My Facebook Diet

For the past week, I have been on a Facebook diet. Not a fast nor a total abstention, mind you. A diet.

You see, lately I have noticed a more intensive polluting of my Facebook feed. I have been dismayed by the level of mindless shares, toxic discourse, junk science, and disheartening advertisements that have grown exponentially on the site. I thought that if I could dramatically cut back on my postings and instead become an acute observer of what was developing on my homepage, I might begin to bring Facebook back to a level where I once again feel comfortable in engaging. I really wanted to become a leaner, sleeker, better informed user of the product, so I decided to conduct a little experiment.

For one week I didn't "like" anything on Facebook. Nothing. Nada. Rien. I didn't wish anybody a Happy Birthday with the exception of Younger Son which I managed by way of a photographic post. (If I missed your birthday this week, I apologize and wish you all good health and many many more!) I didn't share a single article, blog post, (mine or anybody else's) newspaper article, and with only one exception last evening, I didn't post a single status update. I did post pictures relating to my latest strange obsession, bird watching, but I limited them to one per day. I did engage in a few short conversations on those particular photos and I did visit the site often in order to observe what was happening on my feed.

Here are a few things that littered said feed this week that I pointedly avoided.

• The Grammys
• Kanye West vs Beck
• Brian Williams
• Jon Stewart
• Measles
• Anti-Vaxers
• Bibi's congressional speech
• Bibi's perhaps cancelling of his congressional speech
• Rob Ford
• John Baird
• Stephen Harper
• Barack Obama
• GMOs, Gluten, Toxins that might be invading my foods, vitamins, makeup, or beverages
• American Sniper
• Stupid or Cute Cat, Dog, or any other animal videos
• Animal rights stories
• Sun News
• 50 Shades of Grey and BDSM (Thank God!)
• The Leafs (Are they still playing?)
• Stories that were clearly anti-Islam, anti-Israel, anti-Jewish, anti-religion, anti-liberal, anti-conservative, anti-democrat, anti-republican or anti-anything.

And that is only a small sampling. There is not a single thing on this list that I feel as though I missed out on, but I did learn a great deal.

Here are a few of my observations after a week of Facebook dieting.

It is clear that there are some individuals who are all about sharing other source's content rather than creating their own. When I first started using Facebook, I was excited to have a social conversation with friends and family. I loved the reconnections. I loved the photos and the catching up. Sharing the odd article of interest is certainly part of that conversation, but many people on my feed are sharing 20 or more posts from outside sites or other users a day. A day! That level of sharing is going to dilute anything of value that you may wish to convey, because believe me, I will, and have already begun to ignore you. If you are one of these people who over-share other people's content rather than create your own, you probably have been muted in my feed.

Avoiding the "Like" button, even for a few days, has certainly led to an increase in the diversity of posts I am seeing. I know absolutely nothing about algorithms and the manner in which they function, (that's math, right?) but I do know that being more judicious in my "liking" has cleaned up some of the more distasteful ads on my feed. If I haven't "liked" your posts this week, please know that I probably really did. I will most likely go back to "liking" certain things, but I will be far more attentive as to when I press that insidious little button.

Too many of us are lazy users. If Facebook is to function properly, it requires the collective masses to have a basic working knowledge of how it works. Today, a friend posted that Miep Gies, the lady who helped Anne Frank, had passed away. The problem? She died four years ago. A closer reading of the date of the article would have cleared up the confusion, but this friend didn't take the time. It happens with old photos and statuses as well. Please take care not to "like" a photo that is older than three months. All it takes is one person and the damn thing jumps to the top of everybody's feeds.....AGAIN! Just look at the top left hand corner of the post to discern the date and be careful what you are "liking".

By thinking more carefully about my own postings, I became far more conscious about things and opinions that might have been better left unsaid by many. That was a difficult lesson for an opinionated b**** like me, but it was a very worthwhile one. Look, I am fairly open, honest, and vocal about my preferences and interests. You can read all about them right here in this space. But, I refuse to get drawn into hateful discussions with trolls who clearly revel in their anonymity on social media in order to advance an agenda. If you have expectations that you might possibly be able to bring me around to your position,  I will only engage if the conversations contain meaningful, rational, and polite debate. If you cannot follow these simple rules, you are blocked. Facebook is supposed to be fun. It has become less so.

Facebook is an amazing tool. It affords introverts like me an opportunity to interconnect while maintaining a safe environment in which we feel comfortable. But it has lost it's focus and it is up to us, the individual users to bring it back to a place of usefulness. There is much that I love about the site, but I have learned a small amount of judiciousness goes a long way.

