Oh Doctor!

A school in British Columbia has banned a quote  from the Dr. Seuss book Yertle the Turtle from being displayed in a elementary school classroom for apparently being to politically polarizing for the students.

The offending quote reads as follows: "I know up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here on the bottom, we too should have rights”. 

I know. Really. A terrible message for young minds to absorb, that all peoples are created equal and that all should have rights. I remember reading this and other Dr. Seuss works to my children when they were quite young, and I honestly cannot recall if I had discussions with either boy about the nature of left versus right as is referenced within the body politic. My guess? Probably not, unless it was in the context of treating others around them fairly and without prejudice-a lesson that most likely was not easily absorbed by the members of this school board.

Now I am not naive. Dr. Seuss was not without his politics. He started off as a political cartoonist after all, (he readily admitted that Yertle was modelled after Hitler) but I would venture to guess that in his messages to children and the caregivers reading to them, he never fathomed the crazy extremes to which people today would go in order to shelter children from radical political indoctrination ideals like fairness, respect for the environment, conflict resolution, religious respect, and admiration for those who are different.

In the great doctor's honour, I offer 10 of my most favourite quotes from his works. I am certain that you all have your own preferences and I open up the comment section for your reminiscences. 

1. "The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches and no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches. That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars and whether they had one, or not, upon thars."
2. "A person's a person no matter how small."
3. "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you."
4. "I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one hundred percent."
5. "UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
6. "I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues."
7. "Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas....perhaps....means a little bit more!"
8. "The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."
9. "Oh the things you can find if you don't stay behind!"
10. "I do so like green eggs and ham. Thank you, thank you Sam I am."

Radical stuff, I know. But I can honestly think of worse values to live by.

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!

I always said that there were three artists for whom I would literally camp out overnight in a lineup to see. Judy Garland (who was long gone by the time I stated these words), Bette Midler (who I was fortunate enough to catch in concert several years ago), and of course the grand dame herself, Barbra. I realize that my affinity for these ladies will not endear me to hipster music lovers, and that it will probably elicit groans from many in my own generation never mind my children's, but I'm sorry! I have always loved talent and these broads were and are the best of the best. I have been thinking a great deal of the gift that is La Streisand today on this her 70th birthday and it struck me that I was in total awe of her gifts not just because I yearned to possess merely a fraction of her vocal ability, but because she is always note and phrase perfect. The woman simply knows how to sell a song. Not only that, but she was and continues to be fearless in her musical choices. When disco was the rage, she worked with Donna Summer and Barry Gibb. When Broadway was back in fashion, she returned to her roots and reintroduced a whole new generation to Stephen Sondheim. When faith music stirred her, she recorded some brave choices without fear. She has always done it her way, often under the gaze of intense criticism, but she has controlled her career and her message in a way that no other female artist can ever claim to have done. Without Barbra there would be no Bette, no Whitney, no Mariah, no Celine, no other pretenders to the throne.

I finally did get to see her perform live when she finally resumed touring after decades of resisting due to intense stage fright. I took my parents because they were the ones who instilled my love for her early on. As I sat there watching them enjoy every single note and lyric, I was reminded of all of those times watching "My Name is Barbra" in reruns, all of those hours pretending I could reach the notes in "Evergreen", and all of those hours in the car singing with my dad. It was worth every dime spent on the evening.

In my final year of high school vocal music, I had to prepare a solo piece complete with full orchestra behind me. Naively, I chose to sing "The Way We Were". (It was the early 80s and the movie was still a big deal.) My teacher was impressed enough to force me to perform it at the end of year music night. I can still feel my knees shaking all these years later as I kept thinking, "Who the hell do you think you are? Barbra?" When the ordeal was done, Tom Cheek (yes he of Blue Jay broadcast fame) who was acting as emcee that evening, came over and kissed my 18 year old hand and told me I had done well. All I kept thinking was I hope I didn't embarrass Barbra. Happy Birthday, Gorgeous. May there be many more to come.

My body is Healthy if not Perfect!

It has been too long since I have taken to the keyboard to write in this space. Chalk it up to writer's block with a hint of daily busyness. In any case something tweaked my sense of justice today that I felt was just screaming for a response. And you know me, I am never shy with my responses.

Last week actress Ashley Judd published an essay in The Daily Beast that was mostly a response to some fairly ugly media coverage about her appearance. While I agreed with most of what she said about the greater conversation that is constantly being had concerning women's bodies and the impossible and ridiculous images that we women are often forced to live up to, it struck me as just a wee bit disingenuous that a celebrity who has traded on her appearance for most of her career in order to further that career was pushing this important and necessary agenda forward. That said, I do think that most of what Ms. Judd railed against in her essay is just and valid. We women are held to unwieldy and impossible standards when it comes to our appearance, and the fashion industry, media outlets, advertising agencies, and others are complicit in this nightmare.

