedestrians and five cyclists have been killed on Toronto roads already this year. It is the highest total since 2007. We are all getting impatient and forgetting that the person who walks is totally exposed to every danger that the driver is but without the security of airbags and rollbars.

I am exhausted from my myriad of near-misses. I have almost been hit by drivers who speed through already red lights, stop signs, jump ahead for right turns on reds and directly into pedestrian traffic. I have had close calls with drivers blowing past open streetcar doors as I've exited and with drivers making illegal u-turns into oncoming traffic. This is the short list.

Here's my Shabbat wish. Take care on the roads this weekend. If you are a driver, watch out for the bikes and pedestrians. If you are a cyclist or walker, follow the rules set out for you. We all count no matter how we traverse this city.

What I Want in My Mayor.

I had a conversation the other day with my hairstylist. This jabbering is something women tend to do with the people charged with the sacred duty of cutting our hair. I think that maybe we converse like this in order to distract us from the fact that the person holding the scissors standing behind us has the potential and ability to make us look like Pee Wee Herman. So we civilly engage in these banalities in order to avoid such a fate.

On this day we discussed the upcoming municipal elections. Since I still travel up into the suburbs for my haircuts, (I know it is ridiculous but the woman has been cutting my hair since before Younger Son was born) I was a bit surprised to realize how little she understood about the mess that was made of the Toronto civic vote by our vindictive and arrogant new premier. I get that she doesn't live in Toronto and will cast her ballot in a city north of us but she really didn't understand the subtleties of Premier DoFo's meddling in an already in process election and the chaos that this has caused to our rights as citizens to a free and informed vote. While we can argue the merits of reducing the number of councillors in the city, the craziness of doing this three months before the vote when it had been informed, studied, and approved three years ago was political malpractice. There was absolutely no disguising the motives of the premier and while he did win the legality argument in court, the resulting chaos and disengagement of Toronto voters have been palpable. Many council candidates and voters have been confused as to which riding they are a part of or where they are now running. Several incumbents have found themselves running against council colleagues and there have been no debates that have featured the two front-running mayoral candidates one on one. Our incumbent and uninspiring mayor has ridden the wave of apathy towards what looks like a landslide victory tomorrow. The whole mess has me thinking what I want in a mayor for this wonderful but still stagnating city. I will preface these comments with the fact that both of the front-runners are decent, educated, and kind people who I believe only have the good of the city at heart. For one of the only times in my recent voting history, the choice between the two candidates at the head of the pack doesn't involve a scum-sucking corrupt hack who is only interested in his/her own power that comes complete with the demonization of minorities, the disadvantaged, or the raiding of the municipal coffers.

And so...with that in mind.... 

I want a mayor who will stand strong for the city in the face of a meddling provincial government and a premier who wants to use the city as his personal Lego set. I want to see some passion when the mayor confronts DoFo and not total capitulation. When the premier comes for our subways, and make no mistake that is most definitely coming, will the mayor publicly defend this city and tell him to back off or will he/she call for some bullshit referendum?  The mayor of Toronto needs to lead this city in defiance and in a crusade against the damage that Queen's Park is already causing.

I want a mayor who relies on evidence-based and economically sound principals when planning for the city. I don't want back-of-the-napkin transit solutions dishonestly sold to the electorate because there are votes to be had in Scarborough or North York. We are all one city and the integration of transit must be done with all stakeholders in mind. 

I want a mayor who takes the Vision Zero strategy seriously and not in stages. It has been two years since council adopted it and so far this year, there have been more than 50 cycling or pedestrian deaths on Toronto roads. 2018 is on pace to be the deadliest ever. As a driver, transit user, and pedestrian, I have been in more dangerous situations this year than I can count. I want a mayor who understands that creating safe cycling, walking, and transit opportunities is the key to Vision Zero and that even one death on our roads is abhorrent. Worrying about an extra minute for drivers' travelling times is regressive. This city needs a transportation visionary.

I want a mayor who is progressive and sees the city's long game. I think that trying to find a compromise in many issues is commendable but often short-sighted. The east end of the Gardiner should be torn down in order to release the potential of the waterfront. Spending an extra billion dollars to maintain it in order to save drivers 3 minutes in travel time is regressive. Cities all over the world are removing elevated highways while Toronto is trying to save this crumbling and ugly piece of 1940's infrastructure. The Yonge corridor north of the 401 should be reduced to two lanes in each direction in order to create a walkable plaza in downtown North York. This plan has been championed by city planners and transit experts alike. The community wants it. I want a mayor who recognizes that cars are not king.

