Summer Lists!

It has always been a goal of mine to publish my life list. (I guess I need to put this on my life list--oh the irony!!) You know all about these new-aged diaries. A list of things that one hopes to accomplish before one's life is at an end. While I am truly a long-range planner, I am not sure that I am ready to share my life list with the blogosphere. What if my nagging self-doubts take over and I am force to publicly acknowledge that I cannot follow through on some item or another simply because I am chicken-shit? So instead, I will attempt to publish my summer's list. A list of goals that I hope to accomplish before summer unmercifully draws to a close. It hasn't even begun, and her I am anticipating it's end. It feels like fall again here in the north country, so maybe that is what is spurring me on, but I do not intend to spend the best two months of the year wishing that I had done something, instead of actually doing it!

1. I plan on reading voraciously for pure pleasure. I love to read, but rarely find the time when I am at home. The winter home is a different story. When we are south, I consume books. Here-not so much. So I am vowing to finish as many of the 9 or so books that are sitting on my bedroom nightstand as possible. This includes the trashy along with the erudite!!

2. I plan on frequenting the local theatre scene. Toronto has some of the finest local theatre in the world and we take it for granted. Not to mention that we are within spitting distance of both Stratford's and Shaw's festivals. There are several shows on my radar, some big and some small. I am hoping that Luminato will kick it off, but if not I know that there are a plethora of choices. (The husband already knows that this is on the radar, but is sort of hoping that they are not all musicals!)

3. I plan on walking in the evenings with my friend. My dear friend has suddenly found a new-found penchant for exercise. (Ok-the reality is that she wants her clothes to fit better, but who cares about the motivation-she is willing to move!!!!) I love summer walks and while this probably won't replace my own workout regime, I am so happy to be outside at night without a jacket, (please GOD!!) that I am more than happy to help her in her quest for a trimmer physique. Anybody want to join us? the more the merrier.

4. I plan on not stressing too much about the High Holidays. (All of you who know me well, I command you to stop chuckling now!!) I know that my type A personality probably will not allow me to fulfill this goal, but I am going to give it a try. I have been doing High Holidays at various congregations for 20 years now. It is time that I accepted that maybe, just maybe, I know how to sing Kol Nidre. I figure that since the holidays are later in September this year, I can afford the luxury of enjoying my summer.

5. I plan on floating at least once a day, weather permitting. I really do love the pool. I just hate being cold. If the weather will cooperate, I plan on laying on my back in the water and float for an extended period of time to contemplate life, love and why I find this blogging thing so engrossing.

6. I plan on staying in touch with my boys while they are on their yearly sojourn to the midwest, but I also plan to not obsess if they don't call or email. I think that I can take the hit! (They better remember their father on his birthday, though if they want me to acknowledge their existences at a later date!)

7. I plan on closing the kitchen, but still eat healthy. I used to steal a line from my mother about summer cooking. "The only pots on the stove were flower pots!" With just the husband and myself to feed, I know that we can do it easily, nutritiously and cheaply. I simply refuse to order in, eat out and buy prepared foods everyday. I am on my monthly diet and as such can ill afford the extra calories. Our new kitchen will be used, just differently. When I fully figure out how, I will let you know.

8. I plan on taking a road trip with my girlfriends! Hopefully we now have a date and a place that we can all live with. 48 hours of shopping, laughing and eating (P.F. Chang's here we come!!!) sounds pretty damn good to me.

9. I plan on spending Labour Day weekend in the heart of the midwest with old friends to celebrate 50 years of Goldman Union Camp! There will be several posts about this as it approaches, but suffice it to say, I am so excited I could plotz! (or is that Klotz?)

10. I plan on sleeping in past 7:00am every morning. This could be a challenge in that I am truly sleep deprived and one of the millions who suffer from insomnia, but damn it, I deserve it and I want to sleep in. Frankly I will take 7:30am, but I am aiming for 8:00!!!

