Monday, 31 May 2010

A Dispute that Requires Resolution

The Husband and I are currently engaged in a dispute. The fact that we are at loggerheads over an issue should not stun anybody who has been married for 25 years or more, and believe me when I state categorically that this is not even close to a make or break issue, but it is one upon which we cannot yet seem to find a comfortable compromise. I am hoping that some of you might weigh in with your lucid opinions. Here are the gory details.

The Younger Son has a girlfriend. Not at all surprising. He is a young man of considerable quality, character, brains, substance and charm who was raised impeccably. (Ok-I realize that this last part was a bit over the top, but every parent needs to believe that their children are the ultimate and that they had a little something to do with it. We all know better of course, but allow us the fantasy. Sometimes it is all we have!) He has been involved with said young lady for about a year and a half. You will notice that I haven't yet monikered the girl with a pseudonym for this space for one simple and basic reason-I haven't met her yet! How is this possible, you might ask? Well, she hails from a far off and distant land known as the home of the Buckeyes. The two met at camp a few years back and yada yada blah blah, we all find ourselves immersed in the complications and costs of a long-distance relationship. I have attempted to refrain from playing the cliche of the yenta and I have tried my level best to stay out of the way, but when one's child becomes involved in what appears to be a serious relationship, the Jewish mother from deep within comes screaming to the forefront. I have absolutely no doubt that this young woman is fantastic. I would expect nothing less than exemplary taste from my brilliant son, but a considerable amount of time has passed and I believe it is time for the two of us to meet.

Here is where the dispute with The Husband comes into play. You see, he had the wonderful opportunity to have already met the girl. She came up to the Great White North a few months back to visit, and The Husband pressed the issue with a lunch invitation. I was inconveniently out of town. I know, I know! I choose to spend huge chunks of the winter in the Southern Home, so I must accept the consequences that there will be a few melodramas missed at home, and while I don't begrudge The Husband's good fortune, it still does not solve the problem that I HAVEN'T MET HER YET!!! Not only that, but because of her participation at camp, Older Son, Sister/Cousin and various nieces, nephews, and cousins have also had the pleasure. I have arrived at the logical conclusion that it is time for a face to face that doesn't involve Skype, Facebook or this blog.

I decided that the best way to make this meet and greet happen was to take a road trip down to Indy this summer to spend a Shabbat at camp and, in turn some special time with Younger Son and his lady. I suggested this plan to The Husband and was met by a wall of apathy and non-committment. He feels very strongly that since she will be coming up to Toronto after camp is over for a family simcha, there is no need to shlep the 9 hour drive (each way!) to suffer the heat and humidity of the midwest for a mere 36 hours. In his defence he is correct in stating that we have been down to the 46077 the last two summers, and all that awaits us is a non-vegetarian Shabbos meal of greasy chicken, a trip to Target and the inevitability of sweating through several items of clothing per hour! I counter with the argument that I feel that it is my right as a mother to meet her before she is swarmed by my loving, but overwhelmingly goofy extended family. I am convinced that The Husband's attitude is spurred on by the fact that he feels no urgency to undertake this endeavour because he has already met her.

I really want to make the journey. I have had the opportunity of spending copious amounts of time with Younger Son over the last month as he has moved home following his sophomore year, and I know that this girl matters a great deal to him. (Honestly, I thank the brilliant marketing person at Bell Mobility who came up with the idea of unlimited text plans and the geniuses who developed Skype as they have saved us all thousands upon thousands of dollars!) I don't know her parents yet or how they feel about their daughter dating a Canuck, but I feel very comfortable believing that they feel much the same way I do about finally meeting my boy. It is the natural prerogative of all parents to claim right of first relation's audience with their children's boyfriends/girlfriends.

So, tell me friends. Do I press the issue with The Husband? Is he right to claim that waiting until August is just fine? Am I correct in believing that some alone time prior to the party and the veritable mob that is my family, is my God-given right as a mother? What do you all think? I can't promise that I will adhere to your advice, but I will give it credence. I await your responses.


  1. go without him, then both of you will be happy

  2. sInvite her to come a few days earlier than the Simcha so you have some alone time or see if they get anytime off at camp. If they can then send them a train ticket and meet them half way for a day. You and the husband take the whole weekend and make it a romantic weekend getaway with a few hours set for the meet and greet.


  3. I would have loved to invite her to come early, but the fact is that she is coming home from camp the day before she arrives in Toronto and Younger Son is actually arriving home from cam the same day she comes to TO! Complicated, I know. The romantic weekend idea is also not lost on me, but I challenge anyone to find romance in Indy. We are still in discussions, but thanks for the suggestions.