I want a mayor who will commit to and fight for our most vulnerable. I want funding restored for the safe injection clinics that are on the frontlines of the opioid crisis. I want funding restored for shelters for abused women and children. I want a mayor who recognizes that there are not nearly enough cold-weather shelters for those on the streets and doesn't need to be cajoled and embarrassed into opening up the armories when the temperature drops. I want a cohesive and immediate plan that sees the unlocking of city land to be used for affordable housing and not merely for the profit of greedy developers. 

I want a mayor who will champion programs for at-risk youth and commit to finding the funds. It is a fundamental step to helping curb the gun violence on our streets.

I want a mayor who will invest in green initiatives including demanding proper stormwater management and the greening of rooftops in all new condo buildings. 

I want a mayor who understands that all of this cannot be achieved without new sources of revenue and who sees property taxes as the communal fund that works for the betterment of this city and all of its citizens.

These are just a few of the things that I will be thinking about when I cast my ballot tomorrow.  Toronto deserves it all and not just a nice, decent guy.

A Happy Place Shared

Where is your happy place?

I have lately come to the conclusion that not only do we all need a happy place these days but that having such a space where one can escape the traumas and miseries of day to day life is a moral imperative. 

For some, it is the kitchen. My mom tends to retreat to baking and cooking when she is stressed. For others, it is the banality of television. Others find solace in books or in the warmth of a silly romantic comedy. Last night, most in Toronto dove deeply into our communal love of sports and our time-honoured tradition of consoling our losing selves in order to escape the horrors of this past week.

Me?

While I love all of those stated above, my true happy place is in the audience of a darkened theatre witnessing the magic of the musical. I can't always adequately express how a Broadway musical, even a mediocre one, makes me feel. There is a synergy that develops between me and the performers on that stage. I live and die by every motion of the choreography. I visibly tense in my seat as they hit the highest of notes, praying right along with them, that tonight won't be the night the voice might crack. I sweat right along with them as I marvel at the creative genius that brought 1940s Paris or 1980s London or 1770s New York into my 21st-century Canadian psyche. This is me in a musical theatre and to his credit, The Husband has not only indulged this very expensive passion, he has accompanied me to every single performance and has become an aficionado as well. So, when I suggested last minute tickets to see the soon to be leaving An American in Paris now playing here in Toronto, he was an enthusiastic yes. (I do adore this man!)

We invited Twin Son and His Better Half to join us for the evening. It was a celebration for him and we wanted to do something special to mark the occasion of his entering into a new decade. Because of the lateness in purchasing the tickets, we had to separate into different sections of the theatre. The Husband and I were in the centre orchestra and our friends further back. We got to our seats quite close to the curtain call and as a result, I really didn't have time to peruse my program, as is my usual custom. There was also a lot of buzz in the theatre about game scores and the like that further distracted me from noticing my surroundings. 

The first act of the show was breathtaking. For anybody familiar with the movie, there are subtle changes to both the song list and the structure of the story that translates beautifully to the stage. The sets and lighting are a visual masterpiece and the choreography would make Gene Kelly plotz. I was so entranced that I forgot about the playoff games happening in another world. As we rose in our seats at intermission to go meet our friends, I excused myself to the woman sitting beside me and happened to notice that she was alone at the theatre. She was absorbed in reading her program so I didn't engage with her other than to ask her pardon so that we might pass.

We returned to our seats for the second act in time to hear the Entr'acte. My seat companion was still reading and didn't pay much attention to us at all. The curtain rose and the players on stage were already into their dialogue when the lady beside me suddenly leaned over, tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "That's my son."

Stunned, I asked her which young man on stage was hers. 

She replied with tears of pride filling her eyes, "The one playing Adam, the piano player."

I was dumbfounded. "He's amazing", I whispered back. "You should be very proud." (He really was amazing. This wasn't just polite chitchat. I take my musical theatre very seriously and I am an extremely tough, some would say difficult, audience.)

She just smiled with a radiance that only a parent can understand and then she totally blew me away when she pointed again and said with equal pride and joy, "And that's my daughter-in-law." Her daughter-in-law was at that moment dancing and singing up a storm in the role of Milo, the Nina Foch role in the movie.

I quickly turned to my program to discover that Adam and Milo are indeed spouses off-stage. How could I have missed that? Damn you, Maple Leafs! The entire viewing of this show suddenly took on a different lens. I wasn't just watching a magnificent performance onstage, I was seeing it through the eyes of a thrilled parent who had obviously been through so much with her children. I saw her gasp with delight, applaud wildly after their solos, shed more than a few tears, and was the first person to leap to her feet when they came out for their bows. I have been in the audience as my kids performed in amateur productions and know very well the knots of anxiety and the intense emotions. This woman must have had that experience tenfold.

