I went for an early morning walk today. I saw a lot more people running, walking, doing yoga, or tai-chi than I would on a typical day. I chalked it up to New Year's Resolutions and probable new personal commitments to exercise. I wonder just how many of those intrepid runners will still be at it come February? Because that's the thing about resolutions. They are usually doomed to fail unless one has a constitution of steel and a mind ready to bring on change. Most of us simply don't have either.
It is why I rarely start fresh on January 1st. Other than Betty White no longer walking this planet, what has really changed since yesterday? Change can only happen with true fidelity to the cause and real change comes from growth, experience, and education. I am a big believer in the power of knowledge and learning. And so it was, that I asked some friends to share with me one thing that they had learned throughout 2021. One thing. It could be a thing that led to something positive in their lives or it could be a realization that something toxic needed excising. One thing learned. It seems so simple when the question is asked but for some, it required a bit of soul-searching. I was impressed by the answers and the generosity with which they were shared.
Some took the opportunity to have tangible and hands-on learning experiences.
"I have started to learn to paint in acrylics. A new hobby that can be done at home. I took a TDSB adult education course online to get started--an opportunity not usually available."~Janice S.
"I learned to use Squarespace to set up my new website. Definitely a learning curve."~Sandee S.
"After years of painting in acrylic, I am learning to paint in oil."~Karen P.
"I learned that I love plants, that 10K+ steps per day are great for the soul, and that a little TV is relaxing.~Kim A
"I've learned how to use an industrial leather sewing machine. (I help my wife realize her creations.) Working on learning leather tooling and carving."~Scott M.
Last year in this space, I remarked how important new hobbies and ventures had become to me during the early days of the pandemic and that continued into 2021. Baking, cooking, and online classes have continued to stimulate my mind and feed both body and spirit. I am in awe of people with artistic abilities and can't wait to see the fruits of their labours.
But...there was more. Friends who continued their educations in far more formal settings.
"I learned that you can go back to school after 50 and earn a new diploma."~Zoe S.
"I've learned that I can still rock the cap and gown."~Larry T.
"I've learned/got better at controlling my patients' diabetes with newer medications."~Ellen G.
I love my friends who understand and have committed to lifelong learning. We are better humans when we realize that we don't know everything and then open ourselves up to expanding the reservoirs of knowledge.
There were happy posts that shared milestones...
"I learned, not surprisingly, that I love being a grandparent."~Kathy S.
And the painfully honest and understandably angry and fed-up posts...
"I never want to experience another pandemic."~Francine
I think that she speaks for 7+ billion of us.
And then some dug deep within themselves and had no difficulty sharing self-actualizations and realizations. I appreciated how profoundly personal these were and was honoured that they felt comfortable enough to make them public. I think that I will remove names at this point because they aren't friends of the entire intertoobs. If you are my Facebook friend, you can read them for yourself.
"I learned that I cannot control life. I'm not even talking about my life, bigger than that. I am truly just a player in this thing, so I need to focus on enjoying and surviving, not on anticipating or predicting. That's just so big for my mental health journey."
"I learned a great many things, but most of all who really matters."
"Stress is not something someone hands you on a platter, you "serve" yourself. So, choose your stresses wisely!"
"I learned that I am stronger (emotionally and physically) than I thought I was."
"I learned that although I love my job/profession, I cannot work 7 more years until retirement. Life is short, so I am working on retiring in 3 years." (This came from a healthcare professional.)
"I am learning to always be true to myself. Life is too short to settle and/or to allow anyone to make me feel any less than what I am."
"I learned that I LOVE being a homebody. Shocked the hell out of me."
"I learned אם אין אני לי מי לי This is a quote from Rabbi Hillel in Pirkei Avot which translates to "If I am not for myself, who will be for me." (This is Dawn speaking now. The rest of the quote is instructive too as it reads, "And when I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?")
"Remember to tell people how much they mean to you because you might not get a second chance."
During a time of so much pain and suffering, people found ways of coping, learning personal truths, and coming out stronger. It hasn't been that way for everybody and so many are still struggling but I am giving standing ovations to those who are living authentically.
It wouldn't be fair to ask you all to share and for me to merely act as observer and stenographer. Here are a few things that I learned this year. Some are difficult to hear and the Canadian in me wants to apologize for them but...well...here goes.
I learned that in the name of actively listening to every voice we tend to give credence to stupid and dangerous ideas.
I learned that I only have so much bandwidth.
I learned that my exhaustion sometimes explodes at inopportune times and at the wrong people.
I learned that giving in to that exhaustion isn't selfish.
I learned that what is "normal" to me might not be "normal" to you.
I learned that as a society we have elected the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet to lead us. This is irrespective of party or political ideology.
I learned that a long walk with a good book in my ear can be soothing.
I learned that watching the world through the eyes of children can be soul-cleansing, especially when those children are grandchildren.
I learned that while I can't control people or their stupid behaviour, I don't have to let them into my life.
And here's the toughest of all...
I learned that cutting off toxic people, even if they are family or formally close friends, is a mental health imperative.
I want to leave 2021 on a positive note and enter 2022 with hope and so, I will give you a few more from dear friends who are obviously far better people than am I.
"Be kind every day."~Naomi C.
"Being an empty-nester isn't as bad as I thought it would be"~Kim A
And...this...my favourite of all...was attached to Scott's comment above.
"I learned that I love my wife of 30 years more than I thought possible."
Me too, The Husband. More than I ever thought possible.
Onward and upward 2022.
Let's go.
