Thursday, 12 June 2008

Urban Menace on Several Fronts!

I am trying, I really am! I am trying to be environmentally conscientious and friendly. I use my blue and green boxes with increasing regularity. I have replaced all the lighting in the house with low wattage bulbs. I drive a smaller and more gas friendly car. I take the public transit more often than I used to. I am trying. But, it seems that the more steps forward I take, the more steps backward I am pushed. Here in the suburban jungle, we have been face with a couple of problems over the last few weeks that I do not know how to handle. Maybe you all can help.

1. We live on an old tree line. It was one of the beauties that attracted us to the area in the first place. When the development was built, the integrity of the tree line was maintained. As a result, we have a host of beautiful and mature trees all throughout the neighbourhood. We enjoy old maples, oaks, various pines, and a variety of fruit laden trees including a pear tree that bears fruit every fall. With the arboretum comes their inhabitants. We have two very large oaks on the front of the property and as such we have a bevy of squirrels. They attack the acorns as soon as they are ready and leave a trail of destroyed limbs in their wake. When the old mutt was still with us, he kept the squirrels from getting too comfortable. Since his demise, however, the bushy-tailed have had free run of the property. Not only do they seem to love the acorns, they have developed a tasted for pears. They sit on the back fence, watch us with an almost gleeful smirk, pull a not-quite ripe piece off of the tree and begin lunch. After one or two bites, they toss the remainder--into the pool!! Yup-the squirrel "fruit and nut buffet" is open for business at our place! Bring your friends. We have learned to cope with the squirrels and their chipmunk cousins. Really! What other option do we have? (Legal options of course. Please do not inundate me with Angel of Death suggestions.)

2. The tree line also invites several species of birds to the area. Along with the ducks that you have witnessed, we are home to blue jays, cardinals, robins and so many more that I could never hope to name given my lack of bird-watching skills. (Those of you who are knowledgeable in this area, help me out!) We actually like the birds. They give tremendous character to the area. Unless of course one is attempting to build a nest for his family on the lighting of your front porch. Every morning we find new nest material. Every morning we rid ourselves of the mess. Every evening, he returns from the birdie Home Depot with more shit. We were hoping that our eviction notice would be enough, but he is a determined little bugger. Honestly, it would be a hugely dangerous place for a nest for both his family and ours. How do we permanently discourage our little friend and help him relocate?

3. We also have a menace of an urban nature. We are subscribers to one daily newspaper in town. The others are not welcome for various reasons. While I really do not want to delve into politics today, one of the papers is particularly heinous to me. For some unknown reason, that daily has been delivered to our home for the last two weeks. We didn't ask for it. We don't want it and we don't read it. Not only that, it is never delivered to the door, but rather scattered over the driveway. I have attempted to ascertain as to why we have been selected to receive such an honour, but to no avail so far. There was no mention of a free trial and believe me when I tell you, I will not be paying for this crap. I keep thinking that some poor fool is not receiving his daily dose of conservative bullshit while we are being flooded. Not bad maybe, but this shit is overflowing my blue box and I want it to stop. HELP ME!!!

All I want is to be a good environmental citizen. I want to stop pollution of the area and the mind. I want our feathered friends to find a new and safer place to live. For crying out loud-I am not poisoning or shooting the squirrels. Give me a break!!!

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