As the lights in the theatre came up, I asked her if this was her first time seeing the show. She laughed and said no, of course not. She saw them several times on Broadway (I can't even imagine!!) and has since followed the travelling company to several cities. She told me that her son is the youngest of four boys and that they lost his father when he was just thirteen. She made him a promise then that if he ever made it as an actor, she would be in the centre of the theatre for all of his shows. She said that it is the greatest joy in her life to travel from city to city and watch him and his wife perform. I asked her if she would please tell them that her seatmates absolutely loved the show and that we were entranced by their performances. She just smiled, shook my hand, thanked me, and headed off to meet her children.

We here in Toronto have had a difficult week. There has been more than a few tears shed in light of the tragedy that befell the city this week. There isn't a person here who doesn't require some measure of healing. I knew that going to the theatre would be a salve on my battered soul. That's what happy places are supposed to do. Having this special seatmate share it with me, well...it just elevated it to another level. 

Yes...there is still joy in this place.

Ready For My Close-Up Mr. DeMille

I haven't written for awhile mostly because I have been fully and completely blocked. You, my single digits of readers, have certainly not needed me to comment on how massive the shitstorm is this fall. There are indeed crappy things going on in the world, but far better pundits than I have been far more eloquent in opining on such matters, so I have digitally kept to myself.

Until yesterday, that is.

Yesterday, my online presence ran smack dab into my real life world and it's all because of a pilot project that Toronto City Council decided to initiate right outside of my living room window.

Ready for my close up Mr. DeMille.

A bit of history and a quick primer on Toronto transit politics is in order to fully understand why a  tsunami of press people (ok. Only 4 so far.)  have filled my inbox since early Sunday morning.

King Street is a major east/west artery that runs through Downtown Toronto. The busiest three-kilometre stretch of King is home to the financial district, the entertainment district, restaurants, clubs, bars, banks, theatres, and thousands of condos. The public transportation for most commuters is the streetcar run by our transit commision the TTC. According to the TTC's own figures, upwards of 65,000 commuters use the King streetcar every day, making it the busiest transit route in the city. The TTC contrasts that with the approximately 20,000 drivers who traverse the same corridor daily. The numbers and the fact that streetcars are stationary vehicles that must remain on their tracks, often translate to traffic gridlock across King even at the best of daily travel times. Anecdotally speaking as one who uses this mode of public transport on a regular basis, it isn't unusual for this trip of three kilometres to take close to a half hour to forty-five minutes at rush hour. Most of these delays are caused by streetcars, who are carrying over one hundred passengers, having to wait for single passenger cars to turn left at various intersections. The city and the TTC realized long ago that transit on King was broken and needed to be fixed.

In the Rob Ford era of a few years ago, the "war on car" faction in the city desperately wanted to get rid of the streetcars. They viewed these people movers as anachronisms and the source of all their traffic ills that won't let them Fast and Furious their way across King Street. Financial considerations and a sane person in the mayor's office has at the very least demanded study of the route.

So, that is what Toronto City Council and the TTC initiated yesterday. Dubbed the King Street Pilot Project, the goal is to study the effects of traffic curbing measures on that very same three-kilometre stretch. The idea is that from Bathurst east through Jarvis, all cars MUST make right-hand turns at the next intersection and they CANNOT go through.

There are clearly marked and designated yellow streetcar lanes at each intersection that drivers are not permitted to use. There are also clearly marked new right-hand turn lanes at each intersection as well as signage and new right-hand turn signals at each block. A driver might miss it the first time out of habit, but only willful ignorance and arrogance or piss poor driving would cause a driver to miss all of the markers. Taxis must also adhere to the new traffic laws, but they are exempt between the hours of 10pm and 5am. Police and transit authorities will be out in force for the first week of the project in an attempt to educate drivers and by the second week they will be handing out tickets and demerit points. It's $110 and 2 points if you don't follow the law.

Drivers are understandably upset. They often feel as though their commutes should take precedence over those lowly pedestrians, cyclists, and transit users. They are not happy about being diverted to streets north and south of King and many are vociferously trying to make their case to council about the possibility of simply circling for hours in the downtown core. They may have a case, but as with all things requiring study, we simply won't know until the pilot project is completed a year from now.

Which finally brings me to our Andy Warhol moment. We live at the corner of one of the intersections of the project and it just so happens that we have a bird's eye perspective of King Street from our living room. Knowing that the project was beginning yesterday, The Husband and I decided to spend a bit of time watching the new traffic patterns. Remember. It was Sunday morning and a fairly light traffic time for the downtown core. There were transit officials and Toronto Police Service personnel at the intersection as promised. What we saw were hundreds of cars flouting the new laws. Some were obviously oblivious to the new norm. Others were wilfull in their disobedience. Many were driving dangerously and many more were just plain angry. We saw one officer almost plowed over and just throw his hands up in disgust. Most cabs were in "fuck you" mode and pedestrians were caught up in a game of Frogger as they attempted to cross with their legs and arms still intact. It was mayhem.

