Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Help Me Find It!!!

I know that this will come as a shock to many of you, but it is the unadulterated truth. The husband is follicly challenged! Yup! It's true. He claims that he began losing his hair after he got married and had children, and that those facts are inextricably linked. While I would never doubt his word, I would like to point out that I got married and had children at the exact same moments in time that he did, and I never lost my hair. But, if he wants to believe this fallacy, then I am more than happy to play along. I should declare, that his lack of scalp covering has never concerned me. I come from a long line of male patterned baldness, and as long as he doesn't do the comb-over thing, I will find him handsome and sexy. (Yes, that was me sucking up!!) The exposed scalp skin has long posed an an additional problem, however. It burns in the summer sun! The husband does not possess my Mediterranean olive complexion, and his pasty white skin has been known to burn in about 5 minutes. The scalp area, being that it has not known an entire lifetime of sun exposure, is particularly sensitive. So, hats are an obvious staple in the husband's summer wardrobe. He owns a wide array of peaked baseball caps that he can interchange at will. But, like anything else, there are favourites in the hat drawer. Two years ago, the husband purchased a non-logoed, wine coloured baseball cap, that he claims fit his head perfectly. He was able to bend the bill to the optimum desired curvature, and the back was an exact fit. Unfortunately, like many other items in this house, it went mysteriously missing last year. Now the husband, for all of his wonderful qualities, is not the most organized of men when it comes to his personal belongings. He lacks a certain genetic characteristic known in our family as the "find-it gene"!

Let me explain about the find-it gene. According to my other mother, the find-it gene is that little helper that exists in all people that allows them to find missing objects. Unfortunately, among the male of the species it lies dormant until such time as it is activated out of necessity. For XY's that have never lived on their own, i.e with their own parents, wives or roommates, the find-it gene will not activate as there is no reason for it to do so. The find-it gene will only activate in a man, when he spends some extended period living on his own. Thus we have incidents like this.

"Honey, where did you hide the mustard?"

"In the refrigerator, where it always is."

"I can't find it."

"Top shelf, left side, beside the mayo!"


Of course when I come, I pull it off of the shelf from the exact location that was described. Living with 3 XYs the problem is compounded by a factor of 3. But, the hat is a different problem. I never saw where he last put it, so I could not be effective in it's retrieval. Last summer, we tore the house apart looking for it, to no avail. "Someone must have taken it, or you threw it out", he wailed. The husband finally gave up the fight and gave his allegiance to another cap. As we were cleaning out the closets for fall, lo and behold he found the cap. Excitement reigned and all was right with the world again. I carefully instructed him to put the beloved in a place where he was certain to find it come summer 2008. Well, guess what? The cap has mysteriously gone missing again. I surrender!! He never even got a chance to wear it this year. So, I will throw it open to the masses. Where would a smart, sexy bald man hide a beloved baseball cap so that he could find it without issue? I think that I need to go south for a more extended period of time and leave him alone to develop his find-it gene!!!


The husband was none too happy about the post today, so he made it his business to find said hat. He was determined to find it and find it he did!!! In my secondary closet. He doesn't have one single item of clothing in that closet, so it stands to his reason, that I must have put it there! Why? I have learned not to question idiocy!

1 comment:

  1. His car
    Front Hall Closet
    Top of the closet in the bedroom
    Closet of the spare room
    Under the Bed
    Closet in the laundry room
    Golf Bag