Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Sarah Palin:7 Million Dollar Woman!!

I'm sorry.  I have absolutely no time to be writing this today, but the headline just could not escape my attention.  It seems that the Governor of Alaska is in line for a big payday in the form of a book deal.  Publishing houses are lining up to throw money at this woman. This woman who could not string together two coherent sentences if her career depended on it! (Oh-that's right-HER CAREER DID DEPEND ON IT!!!)  If Governor Moosemeat deserves 7 mil, then I believe that I am entitled to at least half of that for having to endure the farce that was her campaign for almost three months.  Honestly!  Who in their right mind would actually shell out $25-$30 for the ramblings of the "Mind to Nowhere"?  If Sarah were to ask for my assistance on her book project, (and I am certain that she could care less about anybody's opinion but her own) I might offer her these samples as potential chapters.

  • The Tenderized Moose and How to Cook it.  She could include family favourites like Moose chili, (which poor Matt Lauer had to endure!) moose burgers, moose meatloaf, a nice moose rub, and maybe chocolate moose for a dessert!!  She could also add step by step instructions as to the art of moose stalking and a how to guide on the rigours of how to properly dress a moose, so that the funky taste of buckshot is removed.
  • Snowmobile maintenance and Care. She might require the "First Dude's" help with this chapter.  Relevant advice could include how to start the damn thing when the temperatures dip to the ungodly, diesel vs unleaded (drill baby drill!!) and how to safely affix a car seat to hold baby Trig! 
  • Pandering to Congress for Pork Without Getting Caught.  Build a few more bridges, drill on a few more wildlife preserves and melt a few more glaciers all without it sticking to you politically.
  • How to Shop at Saks and Barneys for $150,000 or less.  Worthwhile tips could include how to blame others for the expenditures, how to dress down a wardrobe so that items appear to have been purchased at the consignment shop in Wasilla, or how to teach your 7 year old to work that Prada bag!!
  • How to Deal with the Liberal Media. Basically don't engage in any press conferences, hide your medical records from prying eyes, and only give sit-downs to the friendly sorts like Sean Hanity.  Avoid the beast that is Katie Couric at all costs!
  • How to Name your Child like a True Alaskan! Just look around the room and find the most obscure object there, and VOILA!-baby name!!  "Sofa" "Frame" "Stool"......
  • Vacation Ideas from the Gov! Who needs to travel and see the world when one can see Russia from the front porch.  

Please feel free to add your own chapter ideas for the "Thrilla from Wasilla".  Mama needs to earn that 7 mil!!

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