So what would you do if you witnessed such a thing? Why start tweeting of course. I began snapping pictures of cars, cops, and people trying to make sense of the new project. You can follow along here but here are a few samples.

The best and the worst of social media started barraging my mentions. People thanked me for helping educate the public. Others told me I was stupid and had no idea what it was like to drive in the city. One genius decided to show off his masterful intelligence by quoting Henry David Thoreau at me about the art of civil disobedience. Just to be clear. I am not an advocate for nor a dissenter against this project. I was simply reporting what I was seeing. Unlike many, I am willing to give the project a chance and see how it develops.

Well...I suppose my tweets caught the attention of CBC News and one of their reporters direct messaged me asking if she could speak with us and come over to see what we were seeing. After a brief phone conversation, she and her cameraman made their way up to our place and we chatted for about a half an hour. The story led last night's local newscast. You can watch it here or read it here if your day is really boring.

I wish I could tell you that our fifteen minutes of fame is over, but it isn't. Given that today is a work day, the press and the social media trolls are working overtime. I have been quoted and featured in BlogTO this morning and The Husband is going down to do another interview this afternoon with GlobalTV. I am begging off of this one. Frankly, I am exhausted from the frenzy. 😂

People have been asking me what my opinion is on this new project. As a driver, pedestrian, and transit user I am willing to give it a try. Let's give it a shot and see what happens. King Street is a broken transit hub and I give credit to planners and politicians for at least trying to repair it. The project may very well fall flat on its ass, but we won't know that until the data comes back. That's the thing about science. It is rarely just anecdotal. Where I hope our media star-turn will help is in the education of the bastards who are so obviously flouting the law in the name of "civil disobedience." (I'm looking at you Toronto taxi drivers.) Let's at least be honest. Civil disobedience can really only be a thing when one group is being oppressed by another. Are you really going to whine about drivers being oppressed by right-hand turns? Talk about exercising one's privilege. Your "civil disobedience" might actually get some innocent person injured or killed. Is your "right" to drive through unimpeded on King really worth that hell? Follow the law until it isn't the law any longer.

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about how this mess will make his drive into the city, which he deems already a nightmare, even worse. He is probably right, but he is exactly the problem that the city is trying to address. It is better and more efficient to move a hundred people at a time at the inconvenience of one. In order for Toronto to flourish and grow as a cosmopolitan centre, we need to become more reliant on other forms of transportation and yes, that will come at the expenses of the lone driver. We need to get people out of their cars and move them in a different manner. My career as a traffic reporter for the city is thankfully and rapidly drawing to a close, but I hope that this little episode will at the very least, make somebody think twice about arrogantly and wilfully flouting traffic calming measures that are there for the collective good. We are all in this together, Toronto.

An Authentic Summer Moment...Gas and all.

I ate a hot dog yesterday. From a street vendor.

There is much about that collection of words that is unusual.

I really don't like hot dogs. Never have. Not even as a kid. Not even at a picnic, barbecue, or a ball game.  There is something extraordinarily distasteful to me about a casing stuffed with unknown innards roasting on a ubiquitous street cart that passes for an outdoor restaurant. And honestly, veggie hot dogs kind of define everything that is wrong with trying to turn meat dishes into vegan fare. They are tasteless, chewy, spongy, and filled with so much sodium as to mask and substitute for what they are lacking. I have often joked that I would be much happier with just a toasted hot dog bun off the cart filled with all the toppings. I really love hot dog toppings.

Hot dogs are also not what anyone would call easy on my digestive tract. Without getting into ugly descriptors of stomach ailments, if I am going to suffer the after effects, I'd rather suffer them for junk food I truly enjoy like ice cream, chocolate, or greasy french fries. Hot dogs are frankly a waste of a good calorie-binge.

So the question becomes, why did I choose to indulge in a street dog yesterday?

The Husband and I have been making a concerted effort to get to know our still-sort of-newish neighbourhood this summer. Since we moved late last August and then left for The Southern Home only a few months later, we really didn't get as much of a chance as we would have liked to explore and experience all that our new urban digs had to offer. So this summer, we have searched out the festivals, the neighbourhood farmer's markets, the walking trails, the street art, and the natural vibrancy of downtown Toronto. (When people tell me that they have never been to Toronto and want to visit, I always joke and tell them to come in the summer. Not that winter doesn't have its charms, although I personally struggle to find them, but Toronto in the summer is a fantastic place.)

None of this explains why I ate a hot dog.

