Tuesday, 13 November 2007

If You Give a Moose a Muffin

When my boys were small, and they actually cared about such things, one of their favourite pastimes was the evening ritual of bedtime reading. Actually this is still quite the passion, but not by the husband and me. (This is a good thing as given their ages it would border on the creepy.) One of their favourite stories was a charming little tale entitled "If you Give a Moose a Muffin" written by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond. It is one of those chicken and egg tales that begins like this: "If you give a moose a muffin, then he will want a glass of milk to go with it. If you give him the glass of milk then.....", well you get the idea. It follows a basic plot line until it eventually (SPOILER ALERT for those who require it!) comes back around to giving the moose his muffin. For those of you with small children or looking for an ideal gift, I highly recommend both it and it's sister book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"-same premise-different four-legged creatures. I mention this story because I feel that it is important to perhaps provide some context as to why we are currently under siege. Several months ago, I complained to the husband, as I am often wont to do, that the kitchen faucet leaked. Now, the husband is one of the few handy men from the "tribe" that I know. In his younger days, he actually finished an entire basement with his own two hands. Those of you who remember us from our young married days, will recall the "dropping the hot tub through the living room floor" experience. We were moving into a new house and the husband was determined that our hot tub should move with us. Only, he hadn't quite figured out how to get it around the basement corner and down the stairs. No problem!! He cut a large hole through the floor in the living room and recruited several of our friends to come over and carefully lower the thing into the basement. For years afterward, whenever those guys would visit, they would gingerly navigate the area around where said hole used to be. There was never a single problem and no one had the occasion to sue. It has always amazed me that I married one of the few handy Ashkenazi men around. The men in my family have found changing a light bulb to be a challenging home repair project, so having the Jewish Bob Vila around was kind of cool. So we now fast forward to spring of 2007 and my kitchen faucet is leaking. (C)Handy Jew can't seem to fix it and within a few weeks, the entire contents of the Great Lakes is depositing itself under my sink. No problem, right? If you have a leaky faucet then you must replace the sink. If you replace the sink, then the countertop and dishwasher should go as well. If you are changing the dishwasher, wouldn't it be nice if all of the appliances matched? If the appliances are new then the cupboards need upgrading. And if the cupboards need upgrading, then the floor should be changed. And if you are ripping up the floor, then why not tear down a wall or two? The irony in all of this is that the husband DOESN'T COOK!!!! His idea of kitchen usage is opening the refrigerator and making the occasional omelet. A fine culinary experience for him is microwave popcorn. He would rather go hungry, then have to fuss with a meal. So here I am, living like a hermit and searching for some semblance of order, cleanliness, space and food preparation all because of a leaky faucet and I gave the moose his muffin!!!

Outside hunky contractor has finally done his General MacArthur impersonation and returned to the scene of the crime. Hopefully, there will be some progress on the re-bricking today. Inside reliable contractor has been diligently working on the electrical stuff, so real visual progress is not great, but we are definitely moving forward. Onward and upward!!!

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