Friday, 11 September 2009

None of the Above

Back in 1985, the great comedian Richard Pryor starred in a goofy film entitled Brewster's Millions.The basic premise of the film was as such. Montgomery Brewster, a career minor league baseball player, is unexpectedly left as the only heir to a wealthy heretofore unknown relative. In order to discern if Brewster understands the value of money, the rich uncle sets up a test for our hero. If Brewster is able to spend $30 million dollars in 30 days, he will then inherit $300 million. Now, in these kinds of movies there is inevitably a catch. Brewster cannot tell anybody about his task (not even best friend John Candy), nor is he allowed to have any assets to show for the $30 million at the end of the month. He is only allowed to give a certain portion away to charities and he is only allowed to spend a certain percentage on salaries. Sounds easy, right? It proves to be much more challenging than anyone might think. Now, my favourite part of the movie occurs when Brewster stumbles on a surefire method to rid himself of huge chunks of the cash. He decides to run for mayor of New York City, but encourages the citizens to not vote for him, nor any of the corrupt politicians seeking the office. (If Brewster were to win the election, he would be on the hook for the mayor's salary and cannot have that count against the $30 million!) Instead, Brewster implores the people of New York to vote for "None of the Above".

Canadian politics and the cesspool in which we currently find ourselves has started me thinking that I might have to join with Montgomery Brewster and vote for "None of the Above". Our chronically indecisive electorate and our regional disparities have plagued our country with three consecutive minority governments and it is apparent to even the most dispassionate Canadian that yet another federal election will be called sometime this fall. Four elections in five years is something that even we stoic Canucks are having a difficult time understanding. The colossal waste of time and money for outcomes that are pretty much pre-determined to not change one thing in Parliament, has most of us reeling. We are in tough economic times, unemployment is through the roof, promised government spending on shovel-ready infrastructure projects has been tied up in red-tape for months and our classy (?) political representatives are lining their war chests for yet another round of name calling, venom spewing, and out and out bullshit!! TV ads have been running for weeks with each leader calling the others, names that are CRTC-friendly euphemisms for whore and traitor. Last night, Prime Minister Harper was caught on "Candid Camera" at a supposed closed door function spewing hatred and contempt for the progressive left-wing opposition and fear-mongering the troops into battle mode. "Sweatered Stevie" doesn't look so cute and cuddly when uttering such crapola like this.
But I guarantee it, if we do not win a majority, this country will have a Liberal government propped up by the socialists and the separatists. That government may not last long but every day it's in office it will do long-term, real damage to this country. This country cannot afford a government like that.

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff has done absolutely nothing to endear himself to the electorate. As a matter of fact, he was AWOL for most of the summer while the country was sweating and sinking. NDP leader Jack Layton spent his summer months trying to decide if his party should change their name. A rose by any other name, Jack--well you know the rest. The Bloc is trying to dismantle Confederation, and The Greens have yet to appeal to many outside of their fringe of tree-huggers and granola eaters.

Nope! I think that I am with Montgomery Brewster. Unless somebody can convince me otherwise and in a timely fashion, I am seriously considering voting for "None of the Above" in the upcoming erection! No-that isn't a typo. This has become nothing more than a "whip it out and see whose is bigger"contest.

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