We fast forward to yesterday, where here in Toronto the mayor was conducting his weekly weigh-in. This mayor has struggled mightily with his poundage and while I disagree with the man on just about every policy issue he has, I can readily identify with his battle against the bulge. I commend the man for attempting to get healthy and, speaking as one who has spent a lifetime dealing with weight issues, I share his pain every single week when he publicly gets on that scale and stalls or gains a pound. Yesterday in the heat of the weigh-in two protestors from PETA crashed the party in an attempt to convert "hizzoner"to a vegan lifestyle.

Now I need to make it perfectly clear that I hold absolutely no love for PETA. As a vegetarian, I cringe every single time these crazy people try and speak for me and mine. In my opinion, this is an organization that seems to trip over its own tongue whenever it attempts to advance its single issue agenda. This publicity stunt was not well received by the mayor, the press, or much of the citizenry of Toronto. If we want to have a debate about PETA and their mission and the flawed messages that they attempt to impart, I am willing to have that discussion. What I am not willing to engage in is image bashing like that of one of my Facebook friends this morning that basically trashed the two young women's appearance and body types as evidence that their vegan lifestyle is a hoax. This type of crude attempt at humour is exactly of the kind that Ms. Judd was exploring in her article. When does it become okay to call out these crude responses for that which they are-neanderthal and misogynistic attempts at humour that disparage women.

What if I had used disparaging language to describe the mayor's body type in speaking about my opposition to his flawed policies? Isn't that just as disgraceful as my Facebook friend's comments about these women and the organization they represent? Until we can engage in civil debate about our differences without bringing body and appearance  into the fray, we will never be able to move the dialogue forward and have a healthy debate about the issues which Ms. Judd advocated.

On This International Women's Day

Here are just a few things that I choose to commemorate on this the 101st International Women's Day.

• On this International Women's Day I celebrate the fact that my Judaism is inclusive of all voices male and female, together in study, song, and prayer. My Judaism doesn't believe that women should be relegated to the back of the bus. It believes that women and girls should be able to safely walk to school and work without being accosted by vile slurs or stones thrown in their direction. My Judaism believes that women belong in the public square, the military, in advertisements, and celebrating their heritage at the Western Wall. On this International Women's Day I stand with IRAC and The Women of the Wall.
• On this International Women's Day I choose to celebrate the work and accomplishments of Margaret Sanger, Dr.Henry Morgentaler, Jane Roe, Dr. George Tiller, and all of those faceless and nameless who have struggled in the name of women's reproductive freedoms.
• On this International Women's Day I decry all those who scream "slut" and "prostitute" whenever a woman is deemed too sexual or for wanting to control her own sexuality. I shudder at the double standard that allows a man to be a "player" but a labels a woman a "whore".
• On this International Women's Day I stand with the women of Afghanistan. From the Wall Street Journal. "A government-appointed council of 150 leading Muslim clerics last week urged the strict application of a conservative and literalist interpretation of Islamic law regarding women. The council said Afghan law should require women to wear the veil and forbid them from mixing with men in the work place or traveling without a male chaperone. "Men are fundamental and women are secondary," the Ulama Council said in a statement on Friday, according to a translation by the Afghanistan Analysts Network. President Hamid Karzai published the statement on his web site, fueling speculation that he backed the conservative clerics' position." On this International Women's Day I stand in support of ten years of women's rights and freedoms and oppose any aid that would shove them back into the closet.
• On this International Women's Day I celebrate that women come in all colours, all shapes, all sizes, and all are beautiful. 
• On this International Women's Day I remember those who died simply because they were women.
• On this International Women's Day I celebrate those women who are scholars and teachers, entrepreneurs and engineers, singers, poets, politicians, or public speaker. I am in awe of the doctors, scientists, lawyers, and entertainers. I honour the stay at home moms and those mothers that work outside of the home alike. On this International Women's Day I pay tribute to us all.
• On this International Women's Day I think of my role models-the women in my life-who have encouraged me either by word or by deed, to be the free-thinking, opinionated woman I am today.
• On this International Women's Day that coincides with the festival of Purim, I am Vashti. 

I urge you to add your own. 

Random Thoughts for a Random Day

It has been a strangely quiet and eerily lazy day. While I attempt to keep myself occupied in one location, events elsewhere are causing my mind to wander. With that strangeness fully implanted in all of your subconsciouses, here are just a few of the bizarre notions that have taken over my cerebral cortex in a grotesque attempt at diversion.


