Friday, 20 May 2011

10 Things to do Before the Rapture Comes

The Rapture is scheduled for 6:00 pm Saturday evening. I had better get busy. There is so much to do and so little time in which to do it.

  1. Call my mother back. She has left two messages and I just haven't yet had the opportunity to return her calls. There is no greater lesson learned than it is always bad karma to not call your mother.
  2. Clean the house. God forbid that Jesus might return and see my bed unmade.
  3. Eat a great deal of chocolate. This is just a general rule of thumb, rapture be damned. Oops! Was that blasphemous?
  4. Watch all of the recorded programs on my PVR. I just can't go on to the next world without knowing whether or not Bones and Booth did the deed.
  5. Go to Dairy Queen and indulge in a Rolo mini-Blizzard. I have wanted one for weeks and the coming events afford me the opportunity. I plan on going into the next life with a lactose intolerant stomach full of gas so that I might blow the lid off what comes next with great pungency!! The powers that be will be sorry that they messed with me.
  6. Buy a puppy! Younger Son's Young Lady has been sending me pictures for weeks via this site. I may as well enjoy his/her company while I can.
  7. Go braless. Propriety can bite me! 
  8. Have a sauna, a hot stone massage and a whirlpool bath. If I am going to go, I may as well be relaxed.
  9. Stomp on a few ants and flush several spiders. Hey we're all going together, aren't we? They can just get there a few hours earlier.
  10. Start apologizing to all the people that will probably be offended by this post. When we are still here on Sunday morning, I will have some major explaining to do! 

See you all in Olam Ha-ba!! Shabbat Shalom to all who observe!

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