Friday, 29 November 2013

The Island of Misfit Blog Posts

The finish line is in sight and this madness of blogapalooza is just about over. Baruch Ha-Shem. (That's Praised God for all of you without mad Hebrew skills.) It's a good thing too. I am running on fumes when it comes to original or even partially plagiarized ideas.

As we wind it down, I thought that I might give you a mulligatawny soup mixture of a few ideas that didn't have the staying power to make a complete post, but were actually percolating in my draft file this month.

1. Did you know that I have had a lump on my head the size of a walnut for most of the last two weeks? I wish I could tell you that it was a battle injury or even something as sexy as the end result of a heroic rescue of an animal in distress gone horribly wrong. Instead, I am black, blue, and green because a mini-muffin tin fell out of the cupboard above my oven and landed flush on my forehead, dropping me to the floor like a stone. It is yet another example of my 4'11" frame not ergonomically fitting properly in the world. I should have climbed on the stool in order to retrieve the cookie sheet that I was searching for, but I got lazy and reached beyond my height class into the abyss and instead unleashed the fury of the happily secured muffin tin. In its anger, it rushed to the front and attacked the right side of my brow. It is still tender to the touch two weeks later. Being short has never bothered me all that much, but it is so very obvious that the world was not designed for me.

2. This month was the 6th anniversary of my blog. This little vanity space has certainly grown over the years, but I couldn't come up with anything that was either relevant or exciting about a 6th anniversary, so I just let it go by without celebration or recognition. Apparently it is traditional to give candy or sweets on a 6th anniversary, so if you all want to send chocolate my way I won't refuse it. Dark is preferable, milk is certainly acceptable, and white can remain languishing on store shelves.

3. Snow came early to the Great White North this year, but I decided that complaining about the weather was simply too much of a Canadian cliche to bother with it.

4. During the month of November we have had a myriad of phone issues, beginning with some late night wrong numbers and ending just yesterday with our landline totally crashing. (I am waiting for a Bell service call as I write this post.) The Husband and I have had serious conversations of finally doing away with the landline once and for all. The nuisance calls alone (YES! We are on the DO NOT call list, for all the good it does us) would make disposing of it worthwhile, but there is still a bit of the Luddite in me that worries about blackouts and 911 connections. What can I say? I'm middle-aged. I will say to the assholes who program their phones and faxes to robocall at all hours of the day and night, there is a special place in hell for you people. We have some family members coping with catastrophic illness right now, as well as family members travelling in some exotic locales. To be woken up at 3 am by your bullshit several times over the last few weeks was enough to send our heart rates soaring into the stratosphere. There ought to be a law. Oh wait...THERE IS!!

5. Today is Black Friday and I could not care one whit. Shopping has never been a passion for me, but this time of crass commercialism that has seeped over the border from our American friends is the height of ugly. I have taken to calling it the Hunger Games of commerce. There are no winners. It is also an incredible paradox that this bowing at the altar of consumerism is paired with American Thanksgiving. On one day there are expressions of gratitude for all that we have, and on the next we are told to replace it with newer and cheaper shit. I'll pass.

So there you have it. The posts that didn't live long enough to see fruition. Maybe if I'm really good this season, some portly guy in a red suit will rescue them from my hard drive and find the inspiration necessary to turn them into something pithy. Then again, I think that I have written enough about the Mayor of Toronto to last a lifetime.

Thanks for sticking with me this month. Tomorrow's finale with involve a happy dance.


  1. Gotta comment on this one, if for no other reason than being similary height-challenged (and if you think it's tough being a short female, try being a 4'-10" (or now even an inch or more smaller says my Doctor.) So I can so totally connect with your thought that the world just wasn;t designed for folks like us. Like you, I don't think much about my height, but it sure could make some great fodder for a series of blog articles. Maybe we should compare notes sometime (I, too, have been hit by falling pastryware!) Now tell us where to senm the dark chocolate!

    1. Oh Adrian, the stories we could tell. Let's talk. :)