Aren't You Glad You're Not a Turkey......

For the sake of my American friends, I won't get too verbose or too heavy on this their grand national holiday. I will attempt to keep it light and fluffy just like those helium balloons headed towards 34th Street. So, instead I will offer a few quick observations of Thanksgiving noted from a distance.

• I love a parade. I especially love watching a parade from the warmth and comfort of my own home and HD TV. Notwithstanding the relative balminess of this particular November day, the best sight line for the annual Macy's march is from my couch. It would be great to see it in person some day.....but only if Thanksgiving moves to July.
• Watching Martha Stewart and Giada De Laurentiis work together to prepare Thanksgiving dinner this morning on the Today Show was a bit like watching Cinderella cook with the Evil Stepmother. Martha didn't let the poor girl get a word in, and the irony is that it is Giada who is the Cordon Bleu trained chef! Instead Martha had her basting the turkey and pouring apple slices into a prepared crust like a lackey. Disturbing!
• I think that I have figured out what most Americans are thankful for today....not having to work retail! The "festivizing" of conspicuous consumption is bad enough on Black Friday, but for stores to open their doors today on Thanksgiving Day is slightly unseemly. I can almost tolerate the idea of late night doorbusters, but compelling your employees to miss their own family celebrations during the day all in the name of consumerism is abhorrent. Which brings me to.....
• Black Friday. Leave it to North Americans to worship and celebrate a holiday totally devoted to shopping. A day totally set aside for buying useless shit on sale that will probably end up in a landfill six months from now. Absolutely brilliant! And so in the style of all religious celebrations, I offer a prayer for the day. 

All praise to the god Walmart! May his vision and strength sustain all throughout this holiday season, and may his rollback price guarantee grant us serenity of wallet. May he offer health and courage enough to withstand the trampling crowds, the potential knifings that might be inflicted at the electronics counters, and the old ladies with shopping carts ramming into our shins. May he provide us the will to resist purchasing that ugly menorah sweater with the flashing candles simply because it is marked down 80%, and to buy only that which is truly needed...like that ugly reindeer sweater with the flashing red nose that is marked down 90%. May he ensure our continued sanity and well-being after the three hundredth hearing of the musak version of Jingle Bell Rock. May he protect and keep our credit and debit cards safe from harm and far from the dreaded scissors, and may he grant us all the peace of mind that comes with the successful procuring of this year's must have toy. Peace on earth, good will towards men and Chag Sameach.

In all seriousness....To all who are celebrating.....have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Remember your blessings and please consider those who are still suffering. A donation to the tzedakah of your choice goes a long way to helping those who can't have turkey and family today.

Black Friday Bonanza

I have never been a fan of the bloodsport of competitive shopping. In my mind there is something unseemly about camping for days in front of a Walmart in order to bargain hunt. I haven't got the stomach for the "every woman/man for themselves" mentality, and I certainly wouldn't go to the mattresses for a discount. (Is anybody else impressed with my "Godfather"reference?) I tried it once. This menace of zombie shopping. Not on Black Friday mind you, but on Boxing Day the day after Christmas. I was at the Southern Home as I usually am for the Christmas vacation. It was six weeks prior to Younger Son's Bar Mitzvah and I still had nothing to wear. I was seriously entertaining the idea of attending in my torn jeans and a turtleneck, when I cajoled my Other Mother (my mother was still in Toronto due to circumstances unforeseen) to trek to the stores with me in the desperate hope of finding something more suitable for the occasion. We left our homes at 6:00am so that we could a) Find a parking spot that wasn't in Tallahassee and b) enter Bloomingdales with the other crazies at 6:30. After pulling every possible item that wasn't jeans and a turtleneck off of the racks and shelves, (size matters not a whit when shopping with animals) I staked out my claim to the last available fitting room. I tried on clothes while Other Mother acted as runner. Competitive shopping is a two-person game, lest the inmates attempt to usurp your hard-won territory. After several hours of playing survival of the fittest, we left the department store with a silk skirt, a lovely top and a shrug all for a deeply discounted price. We never left Bloomies, our mission completed with one-stop shopping and neither of us having the stomach to venture deeper into the belly of the beast. Let the next morons have their shot. We both swore a blood oath "Never again".

But far be it from me to keep others from that which they love or find important. I freely acknowledge that the Jew in me doesn't fully understand the Christmas shopping mentality, so if Black Friday is your thing-have at it. I do however, want to put in a personal plug for the shopping season. Tomorrow has been labelled Small Business Saturday in the United States. I kind of love this idea. After you have muscled and bullied your way through the big box and chain megastores, try and send some of those shopping dollars to a small business in your area. How about frequenting the local pet store instead of Petsmart to find that perfect gift for Fido or Fifi? Or how about a visit to that funky bohemian clothing shop downtown, rather than Macy's? Maybe that local gourmet shop has some nifty kitchen gadgets that can't be seen at William's Sonoma? In these difficult economic times, it has been the locally owned and operated businesses that have taken huge hits. How about sending them some love and capital this holiday season? If Saturday shopping is not your thing, take Small Business Saturday and transfer it to Sunday or Monday. The sentiment is still the same.

In that vein, I would like to tell all of my Toronto-based friends about an exciting new local business finally opening for retail. The Husband and Twin Son have been making their artisan spirits for several years now and have been trying to shoehorn their way into a tightly government controlled market here in Ontario. They have finally, finally, finally been given permission to open a retail store on the site of their distillery and hope to have it up and running by December 1st, (Please note the date. They aren't ready just yet to receive the hoards that we know will be pounding on the door!!) just in time for all of those holiday parties. Please come and visit Still Waters Distillery at their new onsite retail outlet at 150 Bradwick Drive #26 in Concord. Details can be found at the website. The boys will happily set you up with their award winning vodka and some special single malts unavailable at your local LCBO. Sincere apologies to my out of town readers but e-commerce is not yet available. Hopefully soon.

Enjoy the day of bargain busting friends. Me? I will spend my time getting ready for Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom to all who observe.