Be wise, be wary, and be careful.

That said....I saw a black swan today. No picture, so no Facebook post, but it was just as exciting.

Facebook and Tomato Sandwiches

I invited myself to lunch yesterday with a couple of dear friends.

It started when one of the girls posted a picture on social media of her gloriously ripening backyard tomatoes and the rest just took care of itself. It seems that we all have a fondness for fresh tomato sandwiches on challah, made with just a hint of mayonnaise, basil, and some wonderful cheese. (Lactose free, of course.) My mouth is still in saliva overdrive.

I have to say that it was a wonderful diversion from the myriad of "stuff" plaguing us all. For two lovely hours, we just sat in the sun, consumed the aforementioned delicacy, and chatted. Somehow, in the middle of it all we got to talking about the ills of social media, ironically the very thing that made our lunch yesterday possible.

I have been thinking a great deal about the collective misery that we have been witness to this summer. The horrors in the Middle East, the nightmare in Ferguson, the loss of iconic celebrities, ebola, the bullshit being spewed during this Toronto municipal election campaign, and the crappy weather have all made for a rather soul-crushing season. And social media, especially Facebook, has contributed mightily to much of the ugly discourse.

Social media can be a wonderful tool, but it is just that...a tool. It cannot and should never be a substitute for critical thinking or fact checking. Source material of suspect origin has invaded our feeds and what has me concerned is just how many of us have abdicated our social responsibility to the greater good by passing on trash, rumours, innuendo, and spam. It is dangerous and difficult to undo. Author Terry Pratchett once famously wrote, “A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.” We have a duty to every single person to whom we are connected, to do our homework before carelessly posting and pushing that share button.

I loved the frivolousness of our lunch yesterday. It reminded me of the best parts of social media. Connections. We sometimes lose sight of those connections in our busyness. I am not for a minute advocating dismissing social media from our lives, (there is a genie/bottle metaphor in there somewhere) merely to temper it with a few ripening tomato photos and a stupid status update now and again. It might just lower the ulcer-inducing discourse a wee bit.

Civil Discourse

During this time of Shabbatical, I have been consciously attempting to disengage myself from what I view as a myriad of toxic online behaviour, mostly in the realm of politics. I can't say that I am always successful at this, but I am trying. I have stopped visiting sites that have as their sole purpose the smearing of one political belief or another. I refuse to engage with Facebook or Twitter "friends" in their constant barrages of ugly partisan posts, nor have I passed on or shared such content. (I will admit to keeping the pressure on in support of Women of the Wall, but I view that struggle as much a religious fight as it is political.) It is no secret that I have strong opinions on many (most?) subjects that fall into this category, and very often I have used this space to express my displeasure, incredulity, or even disgust on a myriad of issues. I have rarely shied away from a civil discourse on any subject, provided that all opinions were taken into account, and slurs, epithets, and stereotypical categorization were avoided. But lately, I have found myself placed in the potentially awkward position of actually  "unfriending" a few of my Facebook and Twitter associates because of the lack of decorum that they have displayed in the troublesome language used in their posts. Why awkward? Well, some of these people are quite close to me in the real world. So, it is to these few that I address the following.

Dear Friend,

I have recently noted that you are quite active in the social media world, and as we are virtually connected, your posts and interests have become regular fixtures in my news feeds. I am always interested in the many voices and sides to the debates of the day, but please allow me to offer you a bit of advice if you hope to engage me, and others like me who are not necessarily on your side of the political divide, into reading what you have posted. (Note: I am speaking to both liberals and conservatives here!)

1. Using words like "hypocrite", "liar", "looney", "idiotic" or "doltish" in your pre-posting comment is likely to dissuade me from reading whatever it is you have put up. Insulting me before the fact is bad behaviour that is most likely to result in your post being flushed. 
2. Using past bad liberal behaviour (and there has been a ton!) as an excuse for present bad conservative behaviour (and there has been a ton!) or vice-versa is a straw man's argument that does nothing to move along the discourse. Stay in the present or I will probably just delete what you have posted.
3. Arrogance is never a good way to sway me to your side of the fence. If you have valid arguments, make them. But, please don't act and speak to me as if you are morally superior simply because we differ.
4. Personal attacks on any of our leaders will get you absolutely nowhere with me. Calling our mayor out for his corpulence is extremely bad form, as are jokes about our premier and her sexuality. Language matters and it is time that we all took a great deal more care in how we use it.

