Friday, 10 October 2008

The Art of Slothing

Today, I am a sloth!!

It is a difficult experience for a type-A such as myself, but I am learning to cope.  Slothing is an acquired art form that I have learned to embrace and have come to believe is necessary for all of us in order to recharge our batteries from time to time.  For the last 6 weeks, I have been literally running on high octane in a 24/7 existence.  I know that this is not unusual for many of you, but the physicality of my job combined with my pervasive sleep deprivation has combined to make me quite hyperactive and a bit of a bitch on wheels! The day I had yesterday is, to say the least, exhausting as well as exhilarating.  The overwhelming feeling of tired extends to every part of my being, both physical as well as metaphysical.  I never knew that hair could hurt.  I never knew that fingernails could ache.  And so, I took today as a sloth day. 

I have had this day planned out for a very long time.  Here is a sample schedule.

7:30 am Wake up.  Now I realize that if one is planning to sloth, then 7:30 is ridiculously early, but I cannot sleep in, no matter how hard I try.  I actually was stirring much earlier then 7:30, so I consider it a tremendous accomplishment to have kept my eyes closed for that long.

7:35 am Retrieve newspaper, tea, computer, TV controller and telephone and bring them back to bed with me.  If one is to truly sloth, then one must have all of the sloth-like devices at one's ready disposal!

9:30 am Drag sorry ass out of bed, change into disgusting old sweatpants and sweatshirt and relocate all above items to family room couch.  Include a large bowl of raisin bran. (slothing requires nourishment!)

11:30 am Begin hour long telephone conversation with cousin/sister about absolutely nothing. (Cousin/Sister is a pro at speaking at great lengths about absolutely nothing!)

12:30 pm Lunch!! This midday meal consisted of one delicious brownie (chocolate is always a must!) and a diet coke!! Gotta love slothing!

12:31 pm Return to couch with Diet Coke in hand.

12:35 pm Younger Son calls to beg for money.  Tell him that sloths don't have pockets or purses and that he should annoy his father!  

1:00 pm Begin to watch George Clooney movie.  (Love George!)

1:30 pm Hate this movie! (Michael Clayton is boring as sin!!) Thankful for phone call from friend.

3:00 pm General Hospital is on.  Haven't caught my soap for ages.  Who are all those young and disgustingly handsome young doctors?

4:00 pm Thinking it might be time to shower.  This sweatshirt is starting to smell a bit ripe.

6:00 pm Head for dinner at mother sloth's home.  Sloths should never have to worry about Shabbos dinner!!

8:30 pm Return home change back into sweats and head straight for couch.  Another Diet Coke is in order!!

10:30 pm Bed!  Slothing is exhausting.

I have decided that this day is a moral imperative.  We all need a day like this, especially when the weekend promises to be a working weekend.  Sloth On!!!!

Shabbat Shalom all you sloths!! Enjoy your day.

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