Thursday, 22 November 2012

Aren't You Glad You're Not a Turkey......

For the sake of my American friends, I won't get too verbose or too heavy on this their grand national holiday. I will attempt to keep it light and fluffy just like those helium balloons headed towards 34th Street. So, instead I will offer a few quick observations of Thanksgiving noted from a distance.
  • I love a parade. I especially love watching a parade from the warmth and comfort of my own home and HD TV. Notwithstanding the relative balminess of this particular November day, the best sight line for the annual Macy's march is from my couch. It would be great to see it in person some day.....but only if Thanksgiving moves to July.
  • Watching Martha Stewart and Giada De Laurentiis work together to prepare Thanksgiving dinner this morning on the Today Show was a bit like watching Cinderella cook with the Evil Stepmother. Martha didn't let the poor girl get a word in, and the irony is that it is Giada who is the Cordon Bleu trained chef! Instead Martha had her basting the turkey and pouring apple slices into a prepared crust like a lackey. Disturbing!
  • I think that I have figured out what most Americans are thankful for today....not having to work retail! The "festivizing" of conspicuous consumption is bad enough on Black Friday, but for stores to open their doors today on Thanksgiving Day is slightly unseemly. I can almost tolerate the idea of late night doorbusters, but compelling your employees to miss their own family celebrations during the day all in the name of consumerism is abhorrent. Which brings me to.....
  • Black Friday. Leave it to North Americans to worship and celebrate a holiday totally devoted to shopping. A day totally set aside for buying useless shit on sale that will probably end up in a landfill six months from now. Absolutely brilliant! And so in the style of all religious celebrations, I offer a prayer for the day. 
All praise to the god Walmart! May his vision and strength sustain all throughout this holiday season, and may his rollback price guarantee grant us serenity of wallet. May he offer health and courage enough to withstand the trampling crowds, the potential knifings that might be inflicted at the electronics counters, and the old ladies with shopping carts ramming into our shins. May he provide us the will to resist purchasing that ugly menorah sweater with the flashing candles simply because it is marked down 80%, and to buy only that which is truly that ugly reindeer sweater with the flashing red nose that is marked down 90%. May he ensure our continued sanity and well-being after the three hundredth hearing of the musak version of Jingle Bell Rock. May he protect and keep our credit and debit cards safe from harm and far from the dreaded scissors, and may he grant us all the peace of mind that comes with the successful procuring of this year's must have toy. Peace on earth, good will towards men and Chag Sameach.

In all seriousness....To all who are celebrating.....have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Remember your blessings and please consider those who are still suffering. A donation to the tzedakah of your choice goes a long way to helping those who can't have turkey and family today.

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