6+8=What Were You Thinking?

I am the proud and doting mother of two wonderful and finally adult young men. When Older Son was about six months old, there was a report in the local paper on the birth of quintuplets. 21 years ago, quintuplets were still newsworthy; unlike today when 6, 7 or 8 babies at a time seems to be what it takes to make the papers. As a young, exhausted, and often times alone at home first time mother, (The Husband traveled a great deal in those early days for business) I stared at the report with incredulity. All I could think of was that could have been me. I couldn't even imagine the possibility of trying to feed, diaper, clothe, coddle or bed 5 "Older Sons". My imagination would run wild. What about trying to potty train 5 or teaching 5 their Bar Mitzvah portions or, worse yet, teaching 5 how to drive? How would we send 5 to camp or college, or how could we possibly pay for 5 weddings? These wild thoughts were coming from a relatively sane, financially middle class, healthy, very organized young woman who had tremendous family grounding, an involved and supportive husband and only one infant at that time to look after. 

Five years later, I became the proud and doting aunt and cousin/aunt of two sets of twins. I watched with further incredulity as The Little Bro and the Ying to his Yang coped remarkably well with three children under the age of 3, and the Sister/Cousin and her Israeli were hell on wheels with 4 kids under the age of 5. I saw first-hand the sleep deprivation, the coordination of schedules, the massive amounts of familial help required, the financial compromises made, and the positive energy expended necessary to make it all seem so effortless. Again, these families were happy, well-adjusted, financially solid and with two involved, if not chronically tired parents. 

I remark on my personal experiences in order to try and provide some perspective in the weirdness that occurred in California last week. If the news reports are correct, a single 33 year old woman with 6 children under the age of 7, (including one set of twins!) gave birth to a litter of 8 more. She lives with her parents in a modest home and, is attending school to advance her career. There is no father involved that anybody will speak of, and it has become increasingly obvious that the woman conceived the octuplets through fertility treatments. Her mother has stated publicly that she may have some emotional issues and that she may be obsessed with having children. It should be noted that by all accounts she has been a very concerned and caring mother and that her children are well tended. So much not the point!!!

There are so many questions that need to be asked. What kind of fertility specialist even begins to think of treating a woman who already has 6 children? Doesn't that sort of defy the logic of someone being infertile? Isn't there or better yet, shouldn't there be an ethical code of conduct that these doctors ought to follow? Knowing that the woman is already a mother of 6, what kind of doctor implants as many as 8 embryos, knowing of the possible nightmare scenario that did occur? This physician had to know that selective reduction was already a hot-button issue for this woman, and that she would never agree to culling the herd. What kind of family doesn't attempt to intervene with a clearly troubled woman to stop obvious self-destructive behaviour? Who is footing the bill for all of the medical procedures that have already occurred, and will most assuredly need to occur at some future date? 

We as a society need to assume some responsibility for this travesty. We gawk and make celebrities out of the Gosselins and the Duggars and we marvel in their fortitude. Jon and Kate aren't shy about why they do their show. It is to pay for college education for their children. There are already reports that "Mom of 14" will have sit downs this week with Oprah and Diane from her hospital bed. She has procured an agent who is actively seeking sponsorship deals so that she might pay for the 250 diapers per week that will be required. Maybe some network somewhere will offer her a reality show too!

This is a case that cries out for intervention on so many levels. All we can hope for is that something will happen for the sake of the children. 

What Could I do with 18.4 Billion Dollars?

In stunning acts of avarice and colossal greed that would make Bernie Madoff shudder with pride, the titans of Wall Street were bellying up to the bonus trough to the tune of 18.4 billion dollars in 2008, the New York Times reported yesterday.

Despite crippling losses, multibillion-dollar bailouts and the passing of some of the most prominent names in the business, employees at financial companies in New York, the now-diminished world capital of capital, collected an estimated $18.4 billion in bonuses for the year. 

That was the sixth-largest haul on record, according to a report released Wednesday by the New York State comptroller.

While the payouts paled next to the riches of recent years, Wall Street workers still took home about as much as they did in 2004, when the Dow Jones industrial average was flying above 10,000, on its way to a record high.

Some bankers took home millions last year even as their employers lost billions.