Yesterday, we decided to walk over to the City Hall Art Show. This outdoor exhibition is an annual favourite of ours. We spent several hours meandering through the assortment of booths, stopping on occasion to chat with the artists and just enjoying Shabbat amidst soaking humidity and soaring temperatures. That's another thing about Toronto in the summer. There is never a perfect weather day. As we made our way back towards home, both of us noted that we were hungry. We were hoping to check out some of the new food trucks at City Hall, but as fate (or city council) would have it, there were only chip and ice cream trucks. As we approached Queen and Spadina, The Husband finally stumbled upon a street meat vendor and the die was cast. Summer in the city. Feel and taste the experience. I could feel the indigestion burbling as he grilled the thing. Tell me something, as an aside. Why does it take longer to grill a veggie dog than it does a regular dog? Is there some pretence working here that if the vendor spends longer on cooking non-meat, it might seem and taste like real meat? Are we worried more about ptomaine or e-Coli in a veggie dog than in a standard dog?

As the vendor worked at his craft, I was far more interested in the street musicians playing on the corner. These guys weren't just jamming for nickels and dimes, they were fricking amazing. Billed as The Big Smoke Brass Band, they are a collection of five wondrously talented guys who have been moving from intersection to intersection this summer in order to get heard. And heard they were. The people at Queen and Spadina literally stopped in their tracks to listen. (This video isn't mine, but you can at least get a feel for their sound. I found trying to record while holding onto a hot dog a first-world social media challenge.)


I was almost disappointed when the hot dog was ready. We stayed a bit longer to listen and then we were off on our wild new journey towards dyspepsia.

So, yes....I ate a hot dog yesterday and yes.....I am paying a huge price for it today. But I figure it was worth it. It was a small price to pay for a truly authentic Toronto summer moment. If we hadn't stopped for the hot dog, I wouldn't have been blessed with the talent of these young men. It almost makes up for my seriously messed up digestive tract.

Check out Big Smoke Brass on social media. They often list where they will be playing next. 

Another Vignette of Tikkun Olam

Another quick and really nice story from the streets of urban Toronto.

I know, I know. 

I am in danger of losing my official membership card to the "Curmudgeonly Gadfly" club, but my psyche has been in desperate need of good news stories. Trust me. When baseball is no longer an escape but instead it has a compounding effect on my acid-reflux, you know that I am on a precarious perch. So when I see deeds of loving kindness up close and personal, I feel an overwhelming need to share.

Yesterday, The Husband and I had an appointment in the east end of the city that required a ride on the Queen streetcar. While waiting at the stop, we noticed a gentleman who had obviously spent the frigid night before sleeping in the bus shelter. He was amiably chatting with some other familiar locals and just trying to keep the crisp April morning air at bay.

While we continued to wait, I noticed that the Tim Horton's directly behind us was doing its usual brisk early morning business. Easter Monday is a school holiday here so the place was filled with young families as well as young urbanites who were languidly enjoying the slower pace of the day. Just before our streetcar arrived, two young women exited the shop with several orders of coffee. They approached the gentleman and explained that they had been given a free coffee and were wondering if he would like to have it. He very politely declined their offer and thanked them for their thoughtfulness but he explained that he really didn't care for coffee. However, if they were willing, he would really love to have a chocolate donut. He hoped that they weren't offended by his request. Quite the contrary, they told him that it was not a problem at all and they would be more than happy to get him his treat. They then proceeded back into Timmie's to purchase it.

After seeing so much incivility in the news lately and being constantly led by world and business leaders to believe that being an asshole gets one further in this world, these small and random acts of kindness that I have witnessed lately are helping to fuel my yetzer ha-tov, my better inclination. It certainly doesn't mean that I have lost my cynicism or that I am going to start farting rainbows and unicorns but these episodes do serve to remind me that so many people are inherently decent.

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha-Olam
She-natan lanu hizdamnut l'takein et ha-olam

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of the universe, for giving us the opportunity to mend the world. 

**With thanks to Dan Nichols and Rabbi Ron Klotz

A Small Act of Tikkun Olam

How about a quick but really nice story?

I spent a great deal of my morning today running pre-Pesach errands up and down Bathurst Street in torrential rains. I swear that I saw raccoons and squirrels marching two by two in midtown in search of an ark, that's how bad the weather was. Drivers were in no mood to slow down and believe me, I saw more than one poor pedestrian get soaked by discourteous cars and buses. It was an all-around icky early morning.

And then I witnessed the best of this city.

