This is an actual text conversation between The Husband and me that is still ongoing while I am typing. I will set the scene.
He is headed home this evening on an Air Canada flight, or as I like to call them..."Hell's Airline." Aside from the Fort Lauderdale airport being a nightmare due to increased security, (Paris, anyone?) he has no luggage and no carry-on baggage with the exception of a small computer bag. His seat was already pre-chosen and he is travelling alone. His flight was scheduled to leave at 9:20pm. The first texts arrive at 8:50pm. These texts have not been altered at all.
The Husband: This zone boarding thing doesn't work for Air Canada. Started boarding 20 minutes ago and it's chaos.
Me: That's because they're a moronic company.
The Husband: Massive lines
Me: They are never easy. Have no idea how to run an airline.
The Husband: Pretty funny to stand back and watch this. It will take another hour to board.
Me: You have your seat and no carry-on. Wait until the end. Don't fight.
The Husband: I am. Not in line. But something is definitely not working properly.
(We say goodbye thinking that is the end of it. HAH!)
The Husband: (9:16 pm) In seat. Still boarding. 50 minutes already. Just paged...(A person we know. We share an emoticon laugh.)
Me: Almost on your way.
The Husband: No!
Me: For real?
The Husband: Too many cabin bags.
Me: Assholes! (Directed at Air Canada staff who never ever ever properly police such things.)
The Husband: The overhead bin above me just got busted with people trying to stuff it.
The Husband: Calling maintenance
Me: Assholes. If they would just police it properly.
The Husband: Maybe I will get home Saturday.
Me: I love you!
The Husband: SNL Sketch.
Me: But too late at night to be funny.
The Husband: The still haven't finished boarding plane. Over 50 min so far.
Me: And they only have this one job right now!
The Husband: Airline is a joke. 15 minutes before maintenance gets here. Maybe I'm destined to stay here with you.
Me: There are worse things that could happen.
The Husband: Already 20 minutes late taking off after boarding 50 minutes before the schedule.
The Husband: (9:37pm) No maintenance yet.
Me: Flight Aware has you leaving at 9:51pm
The Husband: Not happening. Ha ha....some hoody wearing "dude" walks on, looks for 10 sec, and says "It's broken. I need to make some calls." It is right above my head.
Me: You should be blogging this. Want my account?
The Husband: Nah...just enjoying the entertainment.
Me: Good attitude. I'd be furious.
The Husband: Dude back. On his phone.
Me: What now?
The Husband: Duct tape!!!
Me: Get out??
The Husband: Kid you not!
Me: You're shitting me?
The Husband: Nope. Hold on...maybe not...not happy with that.
Me: Let me know when they break out the WD40.
The Husband: Little Jewish guy behind me is an engineer and wants to help.
Me: Can I blog this? Too funny.
The Husband: Back with the duct tape.
The Husband: Good job, dude!
The Husband: The engineer approves. Had to get special aviation grade duct tape. They now say 5 minutes because pilot and maintenance needs to complete paperwork. Can't make this shit up!
Me: I'm blogging it. Check when you land.
The Husband: Too late now, but I should have live tweeted it. Love you! Bye.
Me: Thanks for my evening's entertainment.