There have been reports of multi-million dollar packages for corporate bigwigs, spa weekends as perks, office redecoration bills in the millions and corporate jets still being flown with regularity, all while the markets have tumbled in record fashion, job losses are mounting daily, foreclosures are becoming commonplace and taxpayers are footing the bill for these assholes' companies bailouts. Can you say disconnect? President Obama (Wow! That really rolls quite easily off of the tongue) was almost apoplectic. (Ok! He was the Obama version of apoplectic. I think I saw his nose twitch a little, which obviously meant that a nostril must have flared!) 

"It is the height of irresponsibility for employees to be paid more than $18 billion in bonuses last year while their crumbling financial sector received a bailout from taxpayers. "It is shameful," Obama said from the Oval Office. "And part of what we're going to need is for the folks on Wall Street who are asking for help to show some restraint, and show some discipline, and show some sense of responsibility."

Restraint, you say Mr. President? Don't you really mean a cultural sea-change? John Thain, the former CEO of Merrill Lynch which was recently sold to Bank of America as a direct result of a 15.4 billion dollar fourth quarter loss, has been trying to wrangle his 14 million dollar bonus and severance package out of the wheezing company that forced him out. This comes after it was revealed that all the while the bailouts were being negotiated, Mr. Thain was redecorating his downtown Manhattan offices to the tune of 1.2 million dollars. These bills included a $1400 wastebasket and a $35,000 toilet. (Insert obvious crap joke here!!) Mr. Thain has become the poster boy for the Wall Street bandits. 

I ask you? What do these people do that is so special, that makes them think that they deserve bonuses of this magnitude? I always thought that the word bonus meant "extra". If a job is done and done well, there are bonuses tied to exceptional performance. Shouldn't that also mean that if you have put a company into the crapper ($35,000 one notwithstanding) you must be held responsible? I have heard the argument that they work hard for the money, but do they work any harder than the emergency room physician on-call for 48 straight hours or the construction worker repairing a damaged bridge in -40 degree temperatures? No, there is an obvious disconnect between the financial sector and the average person. There is a sense of entitlement that is frighteningly apparent, that hasn't dissipated one iota, even as their worlds have begun to crumble around them. 

This disconnect extends to politicians as well. Here in the Great White North, Sweatered Stevie just brought down his much anticipated budget; the one that was supposed to kick-start the economy and keep the evil Liberal empire from usurping his turf. One of the centrepieces of the document is a much discussed tax break for home renovations and re-fittings. The idea is to help the ailing trades. Steve, baby! Why would somebody put new windows in their home, when they can't even pay the mortgage because their job has magically disappeared? Do you honestly think that the tax cuts proposed are going to be spent in the economy or isn't it more likely that they will be saved for essentials like food and heat? 

This economic recession that the world finds itself in will be studied and debated by smarter people then me for many years to come, and I would hazard to guess that it will probably get much worse before it gets better, but at the very least it is time to "bitchslap" the so-called financial wizards who hastened our arrival at this point. I realize that recovering that 18.4 billion is probably a lost cause, but it would be nice to see someone try.

So You Want to Know Why I Spend So Much Time in Florida?

If any of you are still wondering why I spend so much time in the southern home, I thought that I would post a couple of photos from my windows comparing where I was yesterday and where I am today. No joke! These are actual pictures and views from my windows in both the northern and southern homes. God, I REALLY HATE WINTER!!!!

I Love My Hometown, But.....!!

Toronto is a beautiful city, and I really love living there. I am not a member of the Chamber of Commerce, nor am I an employee of any level of government. (Can you imagine me as an employee of the government?) I am just a born and bred citizen of Canada's largest city. For any of you who are thinking about vacation plans in the near future, please allow me to tout the merits of my hometown. 

For all of the bitching and moaning that I do about the traffic congestion and the lack of a long-term  coherent transportation plan, Toronto is actually fairly easy to navigate. The buses and the subways are relatively clean when compared to other metropolitan centres of our size, and most drivers are willing to go out of their way to help. Waiting for a bus or a train is usually not that big of a chore, unless.... IT IS WINTER! Then the slush, snow and cold makes a ten minute wait seem like ten hours. The wind cuts through the many layers of knitted protection like a hot knife through butter. The buses and cars splash pedestrians so that now they are wet AND cold, and ice litters the sidewalks so that any short walk, even from curb to establishment, is an exercise in terror. Driving is not much better. Black ice is a joy, potholes created by too much sand and salt give the axles a workout, plowed snow narrows the roadways and most drivers forget their winter driving training five minutes after they have completed it. Transportation in Toronto is great, when it isn't winter.