1. Two weeks after the hardware was given out in Hollywood, it is almost impossible to find an Oscar winning or nominated film playing at any mainstream theatre down here in South Florida. Instead we are inundated with mediocrity complete with forgettable titles such as Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, and Safe House. The new Lorax on steroids is playing at 3 separate theatres in the same complex. All the while, television and print ads are touting "the first blockbuster of 2012". It just might be me, but I wonder if Hollywood went back to making movies rather than trying to create blockbusters, if the artistic value of the modern film might be taken more seriously.

2. In the wake of the Rush Limbaugh "non-apology" apology to the women of the world, it got me thinking once again as to why it is so difficult for so many to say the words "I'm sorry" with true conviction. According to Tom Jacobs writing at Miller-McCune, these types of apologies tend not to play well. He cites a 2008 article by Zohar Kampf.

One type of pseudo-apology downplays the transgressor’s degree of responsibility. Kampf identifies five variations on this theme, noting that a wrongdoer can: 1) apologize while undermining the claim that he offended someone; 2) apologize for the outcome but not for the act; 3) apologize for the style but not for the essence; 4) apologize for a specific component of the offense but not for the entire occurrence; and 5) apologize while using syntactic and lexical means to downgrade his responsibility.” The latter category includes referring to an offensive action as a “mistake,” which effectively minimizes guilt.

I recently heard somebody say (I'm sorry, the exact person escapes me) that if one uses the words "if" or "then" in their supposed mea culpas, it is not a true expression of remorse. For example: any apology that begins with this poorly chosen phrase, "If my words or actions offended anybody, then....." cannot be true repentance. Keep this in mind the next time you are the one in line to apologize.

3. I took a slice out of my right heel yesterday when the leg of an old metal chair came down awkwardly onto the side of my foot. Not only has it been incredibly painful to take each and every step, but it is extraordinarily difficult to bandage and keep wrapped due to the odd placement of the cut. I am walking with a sort of out turned pigeon gait limp. The good news? My stalled workout routine which has been dormant for weeks due to a lingering cold and asthma after-effects, has once again been put out onto another short hiatus. I really am starting to wonder if my myriad of ailments over the past few weeks have been accidental or purposeful happenstance designed to keep me off of the torture devices of the gym. It's going to really hurt when I finally get back into it. Karma's way of punishing me for laziness.

4. Purim. Great baked goods, wonderful shtick, booze (if you're into that sort of thing), transvestitism ( if you're into that sort of thing), and the worst Jewish music ever written. Sorry to all of my friends and colleagues in the industry. We need to do better when it comes to Purim. Musically-it kind of sucks!!

5. I think that I will end on a philosophical note. I posted this on Facebook this weekend. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything You gave me'."-Erma Bombeck.

It has been that kind that kind of a weekend.

More Theatre of the Absurd

Here we go again! I have yet another scene to share with you all in my ongoing one-woman theatre of the absurd piece that I am thinking of titling "Airport Hell: My Life as Suspect". Please note to all of you reading this post who might have ties to or with Customs or Border Patrol, that my tongue is planted firmly in cheek as I write this. I really do respect what these fine people do for a living, keeping the bad people at bay and all, but I just cannot for the life of me figure out why I am constantly being targeted. Also, I need to disclose up front that in this particular case I was technically wrong, but the absurdity is just so acute-well you be the judges.

This evening I am traveling alone on a flight south. I have nothing with me other than my purse and a small backpack which contains a computer, a Kindle, five pair of undergarments (cotton bikini briefs in case you were wondering) and a belt. As is my custom, I use the trusted traveller kiosk. It immediately targets me for secondary screening. The kind agent directs me through ominously frosted double doors where I am forced to relinquish my passport, card, and boarding pass and I am told to wait until called. I sit in the waiting area with two very sketchy looking men, both of whom are schlepping multiple pieces of luggage and gear, and it suddenly dawns on me that maybe I am sketchy looking too. A far too young customs agent calls out my "still-to-me after 49 years" very unfamiliar first name that almost glues me to my seat, believing momentarily that he is barking for somebody else. I approach his desk and have the following exchange.

Him: "Have you ever been arrested?"

Me: (Starting to worry that there might be another with my strange-assed name!) No Sir! (Did you catch the overly solicitous use of the word "sir"? These guys scare the shit out of me!)

Him: "Do you have anything to declare?"

Me: (Trying to figure out the trick question, I answer softly) "No Sir."

Him: "No food?"