As I approached Bathurst and St. Clair, I saw a cab (yes a cab!) pull over to the side of the road in order to disembark its passenger. Drivers, angry at the lane blockage, honked and gesticulated in nasty ways. The cabbie ignored it all and adamantly refused to allow his senior-citizen female passenger to open her own door. Instead, he got out of his driver's seat in the teeming rain, ran around to the curbside, opened the back passenger-side door for the woman, and walked her to her destination with an umbrella. It was a small but very distinct act of goodwill and kindness.

There are so much misery and nastiness these days that sometimes I forget that so many are just decent people at heart. We often forget that we are all responsible for each other and at times a little reminder of how acts of love and kindness can truly repair the world is really in order.

This morning, in the rains and windswept streets of Toronto, I witnessed a small gesture of Tikkun Olam, the reparation of the world. I won't soon forget it.

Debate or Schoolyard Brawl?

I tuned in to watch a debate last evening and instead I witnessed a schoolyard brawl.

The first of what I imagine will be an endless stream of Toronto mayoral confabs to take place between now and October, aired yesterday afternoon on CityTV and we the citizenry of the GTA came away poorer for the experience.

I can't imagine what the braintrust at CITY were thinking when they developed this ridiculous format. Basically, here's what happened. Moderator (and I use that term loosely) Gord Martineau introduced a topic of interest, let's say transit. Each candidate was given a short period of time to make a statement elucidating their position. When all five were done, a cowbell rang and the free-for-all began. (At one point the useless Martineau even hollered the word "Go" as if this were a WWF match.) Everybody screamed talking points and slogans over the other with neither the debaters nor the audience able to discern who was saying what and when. He who screamed loudest usually came out on top in the scrum, and that person was invariably the bully of an incumbent. Rob Ford was allowed to spew his invectives and endless streams of mendacities that rarely went unchallenged by the others simply because the rest were so intent on trying to get their positions out into the ether. Even the media questions were easily lobbed softballs that permitted the mayor to belch his half a dozen previously rehearsed talking points and did not allow for follow-up questions by the reporters. Ford was grinning and puffing in mock triumph by the end knowing that very little damage was inflicted on him by his challengers, and the people of Toronto were left wondering is there a real candidate that can take on this straw man of a mayor.

I have a bit of knowledge in the art of debate. It is one of the many skills taught to me in synagogue youth group, and I am grateful for the experience. A debate is supposed to be an even-tempered, yet truthful exchange of differing opinions backed up by incontrovertible facts. Each participant is permitted a period of time to present their arguments, followed by uninterrupted periods of rebuttal by their opponents. Questions from the floor should be permitted follow-ups and challenges especially when lies are dispensed, and moderators should live up to their titles and step in when the discussions get out of control. A debate should never be a rugby scrum whereby everybody piles on all at once, and the winner is determined by who emerges from the bottom still breathing.

I have stated on many occasions that because I live one kilometre outside of the city of Toronto, I do not have a vote in the upcoming election. But that doesn't mean it doesn't affect or impact me as a concerned citizen of the GTA. My initial feeling very early on in this marathon of a campaign is that I am of an "ABF" mind....Anyone but Ford. I was hoping to hear something...anything....from last evening's debate to help me in my quest for a candidate. Instead, all I got was a lot of nothing from the challengers, more Ford headlines, and one less opportunity for the media to show this mayor for the fraud and failure he is. It is the first time in months that I actually thought that Ford could win reelection.

The only good news is that it is still very early in the campaign. But the debate coordinators better get their shit together so that this debacle isn't repeated. The bar set for election to the highest office in the city should be much higher than was on display last evening. The citizens of Toronto deserve better from all involved.

My Hump Day Civics Lesson

It has been quite a while since I took a high school civics class, so given the fact that my Wednesday was relatively clear of professional duties, I decided to spend much of the day watching the international debacle that is the Mayor of Toronto and the circus act that doubles as a city council meeting. Here are a few things that I learned about municipal political engagement in the City Below Vaughan.