We have a fantastic cultural experience. We have a newly renovated museum and art gallery, both considered architecturally important and stunning. Our theatre scene is the best in the country and rivals the heavyweights of New York and London. We have a budding movie making business, a film festival that is a bellwether for awards season, and our club scene is second to none, if that is your thing. We are often one of two or three Canadian dates on major concert tours and our symphony, opera company and National Ballet are world renowned. We have more restaurants than a gourmet can ever hope to visit, and one can dine on cuisine from every country in the world. Yes, there is much to do and keep you busy in Toronto, unless....IT IS WINTER! Then an evening out is balanced by the shlep of getting there. Theatres and concert halls don't have wide enough seats to fit winter coats, so checking them is a must. Expensive tickets might be wasted if the weather is bad and it takes a ridiculous amount of time to navigate the streets through the snow and muck. It is dark and cold and hardly seems worth the effort. Nightlife in Toronto is great, when it isn't winter.

We have a marvelous zoo and in the winter you can cross country ski there. (I don't ski.) We have many ski resorts within an hour of the city that provide hours of enjoyment. (I said I don't ski!) There is outdoor skating at city hall and wonderful hiking trails throughout many city parks. (I hate skating and hiking in the winter is just plain stupid!) Our shopping is world class. (If you don't mind shlepping heavy jackets and boots for the excursions!) We have a beautiful waterfront and the Toronto Islands are well worth exploring. (Unfortunately, Lake Ontario is frozen until April and the ferries close down for the season!) Even our hockey team seems to hate the season as is evidenced by their lackluster performance over the last 40 or so years.

We are known for how clean our city appears, but in the winter it seems dark and grey and slushy. We are known for our friendliness, but in the winter we seem surly and discontented. We are socially conscious and committed to greening the city, but in winter, green seems so much the oxymoron. 

And so, as I depart the southern home to trek north to the land of -25 celsius temperatures, I am comforted by the fact that I will be returning here shortly. I am excited to go home to play with family and friends, to drive a car again without fearing for my physical well-being, and to get my hair cut. I am far less excited to don my ski jacket, (I don't ski, but I own a ski jacket!) boots, sweaters and ear muffs. I loathe the idea of sitting on a hot water bottle for extra heat, gaining a few pounds because a higher carb diet, and dreading simple trips to the grocery store. I love Toronto dearly, except for in the winter.

I'll Always Be My Mama's Baby

As advanced in age as I get, and as mature as I think I might be, (which really isn't all that mature!) I will always be my parent's little girl. Now, don't get me wrong. I have a wonderfully adult relationship with both of my parents. They treat me with a tremendous amount respect, (even if my dad and I still have heated "discussions" about the state of the Maple Leafs and even if my mother does have this cloying little habit of picking lint off of my clothing!) and we have a wonderful way of socializing as friends. But from time to time, something inevitably crops up that reminds all of us that there is still a familial pecking order.

When the Husband departed three weeks ago from South Florida, to reenter the frozen wasteland that is my hometown, he returned the rental car that we had been using. There was really no need to leave me the car. In the first place, my parents reside close enough to me here, (2 floors down!) that if I required the use of an automobile I could easily borrow theirs. Not only that, since my other parents are also here (1 floor down!) there is rarely a time when both cars are being used at the same time. If I need to get out for groceries, sundry items or a sanity trip out of Hallandale, a car is always ready and waiting. In the second place, I absolutely loath driving down here. I struggle for the right words to describe the drivers down here---MANIACAL, CRAZY, PSYCHOPATHIC---all come to mind, but these adjectives are really not descriptive enough. In the two plus decades that I have been coming here, the stories of road rage that I could share would curdle the blood of even the most seasoned of drivers. I have seen people physically attack each other over parking spaces. I have witnessed right hand turns from extreme left lanes and left hand turns from extreme right hand lanes. I have seen drivers flip the bird to ambulances with sirens on and lights flashing. I have been trapped on the Hollywood Roundabout for over a half an hour, endlessly circling in tears, because no decent human being would allow me space to switch to the proper lane to get off. I have watched in horror as people drove on the sidewalks in order to get two car-lengths ahead in traffic, without any regard for the pedestrians that they clip. In short, the drivers of Miami are amongst the worst in North America, (Allstate Insurance says this, not me!) and I have the emotional scars to prove it. Thus, when the Husband said that he was returning the car, I was just fine with the plan. Transportation down here is essential to mental health, however, so just knowing that a car was at my disposal was comforting.