11. My brother told me that he plans to spend the summer making pies! (He is a computer executive who really wishes he were a chef, hence the need to bake pies!) He plans on making the perfect pie crust with every filling imaginable. I hope he gets there, but I will not spend the summer making pies. I would like to spend some of my time brushing up on my Spanish. I have 4 years of high school Spanish, but it is very rusty. (I don't think there is much call for this: "Esta Susana en casa? Si, Esta con una amiga! Translated as: "Is Susana in the house? Yes, she is with a friend!) I bought a Berlitz program for my computer this year that has barely had a run. I plan to be able to say a heck of a lot more by the summer's end. (At the very least, I hope to be able to figure out what our former temple president and his wife are saying to each other!! I wonder if it is personal?)

12. I plan to enjoy the city this summer. I would like to visit the various street festivals and landmarks that makes the city great fun. Besides, with gas close to a $1.30, who can afford to go anywhere else?

13. I plan on doing at least one thing this summer that is totally out of character. For this, I am willing to take suggestions. Please do not encourage me to skydive or bungee jump or some such nonsense. That far out of character, I cannot travel, but I am willing to listen to other thoughts.

That is all for now. Please feel free to share your own summer plans. If it sounds promising, I am not above thievery. Enjoy!!

John McCain unmasked!

While I realize that I have no vote or even a say in the American political situation, I do think that it is one of the most important elections in generations, given the impact that it could have on the entire globe. Arianna Huffington is doing a fabulous job of dissecting the wheat from the chaff! In her posting today John McCain unmasked she continues the process of showing the real John McCain. For every person who cares about women's health issues and reproductive rights, I urge you to read!

Bryn Christopher - The Quest

I love this song!! I am a casual fan of Grey's Anatomy, but when I heard this song on the finale, I went searching for it. Love the music, lyrics and especially the voice of Bryn Christopher. I am a tough audience and am rarely this effusive about something new. Thanks to the friend who pointed me in this direction. Enjoy

A Small Something for Your Shabbes!!!

Oh the joys of living with and raising men!

The most disgusting of things just happened! The male progeny are in the throes of camp preparations. Usually this entails the mundane task of underwear shopping (as previously posted), finding a new swimsuit or two and a run to Shopper's for essential grooming articles. This year, the husband and I decided that we would go through the old camp duffle bags to weed out the broken and decrepit, and repair and/or purchase new. Older son particularly has been on our collective cases about this, as he was convinced that his duffle had a broken zipper and would not tolerate yet another bout with American Airline's baggage handlers!! The husband dutifully made his way down to the storage closet to sift through our mismatched sets of luggage, when all of a sudden he lets out a "geshrie" the likes of which has rarely been heard!!! "Oh My God", husband cries out! I honestly thought that he found a nest of spiders. (the husband has a bit of phobic behaviour when it comes to insects!) I think that I would have preferred the spiders. As he is going through the litany of duffles, he came across older son's bag. Inside one of the end pockets, was a stash of camp clothes that had been sitting since last August. Several t-shirts, a few pairs of boxers and two pairs of moldy socks that have dutifully maintained that lovely camp odour all winter long!! I carefully removed the toxic waste with several plastic shopping bags and immediately threw them in the hottest wash that they could stand! Even if I choose to toss all of the items in the garbage later, the smell was too nauseating even for the trash! They may be salvageable, but I will not know until a few more times through the wash cycles! I placed an hysterical call to older son and found him enjoying the spring weather at the Blue Jay game.

"You won't believe this", I screamed hysterically.

"I emptied it all", he pleaded in complete denial.

"Obviously not, dumbass", I replied.

He apologized profusely and mumbled something about thanks for looking after the crud. The crazy part of all of this is, that older son is usually the meticulous of the two. It is younger son's room and possessions that have always concerned me. I always worried about mold and food stuff growing from his walls and if anyone had told me that one of the boys would leave moldy clothes in a duffle for a full calendar year, I would have guessed the younger. It just shows you, never presume and never assume. But I am starting to wonder if I have raised a crop of dillweeds!!!!

Random Thoughts!

A few things that have been gnawing at me. You may comment at will!

1. Why is it okay for television programs to publicize "ripped from the headline" shows and then deny that they have any basis in fact? (Law and Order-Are you listening? Ba Bum!!)

2. Why would anybody attempt to place a phone-in vote for American Idol or Dancing with the Stars for upwards of three hours, but neglect to vote in a federal election?

3. Why would anyone believe that high calorie foods eaten in small amounts contain more calories than low calorie foods eaten in much larger amounts? Over half of Americans believe just that!!