1. Municipal politics is simply the transference of playground disputes to a rotunda. The geeky kid with the glasses is still being intimidated by the school bully, only now he can publicly call him out on his behaviour. Councillor Denzil Minnan-Wong's concern that Mayor Ford was going to deck him on the floor of council certainly appeared well-founded when the corpulently imposing chief magistrate physically blocked the path of the much smaller councillor from Don Valley East. It brought back images of my own school days when the big guys used to force us  puny kids to take alternate routes to our lockers so as to avoid ending up inside said cubicle. 
2. Councillor Jaye Robinson got the fun going by introducing a petition that was signed by 30 of 44 council members. They rose at their seats one by one as she called out their names. It was a powerful moment that clearly displayed in few words how truly embarrassed and angry these elected officials are by the extra-curricular activities in which hizzoner has engaged. The glares and animus coming from the Fords was obvious and telling. 
3. I've always thought that synagogue Annual General Meetings were amongst the most uncivilized gatherings that I have ever had the displeasure to witness, but they have nothing on a Toronto City Council Meeting. The poor and downtrodden Speaker (who is so far out of her depth in this position) was forever reprimanding members about their lack of decorum and comity. I had a flashback to the movie ...And Justice for All starring Al Pacino. You must remember the line. "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order!"  That was poor Frances Nunziata during the proceedings. Had I been in her chair, I might have used much stronger language like arrogant, vainglorious, and pompous to describe some of these assholes that claim they are speaking for the citizens of this city.
4. Distractions are an ingrained part of any hopeful political reclamation project. Those head- fakes started on Tuesday with the peddling of the absurd Mayor Ford bobblehead dolls. (An initial selling price of $20.00 a bobble with a portion of the proceeds to aid the United Way was exponentially increased on Kijii and Ebay later in the day.) The diversions continued on the floor of council Wednesday, with Ford stooge Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti trying to disingenuously monetize the discussions about the attempted censure of his boss. It astounds me that anybody could think that this discussion of the mayor's behaviour was offside and that the members of council should not be afforded this opportunity to express their extreme anger and frustration at this poor excuse for a leader. As an aside, I think that Mammoliti is a toad who will never amount to anything more than a sidekick. He continually heckled every councillor who didn't agree with his position and he was the object of the Speaker's scorn on multiple occasions. If I had to pick a particularly low moment for the councillor, (and there were many) it might have been when he hurled accusations at Councillor Gord Perks (a left-winger who was doing his level best to save council from itself with a motion to refer the whole matter to the Integrity Commissioner) about his being high on marijuana during the meeting and his insistence that every member of council be immediately drug and alcohol tested. His conduct was deplorable. The punchline? Mammoliti actually supported the failed Perks motion. As I said...a toad.
5. Politicians certainly know how to parse a phrase. The council chamber erupted in laughter when Mayor Ford responded to Councillor Del Grande about his drunken episode at the Air Canada Centre saying that he "promised it would never happen again and it has never happened  again....at the Air Canada Centre." What a maroon.
6. And then there was the jaw dropping moment of the day when the mayor admitted on the council floor that he had purchased illegal drugs within the last two years while he was mayor. And yet....there is still no real recourse to remove this boob from office.
7. Councillor Doug Ford is becoming a hinderance to the mayor and his public efforts at rehab. His attempt to bait the members of council into admitting their own drug use and then his live appearance on CNN at noon trying to justify his brother's behaviour were quite simply embarrassing. 
8. Some of my favourite moments of the meeting? Mayor Ford asking Councillor Michael Thompson if he had ever visited the supposed crack house at 15 Windsor Dr and Thompson responding "I have no interest being in that house. I’m not a crack user." Burn!!
9. I enjoyed Councillor Karen Stintz rising to face the mayor and in her best "mom voice" chastise him for forcing her into a situation whereby she had to explain what crack was to her nine year old daughter. And yet...Councillor Stintz missed the vote. She was "conveniently" outside of the chamber. That showed an appalling lack of conviction for somebody who has already declared her candidacy for mayor next year. Some advice Karen. It's time to stand for something.
10. I loved Councillor Shelly Carroll telling Toronto that pulling a "Mayor Rob Ford" has become a verb for bad behaviour.
11. And I absolutely adored Councillor Mike Del Grande turning his back to the mayor each and every time the blowhole opened his mouth. Del Grande was basically neutering the man and telling him he doesn't give a damn what he has to say.

While all of this shit was happening inside, outside there was a very well-attended rally to show the mayor the hearts and minds of the "taxpayers".....many of whom voted for him. Award to best placard goes to the ingeniously creative mind who thought up "Weasels Bobble but they Don't Step Down." 

The fine folks (a word that is a Ford favourite and one that makes my skin crawl) who are running this weekend's Santa Claus Parade have sent the mayor a letter that basically tells him to piss off and that he is now unwelcome to march. They want the focus to be on families, kids, and the guy in the red suit, and they believe that the mayor's presence will distract from that. Really?? Ya think? We'll see if the man's ego allows for this dismissal.

And...just when you thought it was safe to read the newspapers or the internet again, comes word that more of the court documents have been released and the details are getting even more sordid. Allegations of sex workers roaming around City Hall and more drunken stupors litter these reports. It seems interminable.

And just for good measure....there was a group of high school students roaming the corridors of City Hall on Wednesday. They received a civics lesson that could never be adequately taught in their classroom.

Me? I need to bathe.

The Wise Men and Women of Toronto

Have you ever heard the tales of the Wise Men of Chelm?