A week after the Husband left, a friend of mine joined me here to spend a couple of weeks. She was perfectly happy not to go to the added expense of renting a car, and was more than happy to act as my chauffeur in Dad's SUV if we wanted to head to the mall or a movie. The day she arrived the weather turned frigid, (Don't yell at me!! For Florida-this is frigid!) and as such, we needed to find ways to entertain ourselves. That meant borrowing my parent's car. Now, I don't know about all of you, but the last time I asked for permission to borrow a car from my parents, I was 17 years old. Last week, I felt 17 years old. I mentioned this phenomenon to my mother while I was apologizing for leaving them stranded yet again. The conversation went something like this. Really!!!

Me: "Hey Mom! Could I possibly borrow the car for the umpteenth time this week. I am really sorry if I am inconveniencing you and Dad, but I really do appreciate you allowing me to use it."

Mom: "No problem, honey! Happy to do it. Now let me remind you of the rules. No drinking, no phone use while driving, no wacky behaviour and your curfew is 10:00pm!"

Did we ever laugh. It was a real reminder for both of us as to the way things used to be. It got me thinking about the roles of parents and children, and how as we age, those roles can often become blurred, as is evidence by the following conversation with my father the next day. Really!!!

Dad: "Hey Faigel!"

Me: "Hey Dad."

Dad: "Can I borrow the car, tomorrow? I only need it for an hour to run some errands and I will have it back for you at around 1."

We had a good laugh, but there was a seriousness to his comments. He wanted me to know that they really didn't mind us usurping their transportation and that it was truly their pleasure to give to their daughter. Parents! Just when I thought I had mine all figured out. I only hope that I can be half the parent to my adult children as mine have been to me. 

Yes We Did!

I have a cold. Not a wonderful way to spend a day in South Florida, or anywhere for that matter, but I really didn't want to be sick today. I wanted to revel. I wanted to gloat. I wanted to make fun of the Dumbass in Chief who was finally exiting the world stage and I wanted to heckle his "Dr. Evil"-clone in a wheelchair, sad excuse for a vice-president. (Didn't he look like Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove?) I wanted a clear head when I heard intelligence from a political leader for the first time in years. I didn't want to miss a moment of history-and this is coming from an outsider; a stranger in a strange land, who crashed the party, uninvited.

Today I witnessed elegance. Today I saw humanity. Today I engaged in dialogue and rational thought. Today I saw generations weep for those who weren't here, and those who were yet to come. Today I was an observer to true bipartisanship; and today I saw true believers. It may sound corny and it may sound trite, but today I saw a man become an icon and an entire world transformed by his grace.

I have never before seen anything like today. I was not around for the last transformative leader. I was an infant when he and his kind exited this world with so much left incomplete. I have lived through a time of great excess and selfishness, a time of intolerance and a time of greed. My generation has usurped its authority. Today, we were reminded of our responsibilities. Today, we remembered that we need to be more engaged and more involved. Today we know that divisiveness and pettiness and ridiculous partisan behaviour needs to be consigned to the dustbins of history, in favour of cooperation and compromise. Today we saw the beginning. It won't be easy. He is not a messiah, he is just a man. But, he is a man with ideas-ideas that deserve to be heard and attempted. He is a man with an intellectual creativity that is astounding, and he is a man who has a genuine affinity for family, without resorting to using them as props.

So, today with my nose weighing about 10 pounds, surrounded by my Kleenex, Sudafed, Vicks lozenges and Chloroseptic, I spent 15 hours on the couch watching every move, every speech, every band and every dance. I debated her dress with my friend and I laughed at the lack of attention of the young girls. I was appalled by the poet laureate (WTF?) and I was reaffirmed by the brilliance that is Aretha. I tolerated the pundits and I even watched Fox News for a few minutes to laugh at their pessimism. (Today was not the day for pessimism!) Today, I actually didn't mind being sick, because I was totally captivated. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND: Bruce Springsteen and Pete Seeger at the Obama Inaugural Celebration

History meets the future in a very appropriate way!!