4. Why is a movie trailer at the beginning of a film? Doesn't a trailer, by definition, belong at the end?

5. Why does the dry cleaner charge markedly more to clean a woman's white blouse as opposed to a man's white shirt? Do we sweat more and create more staining?

6. Why is the husband so pleased at the thought of beating his mother to a pulp at scrabbulous? He positively glows when the game is in hand. Is this any way for a son to treat his mother?

7. Paris Hilton? Explain!!

8. Why is our favourite sports team called the Maple Leafs and not the Maple Leaves?

9. Why do men need someone to blame when something in the house breaks? Case in point: "You opened the door wrong and that is why the knob came off!" I didn't realize that there was a right way and a wrong way to twist a knob and open a door!

10. What do the numbers on Lost really mean?

11. What exactly is a Hoosier? (This one has bothered me for 30 years!)

12. Customer service? An oxymoron for the new millennium!

13. Why are we having November weather in May? Does this mean we will get May weather in November or does this mean we will have November forever and ever?

14. How is it that Harrison Ford and Sylvester Stallone can make action movies while collecting social security, but women actresses in Hollywood can't get hired over the age of 35?

15. Stupidity defined? 249km/hr on the 400!

Fear and Uncertainty!

It is the curse of any artist that one is only as good as one's last performance, painting or book. The artist is usually an insecure soul who questions their abilities at every turn, and who often requires positive stroking and reinforcement. Unfortunately for most artists, the reviews that are received are more often negative than they are positive, and more often scathing than they are glowing. It should come as no surprise then, that many performers withdraw from live shows as a result of debilitating bouts of stage fright. Barbra Streisand, in spite of enormous and unquestionable talent (and ego) refused to perform live for over 20 years. Carly Simon only recently returned to the live stage and only under the most strict and rigorous of conditions. While I would never presume to place myself in the company of these distinguished women, I truly can relate to the anxiety and nausea that accompanies live performance. People who know me well have seen my pre-performance ritual of tearing a new one to the closest victim around me! (To all of you who have been that poor unfortunate soul, I am profoundly sorry!!) I also cannot eat anything before I sing, as vomiting is not an unusual occurrence. Many will be stunned by these admissions, but it should be stated that public performance is among the most difficult things to accomplish. Anybody who has ever stood in front of a group to deliver a presentation, speech or song can relate to my feelings of anxiety. When surveyed as to the number one phobia or general fear, being in front of an audience usually finds its way to the top of the list. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I perform, I always seem to require a puking receptacle. And so, it is within this historical context that I throw myself to the lions once again. In November, the women cantors and soloists of Toronto are joining together for a community-wide concert in support of Kolel-the centre for Jewish learning. Why I have allowed myself to get involved with this project has been a nagging question of mine for months. (Yes-I know why!! I am representing my community, my congregation and myself-blah, blah, blah!!!) If ever there should be a time when I should question my abilities and talents, it is with these immensely talented women. At our first meeting, I felt very much the fraud. They were busy discussing possible repertoire and musicians and all I was hoping was that my underarm stains weren't showing. Tomorrow we meet again to finally sing together and, perhaps put together a tentative program. I am so scared that my stomach is already talking to me in that language that only the two of us understand. A dear friend, who is also involved in this exercise in gas and terror, assures me that I will feel better once the actual music starts, but I am less certain. Since there is literally no escaping from my fate, I will ask this question-Is it possible to e-sing a concert? I open it up for discussion!!! I will keep you all apprised of the exercise and egos over the upcoming months.

Boxers or Briefs?