Me: (Shit!!! Busted. I forgot about the two throat lozenges that have been collecting lint in the bottom of my purse for the better part of a month due to a lingering cold.) "Oh, I am so sorry. I forgot that I have two Ricolas in my purse." You see-under the trusted traveller program one must declare all food. I swear I forgot that they were there, told him so, and I immediately corrected my error. Not good enough apparently.

Him: (Quite facetiously and snotty) "Do you swallow them? Do they go in your mouth? Therefore they're food. So, why didn't you declare them?" (Every word of this is absolutely verbatim-I couldn't make this up if I tried!!)

Me: "You are right, Sir. I made a mistake."

Him: "So, are you going to lose your card today?"

Me: (With resignation) "I suppose that is up to you."

Him: "Yes it is!!"

He then proceeded to open up my purse and backpack, check every single item, including my bikini briefs, and then made me repack it all. Kind of creepy if you ask me, but really-what dignity was left me? At this point I figured one of two outcomes was before me. Either he sends me home without my card refusing me entry onto the sacred soil, or he makes me eat the offending lozenges right there in front of him and then sends me on my way through, but still without the card. I just couldn't imagine this ending well.

Him: "Consider this your get out of jail free card, young lady! (We have now crossed the line into patronizing.) "You are a trusted traveller, act like it!"

He tried to continue the lecture. I kind of cut him off, figuring that I was screwed anyway.

Me: "I get it. I was wrong. It won't happen again."

Him: "It better not. You have been documented. One more time like this....."

Me: (totally terrified now) "Am I free to go through?"

Him: "On your way."

I qualified this story at the beginning by admitting my guilt. I was technically wrong. I did forget to declare the 2 lozenges, but really.....isn't there a code of logic written somewhere in the customs rules? And are throat lozenges really food? Under his logic if it is put into the mouth and swallowed it meets the definition, but doesn't that make Tylenol food? Medications do not need to be declared under this program. And...how many of you believe that he asked me the declaration question purposefully vague so that I might trip up in the "food" answer? Is it me or did his actions, including feeling up my underwear, cross a line?

I have been targeted too many times to not believe that I am being profiled. I get that they are looking at the swarthy olive skin, the dark eyes, and the Semitic surname. But I am a 4' 11" ,physically unimposing, middle-aged woman who's career is defined as clergy. The profiling loses me there. America-I really like you! Why can't you just once return the love?




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I love the middle of February. I realize that for most of you stuck in the misery of cold, dark, snowy, slushy, grey North America-February out and out bites the big one. But for a handful of us diehard fanatics, the middle of February is the beginning of that most wonderful of seasons-baseball pitchers and catchers are reporting to camps in Florida and Arizona. I could easily wax poetic about the pastoral beauty of the game and this wondrous time of year when all teams are created equal in the sight of the Almighty, but for you heathens-like The Husband-it is lost somewhere in the glassy stares when new Apple technology is announced and the joy you feel when you discover a new offering at the LCBO.

It has been many years since I have attended Spring Training. My dad took us to Clearwater to watch the Phillies way back in the time before the establishment of my beloved Blue Jays. I have always wanted to make the spring pilgrimage to Dunedin, but this year it is first time when I actually have the time and the true excitement to go. I will be in the land of my people (Miami) just as my boys of summer kick off the year and I was hoping to make the short four and half hour trek up the Gulf Coast for a couple of days to watch, witness, and maybe befriend Travis Snider. I have a mother thing going on for the boy! The Husband is instead being his old stubborn curmudgeonly self and is steadfastly refusing his wife this small but necessary life's pleasure. So I have come up with a list with which he can replace a two trip to baseball nirvana.

• A dog! Almost any dog will do, provided that it is not a chihuahua! Rescue dog, mutt, pure bred. I have love in my heart for most canines. We can start looking Friday morning when I return to TO.
• That trip to Australia that I have been dreaming about for lo these many years. And I don't mean "soon dear". I mean "this year dear!" Seems to me two days in Dunedin is way more manageable than four weeks down under.
• We could travel to the Bonnaroo Arts Festival in Tennessee where we can spend a long weekend camping under the stars, using public facilities, and picnicking with hundreds of thousands of our closest friends. Think Woodstock for the new millennium! Fun fun! I know how much you love crowds and camping out of doors. Hey! Our friend's kids will be there. We can hang with them!
• How about Comic-Con 2012? You could mingle with the trekkies and the "Sheldon clones" like yourself. We could learn to speak Klingon and watch all of the new movie trailers for those superhero movies you love so much. Maybe even arrange a shitach for Older Son?
• We could spend a wonderfully romantic weekend watching all of the Harry Potter movies, all of the Star Trek movies, all of the Marvel movies, and every Ahhnold movie back to back to back to........

Honestly, Husband. Aren't two days in Dunedin easier than all of that?