Rabbi SaraLeya Schley teaches:

Jewish mysticism teaches us that we are all essential parts of the One Soul, each of us sent into our lives to fulfill our unique soul missions. Without each and every one of us, the Great Name, Sh’mei Raba, is incomplete. When we each speak our unique truths from a place of centeredness and integrity, our words are indeed the words of the Living God, infused with the quality of Divine inspiration. Dialogue then becomes a spiritual practice in which we see and acknowledge each other as sparks of the Divine. We consciously open our hearts wide enough to hold diverse opinions, even those which seem to be so opposite to our own that we cannot imagine resolution. In this sanctuary, mishkan, of our unified hearts, holding each other in love and respect, we create - with our sacred intention and deep listening - the possibility of shalom and reconciliation and we can birth radically new solutions, heretofore never even imagined.

Look, friend. I am not suggesting that you and I will ever see eye to eye on politics. Our individual opinions are simply too ingrained. I am however, suggesting that I could possibly understand you better and see some merit in some of your viewpoints if only you might present the articles without ugly editorializing. If you find this beyond your comfort zone, I understand. But please also understand that our online relationship will come to an end. 

Yours in friendship and Shabbat Shalom,

Dawn

The May of My September

I haven't written in this space for a while not because I lack for opinions, (perish the thought) and certainly not because there aren't a myriad of topics about which to scribble, but rather because I have become somewhat circumspect over the past month or so and as a result haven't been able to properly articulate what I am feeling. I think that I am ready and I beg your indulgence if this post gets a little misty and mushy.

During a conversation with friends a few weeks ago, we somehow got onto the topic of Facebook and what is its real purpose. One friend remarked that while he is on the site, he is patently uncomfortable with the lack of privacy and online presence that Facebook encourages. Our answer to him was easy. Delete your account. Nobody is forcing you to remain in the online world and if one's discomfort is that acute Facebook is certainly not the right place for you. And yet....he is still there. Why? Because there is something about the links that Facebook provides that is truly compelling. It is easy to dismiss the social media tool as a colossal time-waster akin to bad reality television. Certainly too many of us spend far too many hours playing inane games (guilty!!) or "over-sharing" our lives with marginal "friends", but when we delve deeper we note that Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linkedin and the like are so much more. Putting aside the obvious commercial advantages for businesses and organizations, Facebook has provided a connection for us with our pasts, our presents, and our futures. Never being much of a phone person or even a diligent letter-writer, I have enjoyed the reconnections that Facebook has allowed me with old camp and school friends. Even though I haven't seen some of them in more than thirty years, I am now back in their lives, even if it is only on the periphery and for only a fleeting moment when I click the "like" button on their posts. I have seen pictures of their families and they have seen mine. Is every friend on social networking sites my best buddy? Of course not. But tell me....What is wrong with that?

It was the fallout from this conversation about Facebook that got me to thinking about the milestones in our lives and how we have a true need to share these momentous occasions with the world, both those near and dear and those more removed. Maybe it is the spring season that has me so nostalgic as this is a time of year when so many are celebrating touchstone moments in their lives. Over the last couple of weeks friends have shared anecdotes about B'nai Mitzvah, proms, graduation ceremonies, big birthdays, engagements, college acceptances, travel plans, confirmations, new employment opportunities, a new baby, and even an unfortunate death. We are watching our children and our parents move into new phases of their lives, and we ourselves are wondering where this leaves us and what comes next.

In my own home Youngest Son is graduating from university. I could not be prouder of my son. He worked his tail off to achieve this goal and he is truly worthy of the title "College Graduate". But the occasion is also one of melancholy. For the first time in more than twenty-three years there will be nobody in our house getting ready for school come September. Those kid days are gone forever. When he returns from his summer hiatus, he will be actively seeking employment and moving out of our house for good. The Husband and I have been semi empty-nesters for going on four years, but this event suggests a permanency where there was none before. We will be fine. We both embrace change (him better than me) and all that it brings, but still we know that an era that made up the bulk of our married life is coming to a close. What lies ahead, while exciting, is also a tad frightening. We are entering the May of our September. The beginning of the next.

Many friends have asked if my nostalgia is a result of this being my fiftieth birthday year. Firstly I need you all to understand that I have seven more months until I reach that momentous milestone. Secondly it needs to be said that I am not having any problems with the idea of 50. If this is what 50 looks and feels like, I think that I can cope. No. I think that my introspection is a result of so many big events converging upon us at the same time. The fact that I will be 50 in December is just a coincidence of the calendar and frankly I plan to celebrate it with all that I have.

We are a social species. We need connections. We require human contact. We need to feel a part of each other even if that time is fleeting and small. When I posted about Younger Son's accomplishment my friends rallied with words of love and mazel. Each one was special and important to me because they shared in my life's news. And in the end isn't that what it's really all about?