As posted last week, our deck has become a home for unwed ducks. As of last evening Momma Mallard (I fear giving her a pet name because frankly, while I find the whole situation fascinating, I really want her to do her biological business and leave us to resume proper summer use of our backyard) was squatting on an "eight is quite enough" pack of ready-made omelettes.
He started by calling a wildlife removal expert who told him that they would come and move the ducks but that they require a permit. Ok. This is now descending into the complicated. Onward to step 2. He emailed the Department of Wildlife Conservation which apparently (who knew?) is a subset of the Ministry of the Environment. They responded immediately with a phone call. The lovely lady informed him that the ducks could only be removed if they were causing a hazard. (hint hint) He asked if her soiling the pool constituted a hazard and she (far too gleefully for my liking) answered that it did indeed, and that she would issue the permit to remove the ducks and destroy the eggs and nest. The Husband, dedicated vegetarian and environmentalist that he is, told the eager duck killer that we are looking for a humane removal and have no interest in destroying the eggs, nor in sending the mother into immediate shiva. Wildlife Lady responded that she will have a wildlife specific biologist from the ministry contact us to determine if such a method is possible. A wildlife specific biologist!! Our little duck nest has officially become a federal case.
It is so nice to know that my federal tax dollars are hard at work toward the task of saving and rescuing Momma and her unhatchlings. I should note that my federal Member of Parliament just so happens to be the Environment Minister. I wonder if Mr. Kent might come over and remove the family personally. It might be the first environmentally humane thing he has done in his not-so illustrious career.