Somewhere in the cosmos of the universe, it was determined that I should live my life in a houseful of "y" chromosomes. Even the old dog was testosterone-laden, although not as heavily due to a minor snipping procedure undertaken during his puppy days! It sort of seems appropriate. After all, I am the mom who understands the complexities of a 3-4 defense, who doesn't throw like a girl, who played Rotisserie League Baseball, (and won it all one season!!) and who suffers the humiliation, year after gut-wrenching year of being a Leafs fan! I am the mom who enjoys Aaaaaanold's movies and Marvel superhero comic books. I was the first mom I knew, who had her very own GameBoy and I am the mom who prefers Lost and Deadwood to insipid crap like American Idol and The Bachelor. (sorry to all of the fans who like the insipid crap!!) I actually have a great deal in common with the vast majority of "y"s! But, I am still a double "X"! While I am fairly low maintenance when it comes to fashion, I still like to keep current so that I don't look like a dork wearing the latest in 80's bustiers! The men around here, are definitely a different animal altogether when it comes to their apparel. The husband is NOT a shopper. His idea of shopping for clothes is to have me pick out an assortment of items in various colours and sizes, and have me bring them home for him to try on. Whatever meets with his approval (and mine!!) stays, and the rest should be returned from whence it came. I long resisted this method, (it doubles my workload!) but years of walking through malls without stopping at any men's store led me to my epiphany that this was the only way to have the husband dress like a mensch instead of a shlub!! If I left him to his own devices, he would be wearing jeans 15 years old and button down shirts hued in the most nauseating of colours. When I do manage to convince him that shopping outside of the house is a necessity, he employs what he calls the "man method"! Apparently men have very little patience when it comes to shopping, and require advance knowledge of where they are going, what they are purchasing, how much it costs, and how long the entire outing will take. While they are in the store, it would be helpful if spouses could please find coordinating clothing, such as shirts, ties, socks etc.. so that maximum efficiency is maintained! (I have spent many a day befriending the salesmen at menswear stores as the husband also has an aversion to help other than mine!!) Fast as lightning. Damned the fit, colour and fashion. If it works, buy it and get out! (I am aware that all men are not like the husband. My father is fashion maven and loves to look good! Still, his method of shopping is not far off from the husband's in that he scouts the stuff first and plans his shopping day ahead of time!) Men do not dawdle in stores. They rarely pore over the sale racks, unless something jumps out at them. That is what mothers, wives and girlfriends are for!!
I haven't just had to endure this shit from the husband over the years, he managed to pass this nonsense on down to his sons. When they were small it was easy. I bought the clothes and they wore the clothes. The only time I needed them with me was to try on shoes. I should have realized my fate way back then. Older son was a nightmare. After dismissing every pair in the store, we finally managed to squeeze something onto his feet, only to have him constantly whine about the toes, heels, laces or colour. No shoes were ever comfortable enough or soft enough. He used to wear his shoes literally off of his feet, before we would venture back for round 2! To his credit, younger son is more like his grandfather, in that he cares what is on his back, but he has no regard for price! I was thrilled when they started shopping for themselves, so that I didn't have to endure the traumas. Today, I re-entered the lion's den. Both boys had the day off and were in desperate need of a few essentials for the summer. Since the bank of mom is much deeper than either of their accounts, I was invited along. I discovered fairly quickly that the shopping window was finite and that we better get to our tasks immediately or nobody would buy even a sock! Neither dipstick knew their jean size!! How is that possible? Doesn't everybody have a notion of their jean size? Granted it may be off a bit due to make and fit, but not even an inkling? Store number one was eventually a success and we were off to obtain (gasp!!) shoes for older son. After making few quiet suggestions, I chose self-preservation and left him to his own devices. I wandered off and miraculously he left the store with a brand-spanking new pair of size 10s. (as an aside-given that both boys attend camp in the States, I usually like to buy them an updated Canadian t-shirt or shorts to show off their patriotism. In Olympic years, this purchase is usually a snap, but not this year. I have never seen such ugly and hideous wear as are being foisted upon the Canadian consumer this year by the Bay! Garish doesn't even come close to describing this crap. It is cheap feeling and truly nauseating to look at, but it is expensive! I felt a great sense of relief when both guys felt as I did!) We were on a roll now, but I knew that time was not an ally, attention was wandering (they were going into the video and gaming stores!) and that they still needed (ugh!) underwear!! Trying to determine the size of your adult male children's underwear is not something I would wish on any of you. Older son made it crystal clear from the beginning, that while this is something that he desperately requires, he would not even entertain the possibility of buying it while with his mother. (smart boy that one!!!) Younger son, always the pragmatist, and lazier in that he didn't want to put himself through another shopping trip, put his embarrassment aside and dove right in. He is now set for the summer. Hopefully older son will get it together before he leaves and will not be forced to wear his old stuff. Frankly, it is not my problem. As the husband said, men should not shop for underwear with their mothers, they should do it with their wives and girlfriends!! Ok sons!! The next move is yours!!!