In the great tradition and history of Jewish humour, Chelm is a fictional town located somewhere in Eastern Europe that is said to be inhabited by fools. The tales centre around the "wise men", i.e the deep thinkers, who find and postulate ridiculous answers and solutions to the town's quandaries.

A few examples.

One morning, a young housewife of Chelm noticed that something strange had occurred in her kitchen. After she had buttered her toast, the woman accidentally dropped it on the floor and the bread landed buttered side up. Now, everybody knows that this defied the laws of physical nature. Everybody knows that when a piece of toast is dropped it always falls buttered side down. All the great thinkers of Chelm were called and asked to figure out what had happened. They studied, prayed and fasted for three days. When they finally emerged from seclusion, they had their answer. Of course! The young women had simply buttered the wrong side of the toast.

The town of Chelm had decided to build an new synagogue. They enlisted the help of some of the strongest and ablest young men in the area to go to the mountaintop and gather the largest and heaviest stones for the foundation. The young men put they stones on their shoulders and trudged down the mountain toward the new synagogue location. "Fools," cried the wise men. "You should have rolled the rocks down the hill." Faced with their own stupidity the young men did the only thing that they could. They put the heavy rocks back on their shoulders, trudged back up the mountainside, and proceeded to roll them back down the hill.

I have been regaled with Chelm stories since my earliest days at synagogue religious school. I just never could have imagined that one day I actually might reside in Chelm.

Because that is exactly what Toronto has become. Chelm.

The utter stupidity that has engulfed this city for much of the past three years has been staggering. It probably isn't necessary to rehash the obvious, but for expediency here goes. Toronto has a mayor who has finally dropped his translucent veneer of idiocy. He has been caught with his pants on fire and has been exposed as a duplicitous individual of questionable character with a probable substance abuse problem that has been exacerbated by his cavorting with gang bangers, drug dealers, and others who have been indicted on a myriad of offences. (It doesn't even serve me to provide links to all of his misdeeds. Just click on any news outlet site from anywhere in the world this morning and there is  the whole sordid mess.) He has continually denied every accusation, publicly trashed the reputations of those who rightly called him on his shit, bullied his detractors with threats and innuendo, and sicked his attack dog of a brother on anybody who got close to his secret life of drug dens and "drunken stupours." He has lied repeatedly and broken the public trust to which he was elected.

His answer to all of this? "I am sincerely, sincerely, sincerely sorry."

No explanations for the illegal activity. No acknowledgment of his substance abuse. No elucidations of the very public meetings with drug dealers. No mea culpas for his racist and homophobic rants. No justification for the smear campaigns against some very reputable journalists and fellow politicians. No expounding on the almost four hundred pages of police documents that show hizzoner under surveillance for months. No elucidation of the now iconic photograph that displays the mayor of Toronto with his arms around three men in front of a reported crack house. (One of the men has since been murdered and another has been arrested on various drug offences.) Nothing, except blah blah blah....sorry sorry sorry....can't turn back the past....must move forward.

My kids did better with apologies at the age of 6.

And yet, there are those "wise men and women" of Toronto who are still behind the mayor. They've got his back.

"He's doing a great job," they say.

"Who care's what he does in his private life? Isn't he entitled to a private life?"

"Can't you see he's apologized? Enough already." 

And then there's my personal favourite.

"Of course I'd vote for him again. He's just a regular guy trying to lowering my taxes."

Chelm bullshit!!

The mayor of the fourth largest city in North America is entitled to a private life when his actions do not directly impact his job. We aren't talking about him taking his wife and kids to the movies, here. He signed up for this life and all its scrutiny. That is part of what being the chief magistrate of Toronto is all about. Being tanked and loaded while in full public view cannot and should never be a part of any mayor's private life. We will never know if he made important decisions for Toronto while bombed and in a "drunken stupour", but the possibility is there and as citizens we should all take tremendous offense at that. Cavorting with known criminals on a daily basis is a breach of his elected office. The city of Toronto is no longer simply grappling with an image problem (although I do believe there is an element to that thinking) but rather a business problem. If the CEO of any major corporation was caught screwing around on company time, he or she would be escorted from the building post haste.

And as for his apology? Well...he's been so very honest before, we should simply take him at his word. (That was sarcasm, Chelmites!)

This mayor has been an unmitigated public disaster and it is time for him to step aside and address his demons. But in typical Chelm fashion, there is no mechanism for his removal unless he himself chooses to walk away from the job. I have no doubt that he will stubbornly stay on and continue to spout his Chelmnian mantras until next October's election, but we here in the Big Smoke should be ashamed of our enabling his ongoing nonsense and particularly of our own stupidity.

So did you hear the latest in Canadian folklore? There are these great stories of the Wise Men and Women of Toronto.....